Today’s post will be the last one that comes out while I’m in the United States. Tomorrow at this time, hopefully, I’ll be in sunny Jamaica 🇯🇲. Margie and I are taking a well-deserved vacation.
Last night as we were packing up i grabbed a travel journal I always take with me. Except the one time we will get to later. As we packed and had a little snack, I read some of the entries out loud to Margie. It was amazing how many things we forgot that we enjoyed on vacation.
There was parades we watched. A very nice couple from Canada we hung out with. The gent and I even played a game and won on stage at the resort! How do you forget that? Still, had it not been written down, we would have.
This practice of taking time to write every day does several things for me. It forces you to show down and reflect. Sometimes that can be difficult for people used to being on the go all of the time. I speak from experience. It also helps you be present by asking, and remembering, details to write down later. In reading this journal there were names of people, dishes we ate and towns we traveled through.
Here is the thing, if this works well for vacation, imagine how this could work for your life. Journaling may feel like a long lost art, but if it helps us slow down and be more present, that could be life-changing! Hang on to all of those memories in any way you can. Life goes by quicker than we think.
This was on the door of Starbucks as I arrived to write this afternoon. Taking a picture of the words, I happen to catch a cool reflection of the clouds and the tree and buildings. Not even intended, but it plays right into what we are going to discuss this post.
The holiday season is upon us. Halloween is long past. Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Before you know it, stores will be filled with shoppers and your social calendar will be filled with family, friends and work obligations. Not to mention trying to figure out what to buy for Bob and Betty to bring a smile to their faces this holiday season. There is also the uncomfortable situation of being around people that perhaps you wish you weren’t. It can all be very stressful. Some of you may have even been triggered just reading that last paragraph. I became exhausted just writing it.
The sign on the door had me thinking of what is missing from our holiday season. You might be thinking, “Missing? Didn’t you just give us a list of stressful stuff we already have? How can we afford to add one more thing without going insane?” Legitimate question. Their are two answers. The first is that by adding this one thing you will reduce you stress level during the holiday season. The second is that you may already have this in your life and not be aware of it. Either way, you will want to add more. This thing is…you guessed it, merry moments!
What is a merry moment? It can be many things. It can be coffee with a friend. It can be finding a new item to try at the grocery store. It can be seeing a smile on the face of someone you love. Tonight, Margie and I are going to try a new frozen pizza. Doesn’t sound like that dramatic of a moment, but it will be a merry little moment. Even if the pizza is no good, we have each other to experience it with and laugh while we look for something else to eat.
Creating merry moments often just requires being more present. There are so many little moments of joy in life that we take for granted. Merely being present and feeling and expressing gratitude for them will both add joy and reduce stress for us this holiday season. If you are thinking why only do this during the holidays? You are one smart individual! You do not have to. The holidays do present a unique opportunity to do this, but you can add merry little moments any time of the year.
Another great way to add more joy and less stress to your life is to focus on creating memories and not on material items. Gifts are nice, but what people really appreciate is the gift of time, attention and being heard. Remember we mentioned coffee with a friend? Imagine how much better the moment might be if you went in with the intention of being present and really enjoying each other’s company? While you are being jostled in the crowded store, instead of being stressed out, why not notice all the work that went into creating the displays? How about the innocent excitement on the face of the children in the store?
Merry little moments are all around us. It may take a little more attention and a little more intention, but the result will be more joy and less stress this holiday season. That is a result that all of us can get behind. Once you get into this practice and see how it can help you live an amazing life, you are going to want to continue it long past the holiday season. I would love to hear more about some of your favorite merry little moments.
I once heard someone say, “You are older than you have ever been and younger now than you will ever be again.” Sounds crazy, but if you ponder that, it is really true. How quickly can life be turned upside down? You could lose a physical ability you have today in an instant. A friend or relative could move away, or worse pass away. Every second is such a gift. Can you think back 10 years? What would you have done differently or wish you would have done? Realize the same will hold true 10 years from now. Live life to its fullest every second of every day.
