It seems there is so much talk in the ‘hustle culture’ of giving 120% every day. While I am a proponent of hard work, which you could see from a few posts ago, there needs to be balance. I can see some of you ready to disagree.
Here is why I think the ‘grind until you drop’ mentality is flawed. When we push ourselves to failure, there are lots of possibilities mistakes to occur. The closer you get to burn out, the more likely this becomes. When you show up on the verge of collapse, you are more likely to say or treat someone harshly. This can cause damage that takes time, or may never, be healed.
Another reason is becoming disenfranchised. You will lose the drive and desire to achieve you goal. You will start to view it as something that drains you instead of drives you. This will slow or kill your progress all together.
Lastly, is the amount of healing time. If you pause before you burn out it will take a lot less time to heal than if you push to collapse. It may be easier to understand this concept if we think physically. If you catch and treat an injury early, the damage can be less and the healing can be done quicker. The same is true mentally and emotionally.
This is not permission for you to be lazy. There is a big difference between healthy self-care and sloth. I’m just saying catch your mental health early, make it a priority and act accordingly.
One of the most prevalent problems we have today is a lack of energy. It is not always physical energy. It can be emotional, spiritual or any other drain. People just feel burned out. Is that you? Certainly, considering all of the things that I am involved in, it is always something to be on the lookout for. It seems you are working hard just to meet up with your obligations and then life picks that time to give you a tough challenge.
Have you ever felt like you were close to having it all together when suddenly you find yourself catching a cold? Maybe you finally are starting to feel some inner peace and that is when your spouse has a personal meltdown? It can be even worse. On the opposite end of the spectrum, you can seem to be constantly working on keeping your head above water. You make it through a tough day at work. Your coworkers call in sick. There is more work for you because of that. Your boss is aggravated that the other employees decided to stay home and takes it out on the employee that didn’t. Namely, you. Then you get home barely making it through the day and your spouse has a meltdown. You snap at them because you have already had a tough day. After a minute you regret not treating them with compassion. Now you are not only stressed beyond breaking, you have created a new problem.
Here is where a great deal of this issue starts. We fight every battle that is in front of us. By the time we show up for the really important ones, we are often to tired and crumble at the first sign of struggle. That is why it is important to set boundaries and decide what is really important. You boss yells at you because other workers didn’t show up and they are in a bad mood. Is it fair? No. Does it suck? Yes. Is it really important in the long run? No. Do not waste your energy being upset about other people, which is something we cannot control anyway. This is the same for getting fired up listening to talk radio on the way home. I know a few people who listen to political or sports programs and come home full of rage. Why on earth would you do that? News flash – the athletes and politicians do not know or care about you. Your spouse does. Listen to some music that will help relieve the stress of the day and have you arriving at home full of love.
My day job is at the US Postal Service. Not only is there lots of stress there, but I work 55 hours a week. If I wasted my energy on every little thing at the office, I would come home drained and angry. Margie and I work at a bar on the weekend. If we played into every situation of drama and gossip, we would not only be wasting our time, we would be exhausted. My love for her, and my respect for both her and myself, is worth far too much for that.
How about you? What battles are you fighting that are draining you and not serving you? Could you set boundaries that would help you? Do you have a written list of what is your priority in life and what is important? How often do you review that list? Just a few minutes in the morning, or even in the middle of the day to recalibrate, would make a world of difference!
Here we are, Monday morning. Back to the grind as they say. What all of these cliches do not tell you is what this ‘rat race’ may be costing you. Many people have greatness deep within them waiting to come out. In fact, I would say all of us have that area in which we both love and do well at. The sad truth is that most of us are too tired at the end of the day to pursue this course of action. We give our best time and energy to keeping the lights on and a roof over our head. That is admirable for sure.
What this post is here to remind you of, is that we must give ourselves time for self-reflection. Many do not know what the area we were born to do is. We do not know what that intersection of self-fulfillment and service is. We might work on it on the weekend or the occasional day off. Some of us put discovering what this is until after we retire. By the time we figure out how to put in action and bring it out to the world, we are dead. That is a sad truth. Let me assure you that I understand being tired. Working 55 hours a week at a day job, DJing on my only day off can be exhausting. Still, my life mission of helping others become the best version of themselves and live their best life is so important to me, we are currently at 1040 days in a row of bringing you content. I am also working on bringing my fourth book to life.
That is why it is so vital that you begin to explore what really lights you up inside. Is it fishing? Is it painting? Is it talking to others? There are opportunities in all of this. Begin to explore those things in hobbies and side hustles. You might have to lose a little sleep, but you will gain energy with the excitement and passion you use. I promise you this is how you can make the biggest impact in the world, by doing what you love. What the world needs are more people doing what sets their soul on fire. Won’t you join us?
Have you ever had a day where you feel like this? Not quite like a murdering doll, but where if how you felt on the inside could be seen, you might resemble this lovely character? I know I have. With many responsibilities, even enjoyable ones, comes much stress. When I have to fit in the day job, the gym and writing in one day , that can be rather stressful. I barely have enough energy to show my lovely lady how important she is to me. That only adds further stress.
What do you do when you feel burned out? Another reason why working on self-improvement and self-care is so important to start, and start now. If you get to the point of feeling burned out, the last thing you are going to want to do is spend mental energy on how to rid yourself of those feelings. What I can suggest is to start a self-care book. This is an activity that will be featured in my upcoming fourth book. In your self-care book, you can list everything that brings you feelings of peace, health and happiness. In other words, everything that refreshes your spirit. This can be songs that inspire you. Movies that make you laugh or energize you. It can be places you like to go, whether that is a park, a coffee shop or some place to eat. This self-care book can be updated as you discover new items to add. For me, who struggles during the long cold winter, this can be a life-saver. Place this book somewhere it can easily be accessed.
