This is an interesting thought. I’ve been clinically dead for a bit, but not sure how much my brain lived on before, during our after for that matter. If it is true, and I’m not sure how they came by this information, it brings up several important questions.
The most important one is rather obvious. What is your 7 minutes? Were they when you are younger? Have they come recently? Are they, as this quote implies, tied to a certain person? Have they Perhapscome at a certain location? Maybe your best 7 minutes was engaged in a certain activity?
I think if we view our life in 7 minute blocks, it can help us stay in the present. After all, 7 minutes is not a very long time. I can tell you there have been several 7 minutes in my life that I can recall. The first 7 minutes I spent in Jamaica with Margie. Knowing I had helped make one of her life dreams come true. Even the first time she was able to see a palm tree in Las Vegas. Recently walking hand in hand in the Bahamas shopping and making new friends was amazing. I recall a morning sipping my favorite iced coffee with my mother at the State Fair listening to a band play tropical music. That was an awesome 7 minutes! Speaking of the State Fair, last year I proposed to Margie there. That was a crazy and memorable 7 minutes.
As you can see, there are several people and locations involved in my 7 minutes. I also think of my uncle and I at the Iola car show, my grandfather and I at this rummage event. My grandmother and I playing cards for an entire afternoon. So many good memories! Each one of them is an amazing 7 minutes. How my brain will pick out 7 from all that will be a neat trick. Then again, I am not in a hurry to find out. Instead, I am going to focus on what I will suggest you focus on – creating more amazing 7 minutes!
I did not intend to have this be a week about relationships, but it is Friday and here we are! I like the quote by Steve Jobs above, with a few caveats. I think after you have an experience where you connect the dots looking back, you can look ahead and begin to connect some dots and see a probable outcome. Sometimes, reflection is one of the best ways to guide your future. Does that sound confusing? Let me offer you a personal story to help better illustrate the point.
About a month ago, Margie and I visited the Bahamas. We had a great time. Part of the reason why, I believe, was we watched television. If you know anything about me, this is a shocking statement. I am not a really big television watcher. This, however, had a point to it. We watched a show called Bahamas Life. It featured people moving to the Bahamas, often from colder climates. They were given the choice of three houses and we tried to guess which one they would pick. We also told each other which one we would pick.
As the snow fell outside our windows and temperatures fell so low that polar bears were looking for sweaters, we watched scenes with turquoise waters and pink sand. It increased our excitement for our upcoming trip. After we returned from what turned out to be an amazing adventure, minus the air travel there, we were excited to continue watching the show now that we had more intimate knowledge of the places we were seeing. Sadly, there was only one episode left. What had become an almost nightly guilty pleasure was now over.
Here we are, over a month since we have returned to our colder northern climate and the most unusual thing happened the other day. I was returning from running errands for Margie while she created one of her culinary masterpieces. As I neared our house, memories of watching that show, snuggled next to my love, came flooding back. My thought was, “Wasn’t that a great memory? Finding a show about the very place we were traveling to.” At that very same moment, Margie has similar thoughts running through her head as well.
It was by connecting these dots looking backward that we realized what a magical moment that was. We were, indeed, creating a beautiful memory. What is the power in realizing that? Especially after it is all said and done? It is just one of many moments we can fondly recall to realize what a blessed and amazing life we have shared together. It will also allow us to keep an eye out for such moments that might be occurring in the near future.
Here is a picture of us from that fateful trip. Proof, as the Winnie-the-Pooh picture above so eloquently puts it, (Yes I did call Pooh eloquent) we didn’t realize we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun. How about you? Are there moments in your life that, looking back, you realize were amazing memories, but at the time just felt like you were having fun? I am sure there are. How about some in the future that might turn into some of the best memories in your life?
Last post, we took a look at the vital role that my love, Margie, has played in my self-growth. If you haven’t read that, I highly suggest you take a look. Today, we will answer the million dollar question, “How do you have a love that not only survives, but it thrives?” My fourth book, hopefully published this fall, will have an entire section devoted to creating a thriving relationship. I am going to give you two quick items to get you started. If you read to the end, there just might be a bonus item as well.