I would love to hear some of your stories. What do you wish you would have done differently 10 years ago? What do you do to enjoy life in the present? What do you suggest for our readers that will help them enjoy their life more?
The title of this post, “That was a lifetime ago.” is a phrase that my mother and I utter to each other more often as the years go by. As we walk, or sometimes sit for coffee, we recall places we used to go and people we used to know. Quite often both of us feel like it was an entirely different lifetime. Have you ever felt this way? That activities that you used to engage in, or perhaps the people you used to engage in them with have disappeared from your life. In the rapid pace of change that the world now faces, entire industries can be gone and replaced by something else seemingly overnight. As we get older, the pace of change seems to quicken. Not sure why that is. Perhaps it is because we are more aware of the fleeting nature of life? It could be that we have experienced more and the more knowledge we accumulate, the more things seem to change.
Above is a spot in a local coffee shop. The table on the left is where a good portion of my first two books, and even a bit of my third, were written. This particular location is moving. Not that big of a deal. Still, the sentimental part of me had to take in this place one last time. I have had so many memories there. Margie, my mother and I stopped for one last coffee. Margie actually had an iced cherry chai. We reflected on many of the fun times we shared there and looked around at everything that was packed in to boxes ready to go.
The staff at this location have become friends of ours. Sam, who discussed how to make a cream sauce with Margie, is always amazing. Dakota has returned after moving abroad. Even the lady we just meant, Jen, was very kind and helpful. We are hopeful that they all we be at the new location. One nice thing is that we were able to have a heads up that this place would be closing. That way we could plan one more day there. As we all know, this is not always the case. People and places can leave our lives without warning. We are left with either regret or a longing for one more time. One way in which you can not only decrease the feelings of regret and loss, but enjoy the present more is to become more present. I mentioned we were given warning that this location was closing, but what if we had not? Had we always focused on being present and fully appreciating the amazing staff, decor and overall ambience of the place, we would be bummed they were leaving, but satisfied we made the most of our time there.
As true as this is of coffee shops, restaurants and other such places, it is even more true of people. When someone leaves our life, for whatever reason, it is not some grand thing we wish we could do with them. It is the mundane. Sharing one more laugh, one more cup of coffee. Maybe even hearing that story they told us a million times just one more time. It is with a great deal of irony that the things that annoy us can be the things we miss most about someone when they are gone.
This is why it is so vital we live in the present moment. Why we learn to appreciate every detail of the life we live. It is not some cliche self-improvement hack. It is a way of living. The Latin phrase, Mors certa, hora incerta, meaning “Death is certain, the hour uncertain.” reminds us that the end of anything could be right around the corner. The time to enjoy life, and all of the people and coffee shops in it, is now. Soak it all in. If you treat each day as the last you might do something, one day you will be right and you will be glad you did.
Something I heard Sadhguru say made total sense to me. He said that the past and the future don’t really exist. You can’t live in the past or the future unless you have a time machine. When they say someone is living in the past, they are actually remembering. When we say someone is living in the future, the are imagining.
This is so true. You can only do anything in the present as well. You can do anything in the past. It is over and done with. You can’t do anything in the future because it is not here yet. You can get lessons from the past. You do this in the present. You can prepare to set up better possibilities for the future. You also do this in the present.
How, in a world of a million distractions, do we stay present? There are a million different ways out there. Here is a good one I came across the other day. I hope it serves you. Call it the “5,4,3,2,1 method” When you find yourself slipping away from the present use this method. Sit up, take 3 deep breathes and begin. Start by finding 5 things you can see. It can be the windows across the room, people walking by, the sun shining. Don’t stop until you have 5. Next find 4 things you can touch. It could be the feeling of the material in your clothes touching your skin, the warmth of the coffee mug you are drinking out of. Then move on to 3 things you can hear. People talking, wind blowing. Next,2 you can smell. Could be the spring air,the scent of books in a bookstore. Finally, 1 you could taste.