When you are feeling burned out, sad, uninspired or any of the other unpleasant emotions, pull out your self-care book and engage in one, or several, of the activities. When you find something that really brings joy, or inner peace, to your heart, pull out the book and add it. Having this resource available takes the thinking out of helping yourself. Composing the book is actually a fun activity. You can even ask your friends, family and spouse for ideas. You can do it together as a couple or as a family.
Raise your hand if you have ever felt burnout. Now you can put your hand down. If you are reading a blog like this, you have probably felt exhausted, overwhelmed and burnt out. When we do our best to live an amazing life, we can tackle too many things. Juggling, work, parenting, social obligations, family and friend obligations and maybe if we are lucky, throw in a little self-care. Does this sound familiar? As a high achiever, we are all guilty of this at one time or another.
The quote above highlights a good reason why. By doing so, it also gives us the key to getting out of these feelings. The part of the quote that I am referring to is the part about your soul departing. How many times have you been pursuing a passion and you just felt totally overwhelmed? I would say that is a rare moment. When we are doing something we are truly called to, we could be without sleep, haven’t ate in 2 days and barely drinking any water. That is why pursuing a passion is one key element to avoid burn out. You may be thinking, “I already have too much to do! That is why I am feeling burned out.” That leads us to our second, and very important, tool to eliminate burn out.
The second thing you should do is to question the why behind what it is you are doing. Are you doing something because you would feel guilty if you did not? Stop it. Are you doing it just to please someone else? Stop it. This can be a very difficult process for a lot of people. We can find ourselves doing so many things that do not serve us in any way. That is not to say you cannot help or do something for someone else. If helping your neighbor move would make you feel good because he is always doing things for you, then go right ahead. If going to grocery store for your spouse even though you are dead tired would make you feel good because you feel it would demonstrate how much you care, then go ahead.
Here is the tricky thing, if your neighbor has never spoke to you, or maybe you have a bad back, then feel free to say “No”. If you feel that driving to the store would be unsafe because you are too tired do not do it. If you are only going because you feel your spouse would be mad, don’t go. Saying “No” and standing up for ourselves can be one of the most difficult things we have to do. The payoff, however, is having the energy to do what we should be.
Have you ever felt like you are doing everything right and still nothing good seems to be coming of it? It may be that you are doing everything right, but you are not doing the right things. Remember saying “No” does not have to be mean. It does not make you a mean person. When we take control of our own physical, mental and spiritual well-being, we have more energy to bring to the items that stir our soul. This is far from easy, and may have to be done several times. Personally, after a long day working at the post office, I am so tired, it is hard to have the energy to write. Honore de Balzac once said, “Were it not for coffee one could not write, which is to say one could not live.” He also used to drink 50 cups of coffee a day. I am working on my third as I sit at Starbucks typing this very post. This is not the best health regimen. However, writing is my passion. Looking forward to this allows me to have the energy to make it through my 10 hour day at the post office. It also allowed me to say “No” to an additional 2 hours that were offered to me.
We must also look at the payoff of the actions we choose. Had I accepted the additional 2 hours, it would have been some nice money. This is good as Margie and I are planning to go on vacation soon. It would, however, leave me feeling to exhausted to get any writing done. This would not only leave me tired, but frustrated. Not having the energy to pursue my passion and purpose. Make sure this weekend you only say “Yes” to what you have a good why for.
I found this picture rather amusing. As I looked at it I was beginning a run of 14 days in row of working. Just for good measure, 3 of those days had 2 jobs and one had a job and a seminar. It included driving at least 50 miles everyday and on one occasion, more than 100. I felt exhausted just typing about it!
While these words are being constructed, it is day 14 of those 14. I am just preparing to head out to DJ. I am looking forward to a nice day off tomorrow. My plans are to visit the Milwaukee County Zoo and go out to lunch with my lovely Margie and my mother. It is to a Mexican restaurant so I would think a quick nap might follow that. The evening calls for a nice dinner and movie at home with my love.
Relaxing with my love
As tough as the last 2 weeks have been, and as wonderful as tomorrow will be, I realize my meditation on the subject that I am wasting a great deal of my energy. Thinking of how challenging the upcoming working days were going to be had me feeling exhausted before the alarm clock went off on the first day. This made each day seem a little tougher than it needed to be. Keeping this thought in my mind had me mentally exhausted. Doing this daily lead to physical exhaustion as well.
Looking forward to my wonderful day tomorrow is certainly a noble pursuit. However, I must be careful not to dread the journey of arrival.
Both of these activities drain our energy and both have the same simple solution – live in the present moment. It is something I remind my life-coaching clients and seem to have forgotten myself. You can certainly plan for tomorrow. Lay your clothes out ahead, get the coffee ready and other such activities. Yet spending time worrying about the arduous day ahead will only steal the joy and energy from the day at hand.
The same can be said for suspending joy until a future event. It is great,and I feel vital, to always have something to look forward to. Supressing the joy of today in anticipation of the joys of tomorrow makes little or no sense. In this case, it makes perfect sense to be greedy. Look for joy every second of every day! Look for joy in the present, while being excited for the joy to come!
Living in the present gives us a great many gifts. One of those gifts is more mental and physical energy. Next time you feel yourself thinking “Next week was exhausting!” Slow down, and remind yourself to take one day at a time!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 