Isn’t falling in love great? Everything seems so new and fresh. You are constantly discovering new and exciting things about that special person in your life. What kind of toothpaste do they like? Do you both like the same kind of tortilla chips? How about salsa? Everything seems like one great adventure and you can’t imagine your life without them. What happens three years, three months or sometimes even three weeks down the road? You don’t care what kind of salsa they like, you just know you don’t like the fact they leave a dirty salsa bowl sitting on the table.
When we talk about ‘staying in love’ we are not talking about finding new ways to tolerate your spouse. No, we are talking about genuine passionate love and appreciation. We are talking about looking at the person across from the dinner table and honestly wondering how you got so lucky and being thankful you did. Does this sound like the “honeymoon phase” you hear everyone speak about? Can you not imagine that after staring at the same face for years? Do you feel your relationship is too far gone to ever have that feeling again? I am here to tell you that you can not only have that, but you deserve that. Come with me, I promise the journey to get there will be amazing. I say ‘journey’ because this is something that should never end. Think of your relationship like your fitness. If you get in the best shape of your life, and then stop working out, what happens? Do you stay in that shape? Of course not. It takes continual work, but the work is far easier and more enjoyable than the work it took to get in shape.
How can I say this with absolute certainty? Because I have been in the “honeymoon phase” with this lady for ten years! Constantly? No. We sure do have some ups and downs, but through it all our love stays alive and the magic may get challenged, but it never leaves. What is the secret? It is many things. Here is the first one – gratitude. You need to find reasons to be grateful for your partner all of the time. You also need to write them down. Why? If you keep them in your head, when the challenging times come, and come they will, it will be next to impossible to come up with them. Many people say, “Do I have to write down what I am grateful for in my partner?” No, you don’t. You also don’t have to have an amazing relationship either. The more work you put in, the more magic you will get out. Plus, let’s face it, writing down what you are grateful for about anyone is fun. You are thinking of the best of them and what they bring to your life. How could this do anything but increase the love and appreciation in your relationship? Now, when challenges come, take some time to review what you have written down. It is hard to remain completely upset at someone when you are staring at a sheet of things they do that add to your life. Especially when it is written in your own handwriting.
The second way to keep love alive is through pictures. Our minds think in images. When I ask you to think of a unicorn, what comes to your mind? An image of a unicorn. Not of the word unicorn. Not the sound a unicorn makes. (Anyone know what sound a unicorn makes?) No, your mind thinks in images. This is what makes vision boards to effective. If you want to keep the magic in your relationship, make a collection of images when you and your partner were loving, having fun or just being silly. I suggest having as many of these collections as you can. Have an album you can look at on your phone. There are places that can print out photo albums for you from those pictures. Imagine having that sitting on the coffee table when company comes over. They could see, and remark how in love you are. You could leaf through it at random moments to give your love a boost. One of the coolest ways is through those digital picture frames. You know the ones. They scroll through different images you download onto them. Image a frame that goes from one positive picture of your relationship to another. This can work for any relationship you have. Kids, parents, friends and, of course, loved ones.
BONUS ITEM!!!! If you read this far, here is a bonus item that will ensure your relationship stays fresh and passionate. That strategy is to have a compelling future for your relationship. If you have no idea why you are with this person, or where you want your life to go, it will be very difficult to keep love alive. above is a picture of myself and my very sexy lady in the Bahamas. We had such a great time meeting new friends, learning about the culture and exploring several islands. We already began talking about our next destination. Traveling the world is just one thing we have to look forward to in the future. The more compelling items you have in the future of your relationship, the more exiting it will be. Period.
Quick recap to a long post. If you want to keep your love alive, do these three things. First, list all the reasons you are grateful for that person in your life. Review these often and especially when you may not be feeling so loving. Second, have a collection of images that remind you of the special, and fun, bond you have. The mind thinks in images, so this will be especially powerful. Lastly, have a compelling future for the relationship so that you always have something to look forward to. These three things cannot only keep love alive, it can help revive a relationship that may be headed in the wrong direction. Putting these three items into play may have you feeling love you thought had left you a long time ago.