I like this method because it uses all 5 senses. It forces you to really notice your environment. I would love to hear how you manage to get back to the present.
Here is a great gift I received from the love of my life. A book filled with 500 things to be happy about. The cool thing about all of these…well…things, is that none of them require a large amount of capital. Most of them require none at all. Can you imagine that? In a world that makes a fortune off helping people find their bliss or joy, here is a book that lists 500 ways you can do it for free or pretty close to.
One of the things that makes this book so fun, other than the amazing lady who gave it to me, is that many of these things happen to us daily and we take them for granted. Why is that so fun? It means we are passing by happiness daily to look for it. Most of them we fail to notice or fully appreciate. Some we even turn into negatives. Does this sound confusing at all? It did a little to me in reading what I just wrote, so let me clear it up with a few examples.
Here is a picture of me working out. Seriously, it is of the late Greg Plitt, one of the people I draw inspiration from. Many of us are on a quest to get in better shape. Does this sound familiar? You make an gym date with your friend after work. 5pm rolls around and you are so tired you just want to collapse on the couch. How could you have been so dumb to say you would go to the gym? Suddenly you are mad at your friend, mad at yourself and dreading going to the gym. You make it there and complain about how tired you are through your entire workout. After you make it back home you cannot believe how sore you are. With a change in perception this could be an entirely different experience. You could look forward to working out after a long day knowing that it will help reduce stress, release the feel good hormones and provide you more energy on the back end. You could enjoy the knowledge you are getting stronger with each rep. When you get home you could let the sore muscles give you a feeling of pride that you put in a good workout.
There is a literal fountain of possibilities to be happy. Most of them require the ability to be present. Some listed in a book are as follows. Finding a matching lid to a container. We all know how frustrating it can be when you can’t. Why not enjoy a little moment of happiness when you do. A bird landing close without seeing you. How cool is it to be able to catch a glimpse of an animal that is normally scared of humans? Peeling of the protective sticker on a new gadget. Knowing that it is ready to be used. It is like starting a new adventure. Take a moment to smile about it. How about the smell of early morning coffee? If we take a second to notice it at all, we may just say, “That smells good.” What if we really took even a few seconds to pause, inhale and really savor the smell.
Here is what I noticed almost all of the ‘things to be happy about’ involved. There were two things required to transform what may be ordinary happenings into moments of joy in our hearts. Those two things are being present and being grateful. Knowing this, we can transform anything into a moment of being happy. Like our workout example above, if we change our perception, we can change our emotional state. Imagine being grateful you can workout. Sure, you may not be where you want to be, or able to do what you want to do just yet, but you can workout. Many people can’t. Think of the ability to read this blog. How many people in the world are still not literate? How many do not have access to the internet?
Let us add to the list of 500. Share your little things that bring you great joy, or could bring you great joy with a little present moment awareness and gratitude.
Above is a picture of my family from 40+ years ago. In case you could not decipher, I am the young man in the striped shirt looking so enthused. As many of us prepare to celebrate holiday celebrations of our faiths and traditions, many are concerned with making sure everyone at the celebration is happy and the season full of joy. Some of this is giving gifts that bring joy to the hearts of the receiver. You may think that a self-improvement gent like myself would tell you that gifts do not matter. You would only be half correct. There is a gift that does matter. It is a gift that can make everyone happy and it is one we all can afford.