The secret to happiness? That is a bold statement. Especially considering that happiness is different for everyone. Yet, there is a universal way to bring happiness into your life no matter who you are, or what makes you happy. Even better than that, the more you do this, the more happiness it will bring in your life! Is it swimming with pigs in the ocean like in the picture above? I recently did that on my trip to the Bahamas. It was fun, but not necessarily everyone’s secret to happiness. It is a clue as to what that secret is though.
I mentioned that I swam with pigs in the Bahamas. It happened on a trip that I took my beautiful lady on for her birthday. She had mentioned really wanting to go there, and I wanted to make her dream come true. She also thought swimming with the pigs sounded fun, so I had to find a way to add that as well. As you can see in her amazing smile, she was very happy. That, my friends, is the secret to happiness. Taking your lady on a trip to swim with the pigs in the Bahamas? Not exactly, but yes.
Bringing joy to the lives of others, especially those you really care about, is the secret to happiness. I am going to tell you why. From a scientific standpoint, studies show doing kind things for others activates the reward centers in our brain. Doing this takes our mind off of our own worries. Knowing that you brought joy to another can, and should, give you a feeling of accomplishment. That is a goal worth aspiring to and accomplishing. In today’s world, being a giver of joy is priceless. Others value someone who can give them a feeling of positivity.
You can certainly walk around doing random act of kindness and that will add joy. Do you want to do this more effectively and see quicker and more intense results? Then you need one additional skill – active listening. To listen actively means that you listen for a purpose. Like to find what would bring the biggest smile to someone’s face. In the case of my lovely Margie, that was hearing her express her desire to go to the Bahamas, and to swim with pigs. It doesn’t have to be something so grand. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be something they enjoy. This works really well if you have someone who complains a good deal. Let me explain.
When you are actively listening to discover what you can do to bring joy to someone’s life, there are two things to pay attention to. First, is rather obvious. Look for what they say they want/like. This could be wanting to try a certain restaurant or what flowers are their favorite. On the flip side, you can also listen for what they don’t like. When you hear these things, you can work on finding ways to help eliminate them. If you combine them, you have two powerful ways to bring joy to anyone. As a bonus, they will not only feel joy from the activity, but feel significant and valued because you listened to what was important to them.
I told you in the beginning of this post that the more you do this, the more happiness will fill your life. Here is why. Think what will happen the more you bring joy to someone’s life. How do you think they will view and treat you? When they see you, they will automatically feel joy just from your presence. They will want to return the favor as well. Nobody wants to feel like a taker. They will want to return that feeling of joy you give them. The more you do this for each other, the more it happens in return. Now imagine if you did this with as many people in your life as you could. This could include coworkers, retail people you encounter, store clerks, family, friends and even complete strangers. Not only will you be so busy trying to discover joy that you will have less time to focus on your worries, but you will have countless people focused on bringing you joy as well. Can you see how this could grow? The more we put out, the more we will get in return. It is like planting seeds of joy in others, allows us to harvest the joy in our own lives as well. Start planting as many seeds as you can, in as many gardens as you can, today!
I’m writing to you from the Bahamas. Warwick Paradise Island to be exact. Margie and I have had a great time here so far.Hats off to Benjamin Davis and his crew. The food has been great, the staff friendly. We have had some amazing adventures as well. Getting here… that was a different story.
We were scheduled to fly American Airlines out of Milwaukee. We arrived at the airport at 3:30 am, thanks to my mother. We boarded our plane at 5:30am, excited to be in the tropics. After 2 hours of sitting still on a plane, they told everyone to get off as the plane was broken. They told us we were being ‘automatically rebooked’. I checked their app to discover they had no more flights until the next day.
Lucky for us, I got a call saying they could put us on Jetblue Airlines and we could still make it to the Bahamas, only a few hours later. We ended up with a layover in New York. We were told we should go to gate 7in New York. We did aswe were told. We waited and waited..I ventured a walk to the scheduleboard. Our flight had been moved to gate 10 and was boarding in 5 minutes. We ran through JFK Airport, which is no small task. Got the last 2 seats available. When we arrived in the Bahamas, we discovered only 3 of the 4 wheels on my suitcase did. We arrived at our hotel at 8pm, a mere 6 hours after we were scheduled to.
You may think this sounds hellish, and perhaps in some ways it was. Here is the funny thing. We arrived at our resort happy and ready to get our vacation started. Why? We had made the best of our challenges. We got pizza and a cheese steak in New York, because you just have to. We focused on being grateful we made it to the Bahamas.
This is proof it is more important who you travel with rather than where you travel to. It is also important you focus on the positive and make the best of your situation. It not only makes your vacation better, but helps create better memories.
This is a great life lesson you can start practicing today. Although I’m going to do my best to convince Margie that I need more trips to the Bahamas to practice. In reality, there are always opportunities to practice, and strengthen, your ability to make the best of, and rise above, your challenges.
As you read this, I’ll be relaxing at the Warwick Paradise Island in the sunny Bahamas. As the love of my life and I prepared for this vacation, we watched a show called The Bahamas Life. The show involves people leaving the dreary cold places they live in to move to the Bahamas. I found it very exciting and hopeful.
One thing that seemed universal on the list of reasons people were moving there, was the friendliness of the people. Itgot me thinking about something we mentioned here before. Your personality can define far more than just you. Sure, people can say,“Bob sure is a grouchy son of a gun.” Or, more positively, “Betty sure does have wonderful energy I enjoy being around. “
What if we don’t know Bob or Betty personally? What if we are just running into them at a grocery store? What if we are just observing them while out having dinner? They can change our opinion on the store or restaurant we are at, fairly or unfairly. The same holds true for people visiting from out of state, or out of the country.We often represent far more than we realize. How you treat others never defines them. It doesdefine you and quite often much more than that!
Next time you are tempted to lose your temper, or treat someone rudely, remember you represent far more than just yourself. Your behavior not only defines you, but those who raised you, and often more than that. Strive to be the best version of yourself at all times. You never know who is listening.
Are you like me, one of those people who really like to get someone the perfect gift? Not necessarily the most expensive or lavish gift, but one that will be most appreciated. Do you spend countless hours thinking about what you know of the person and then combining that with what gift would fit that knowledge? It can be stressful and exhausting. This post will help relieve some of that stress and give you a gift that will be treasured by anyone you want to feel special. How can we do that without knowing the first thing about the person you are giving the gift to? By giving you a gift that is universally loved, extremely rare, and although it does not cost much from a financial aspect, it is priceless. Care to know what it is? Read on my friends.
As you read this, I will be on my way to this amazing location. It is the Warkwick Paradise Island, in the Bahamas. It was a gift to my lovely lady for her birthday. That is not the amazing present I am speaking of. Not sure about you, but I could not afford a trip to the Bahamas for everyone I know. Although it would probably be received quite well by most, it would not be universal as some strange people do not like the Caribbean. This means I am going to give you a gift that is not only enjoyed by more people than a trip to the Bahamas, but it more rare and priceless these days. Fear not, it is one you can afford. It comes at a cost, but not one in dollar terms.
The present I am talking about is just that…being present! Giving your attention to someone. Actively listening to what they say. That is listening to learn and understand and not just to reply. Does this sound like something that isn’t that special? Next time you are out anywhere take a look at the people around you. How many of them are locked in eye contact, soaking in every word the person opposite them is sharing? How many of them are not even looking at that person, and are instead staring at the device in their hand? Care to put a percentage on those?
This post is not to sound cynical, but to prove how rare and special being truly present for someone is. Distractions are everywhere. Using our devices and social media has shortened our attention span to one slightly longer than that of a squirrel. Stealing the love of my life away from our chaotic life to one of tranquil paradise will mean little if we are not giving each other our time. That gift is one that everyone appreciates. Knowing what you have to say is important to the other party, in fact knowing you are important to the other party, is something that will be appreciated by everyone. We all deserve this, but it is a gift that is becoming harder to find. I invite you to be the giver of this great gift.