The above photo is sadly how too many gatherings look these days. Not sure if any of these fine folks would even notice if the person next to them was abducted by an alien or teleported to a different universe. In the first photo, the one of my family, I can tell you that at least 8 of the people are no longer with us and it could be more. This holiday season, one of the greatest gifts you can give your family or friends that you are gathering with is the gift of your presence. There are two very sobering facts to consider. First, it could be the last holiday they are there to celebrate with you. This is not to take some of the joy out of your holiday celebration. Quite the opposite. The only time we are guaranteed is the present. I think of relatives and friends that have passed on and what I would have wanted to ask them or share with them this holiday season. My grandmother’s cooking, my aunt’s wonderful creations and so many more. Enjoy those around you to the fullest. The second sobering fact is that you could be gone next holiday. Scary thought? Yes, but absolutely true. I learned that the hard way with my heart surgery. This could be the last holiday that you can bring humorous stories, uplifting greetings and just general holiday cheer to those around you. Can you imagine if you had just one more chance to express holiday wishes to someone? Look around you. For someone that will be true.
This all may sound a bit somber, and it a way it is, but there is far more behind it. It is an urgency to feel grateful for everyone. Even those relatives that may get on your nerves a little. You will miss them when they are gone. It is an urgency to be present. It may be your last chance to hear someone’s laugh, or to make them laugh. Soak it all in. Be fully present and give the gift of your time, your attention and yourself. These are gifts that everyone loves to receive. These are gifts that bring joy to everyone’s heart.
This could not ring more true. Our time is far more valuable than our money. They say that you can always earn more money, but you can never earn more time. What makes life so precious is the fact that it ends. Far too many of us spend time stressing about the past. Mistakes we made, things we could have done better, things we should have done. This is rather crazy. Get the lesson from it and move on. The past is over with and cannot be changed with all the regret in the world. On the opposite side of the spectrum, many of us spend a great deal of time worried about the future. There is one, and only one way to affect the future, and that is by making the most of today. Worried you will not have enough money in the future? Start by saving and starting a retirement plan today. Worried about your health in the future? Start a fitness and healthy eating program today.
The best way to fully make use of your time is to be fully present today. How do we do that? Put down the phone, the remote and the laptop. Pick up a cup of coffee with a friend or with the birds in the park. A great exercise is to sit still somewhere and pay attention to each of your senses in turn. Think of sitting in a coffee shop. You could smell the fresh ground coffee, maybe some caramel. You would hear the roaring of the espresso machine. You could touch the wooden table, feel the warmth of your coffee mug. Taking a sip of that coffee, you could really focus on the taste. Try to discover as many flavor notes as you can. Look around and take note of what you see. What is the most common expression people have on their faces? How is the sun coming through the window, or did some heartless soul close all the blinds so the room is dark and resembles a tomb?
Another one of my favorite places to do this is in nature. To really make the most of it, you should be stationary. Find a nice bench in a park and grab a seat. Look around and notice the different songbirds you see. Maybe the sun reflecting off the pond. Close you eyes and listen. Do you hear the songs of the birds? Perhaps you hear the sound of the leaves blowing in the wind? Keeping your eyes closed, you can feel the wind blowing on your skin. Smell the oxygen in the air from all of the trees. Wait…is someone grilling in the picnic area? You could always try to convince them you need a hamburger to do the taste portion of this exercise.
I cannot emphasize enough how many of us lack the ability to be present. It is a difficult thing to do in today’s world. Distractions are everywhere. The phone is beeping. There are flashing electric signs everywhere. All too often, we only appreciate the moment in a memory. Those memories will be a lot richer, as will our lives, if we take time to be present. Try the activity mentioned above. Pick somewhere and notice as many of your senses as you can. You will be surprised at how much you are missing. If you like, share your experiences in the comments below.
Ah, to be simple. This seems like a quest that is next to impossible in today’s complex world. Here is thing, it is one of the secrets to happiness. With our propensity to over-complicate things, we create unnecessary stress and chaos in our lives. One great way to limit stress and help bring us peace is to become simple. This can be done in many different ways. Just to get you started, we are going to look at two examples that I think everyone could benefit by putting into practice.