Whether it is for a birthday, anniversary or just because you want them to feel special, give the gift of your presence. Not your physical presence, but your mind, body and soul to the moments you are spending with that individual. Not only will it be a great gift in the moment, it will strengthen your relationships and give you knowledge you can use to provide other great gifts in the future. The more you know, the more impactful in their lives you can be.
Above is a picture of the Mitchell Park Domes. They are 3 giant green houses, for lack of a better description. They are only a few miles from my house. They are an important part of today’s post. Before we get to what the 3 giant glass domes have to do with living an amazing life, let me share a personal fact with you. I strongly dislike the winters here in Wisconsin. It gets so cold some animals sleep through it, many leave the state entirely. Unfortunately, at this time, I am not an animal that fits into either category. Therefore, I must make certain adjustments. This post will focus around that. Just like a lot of what we learn here, it can be adapted to your situation.
The winters here also lack sunshine and things that are…well…alive. The trees look like dead sticks, all the plant life is brown and shriveled up. I don’t mean to sound negative, especially after last post about the power of positive thinking. These are facts and they can make it difficult for someone, like myself, that has Seasonal Affective Disorder. That is where the lack of sun and such throws your hormones all out of wack and can cause feelings of depression. This used to pose quite a challenge for someone who writes blogs and books about living an amazing life. Especially since winter seems to last roughly 9 months here. Then I began to put into action many of the things I learned and began to teach. I would love to share with you what I came up with for my situation, in hopes you can apply it to your own.
I realized one of the most dangerous things about Seasonal Affective Disorder, or any condition, is the feeling of hopelessness you can fall into. Although I am not able to move south for the winter just yet, I realized there are other things I can do. Plan a vacation to the sunny Bahamas with my beautiful Margie, like I am this winter. That helps. Let us face it a tropical vacation is not always in the cards. That is where The Domes, as they are locally known, fit into the picture. As you can see in the picture above, they have living plants all year! They must also have some kind of light that allows them to grow in the gloomy Wisconsin winter. Spending time in these places are like a mini vacation. We also have an amazing museum that has displays of places like Bali, Fiji and other tropical locations I would like to visit. I can at least escape mentally for the time I am inside the building.
Add to this things like coconut scented oils, shirts with the Jamaican flag, pictures of past vacations and many other ways to at least take me away mentally. I also was given a ‘Happy light’ that mimics the sun by Margie. I often use that when I write. Even a little time in front of it, helps my spirits stay up. Plus, I read and research on other things that might help. Taking Vitamin D, listening to ocean waves. There are many options to employ and more I am learning every day.
I encourage you to take the same approach to whatever life challenge you are facing. I realize that I am not able to change the weather and make the sunshine at will. What I can do is some of the things that I mentioned in the paragraphs above. I also use this ‘winter dread’ to motivate me to save for a vacation. Having things to look forward to makes challenges a lot more bearable. I would love to hear how you approach and prepare for the challenges you are facing. Oh, and if you happen to have more suggestions to make winter bearable for me, I am all ears!
On occasion, it would seem my ideas run in a rather odd streak. They either happen while I am in the shower with no way to record them, or they happen just a minute too late. The idea I wish to share with you seems to have fallen into the latter category. As you read this I will be enjoying my first day back at work after a well-deserved two week vacation. Normally, this vacation would have been spent enjoying a great deal of time at our local state fair. Sadly, due to the corona virus, this year that fabulous event has been canceled.
This marks the second straight time my vacation has been altered due to circumstances beyond my control. Last year Margie and I had planned to visit the lovely tropical destination of the Bahamas. As it happens, the resort and part of the island we were due to visit was destroyed by a hurricane that had settled over the island. We had planned to explore going in March, but then we both had Covid-19 and were in quarantine. I guess that would make three vacations that have been postponed or canceled all together.
You may guess that all of that postponement of pleasure would have me feeling rather frustrated and irritable and you would be right. Being the optimistic, solution-oriented person I am, there is always an attempt to find a creative solution. In the first 12 days of my vacation there was an amazing and brief getaway with the love of my life a few towns away. I was determined to enjoy the last few remaining days experimenting with different states of repose. My house is located next to an open field. I took out this wonderful zero gravity chair and decided to sit in the sun. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine that I was laying in the tropics. Although the sun felt warm, it was hard turning the sound of the passing cars into boats on the ocean. Then it occurred to me, I put in some earbuds and looked up beach/ocean sounds on YouTube. Before long I was whisked away with tropical birds and ocean waves. I swear I could even small the salt water.
After a few minutes of this blissful mental escape I took it to the next level. No longer was I relaxing at a posh resort in the islands. No, this time I was on the deck of my own house overlooking the ocean. One of my neighbors was unwittingly participating in my fantasy and happened to be grilling out. The scent of the food cooking on the grill had me imagining Margie, or the maid if she wasn’t feeling up to it, in the kitchen preparing a fun lunch for when I had my fill of sun. The following day I even sprayed some sun tan lotion on for the coconut smell. (For the record, this is something I do not usually use as it is not needed for me) There I was, actually in West Allis Wisconsin where I live. In my mind, however, I was laying on the beach in… Jamaica, Fiji, the Maldives or any other tropical location of my choice.
If you are in need of a vacation, do what I did. Recreate the experience as much as you can. This can be as simple as looking online at resorts you may want to stay in and watching videos on them. (This is something I do way too often) It works even better if you can involve more of your senses. I had the feel of the sun, the smell of the grill and the sun tan lotion, the sound of the waves and the sea gulls in my ears. The more senses you can involve, the more real the experience becomes. Next time I will try to work in the taste of the rum. (I recommend Blue Chair Bay toasted coconut white rum) I only wish I would have thought of this great idea on my first day of vacation. Right now we could all use a getaway, let us do our best to give it to ourselves.
Has there every been something you really thought could be fun, but did not try because you were afraid of trying it? I think this is something we all have faced. Our minds are designed to keep us in our comfort zones at all costs. There is the fear of looking foolish the first time try something an fail. The sad part about this is what we miss by not trying.
I would like to offer a personal story to illustrate the point. I LOVE going on tropical vacations! Everything about it makes me happy. Sun, beach, happy vibes, rum, fresh fruit and relaxation. One of my favorite things to do is snorkel off the beach. I enjoy diving as well, but snorkeling is quicker and cheaper. Before I went snorkeling for the first time I was not so excited about it. Giving up time relaxing on a beach sipping some delicious cocktail? Learning to breath through that awkward device? No thank you. Trying to put flippers on while being tossed about in the waves? How about putting the flippers on before you get into the ocean and trying to walk across the sand without falling or resembling a penguin? It all seemed like a bit much.
For the longest time I did not do it. When I look back on my hesitation, all the great exercise and scenery I missed it saddens me. Whether it is tropical fish in Jamaica, conch shells in the Bahamas or a rubber duck in the bathtub, I can’t imagine a tropical vacation without time in the ocean. I am very excited and looking forward to the first tropical vacation with my lovely and wonderful Margie this year. You can be sure it will be filled with plenty of fun, sun, love and time in the ocean.
If you are faced with doing something new and the thought scares you as much as sitting in the waiting room at the dentist, do yourself a favor and jump in with both feet! Do so knowing full well that you will make mistakes and may even look foolish at first. That may not sound inviting, but it may help in the long run. I recall spending way too much time worrying that I would make a mistake and look foolish. It often caused me to be rigid and nervous in my approach. This not only increased my chances of making a mistake, but took a lot of the joy out of it. The joy in being absolutely terrible at something is there is a tremendous chance of improvement. Knowing you will get much better than you are now should allow you to shrug off any feelings of inferiority. Have fun. Use it as practice to laugh at yourself.
Start off a new experience with the thought, “I am new at this and will probably make some mistakes and look foolish, but I will sure have fun and get better each and every time!”
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 