The first is to find joy in simple things. Have you ever tried booking a vacation to the tropics? How about doing it as a surprise for the birthday of the woman you love? Let me tell you, a lot of complications there. A lot of stress. However, have you ever made a conscious effort to set and really listen to that same woman in an attempt to not only make her feel heard, but to perhaps learn a little more about that special person in your life? Pretty simple and brings joy to both parties. How about just going for a walk in nature and enjoying the fresh air and all that you see? The benefits of walking in nature are worth both researching as well as experiencing.
If we thought that being simple in today’s world is difficult, try being present! With that little device in our pocket calling our name every second through the beeps and other such noises, we can miss the world passing us by. When my mother and I walk through the woods, we occasionally see people walking through this beautiful scenery, face buried in their phones. They miss the deer munching on some clover, or the hawk soaring above. Maybe they miss the chance to sit and enjoy a quiet sunset.
More than digital distractions, is the distraction of our own minds. Many dinners are ruined by someone lost in thought over a work problem. What is crazy, is that these people often feel guilty about not paying more attention to their dinner company, thus adding even more stress. This tends to be a repeating cycle. It would benefit us greatly, and reduce our stress, to simply do what we are doing. If we are eating dinner, put our attention there. Not only will we better enjoy our company, we will taste the food more. If we are going for a walk to reduce our stress, let us not ruin it by dwelling on the stress while we are walking. Let us be present as often as we can.
By simplifying our life, we will increase our happiness. Enjoying pleasures that are more simple and organic as well as being present, are only two ways in which we can do so. In what ways do you think you could make life more simple? What would you recommend to someone who is looking to do this? Let us all share our ideas and help each other.
This may sound like a fatalistic post for uplifting Wednesdays, but it really is not. In fact, I debated titling this post “Everything is special” but decided on the one I did because it has a sense of urgency. Last week, we discussed how quickly things change and how the not so distant past can seem like a lifetime ago. Isn’t that true to some extent in your own life? I know it is in mine. Places you used to go are no longer there. Businesses you used to frequent have ceased operations. People sadly pass on. Animals become extinct.
Again,this is a little depressing, but it also provides us a sense of urgency. My friend Curtis gave me a great reminder about the power of being present. All too often we busy ourselves reliving memories and fail to pay attention to the ones we should be creating. Then, without a warning it seems, they too become memories. Consider this – each second of time is unique and will never occur again. The beautiful sunrise you are witnessing? Yes, the sun will rise again tomorrow, but it will look different than what you are seeing right now. That bouquet of flowers you received will be different than any you will get in the future.
One of the interesting things that I reflect on in life is how seemingly tragic world events change the way things are done. I recall what travel was like before September 11 of 2001. Recently, we all saw the effects Covid had on the way we socialize and do business. Life can change in an instant. Change is actually the only thing we can count on. That is why each moment is so precious. War has broken out in many places in the world and the lives of millions were upended ina heartbeat. The reverberations of that situation can be felt across the globe. Very few us could have predicted that was going to happen.
It doesn’t even have to be on a global scale. Think of all the people in your life. Above is a picture of my lovely lady and I. It was taken at my work’s holiday party. It was also a retirement party for one of my coworkers. That means it will be the last time he will be there as my coworker. Who knows if my work will have another holiday party or if this was the last one I will attend? A few years back during my open-heart surgery, it was almost the last time I spent with my lovely Margie. That story is shared in great detail in my book, The Beat Goes On, available on Amazon.
Challenges provide us great opportunity to see everything for the miracle it is. Recently, I shared the story about how my car was having trouble and my mother was giving me a ride to work. Although this proved to be far more stressful than we first thought, who knows when I will be able to share the ride and great conversation with my mother at 430am. Looking back, we had fun on my way to work. Who knows if those moments will ever happen again. I would much rather have a working vehicle, but the ride with my mom was a good memory.
Everything, and everyone, in life is fleeting. It may not seem like it, but as we discussed earlier, it can all change in an instant. Health is precious. Love is precious. So many things we can fail to appreciate until they are gone. Take a second an be present and grateful for everything in your life. Everything is a miracle. Everything is precious.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 