It can be hard to go through the challenges in life. Right now where I live, there are people who have lost everything in the floods we have had recently. It can seem like there is no rain why we must go through what challenges us. Even in the worst of situations, there is a point.
I have never quite heard it this way, but I like the analogy. Our scars, be there physical or emotional, can be a guiding light to others. As we use them in this way, it also helps us heal. In my book, Living the Dream, I chronicle the stories of people who were the victims of different forms of abuse. They use their experience to help others with their healing journey.
No matter what challenge you are going through, or what scars life has left you with, you can use that to help others either avoid the same pain, or share how to make it through.
By now everyone has heard about the trials and tribulations of Diddy. Famous rap musician, producer clothing designer and such. What has came out has disgusted many, and rightfully so.Some of the accusations are mind-blowing. Just like anything in life,we can put the poor life decisions made by this individual to work for us in our own life.
One of the things that is starting to come out is the people who both associated, and knew about the illegal activities diddy was involved in. I’m not about to say that I know who was guilty or not. What it does remind us of, is the importance of being selective with who we associate with. Sure, this person may be popular and hold sway in an industry, but does that mean we should look the other way when we see them acting in a way that harms others and goes against the law?
This starts as early as the playground when we are little. One kid is very popular so we try to be friends with them. Does it matter that they are a jerk and treat others poorly? The answer to that question can have life-longimplications. Who we choose to have around us can not only cause us to be guilty by association, it can impact our behavior. “At least i am not as bad as they are.” May excuse behavior in ourselves that we would otherwise find repulsive.
Another lesson is the minors this man was allowed to negatively influence. There is no way any parent should allow their children, famous or not, to find themselves in these situations. You simply cannot make intelligent life decisions at that age. The issue of domestic violence. We should not allow money and influence to cloud our vision when it comes to abusive relationships. Everyone has the right to be safe no matter the wealth and status of the abuser.
These, and I’m sure many other crimes,will come out in the future. As awful as they are, let us use them for good. Let them remind us of the importance of maintaining strong mental health for everyone. Let us look for abuse before it happens. Make sure everyone has a voice. Let’s not look the other way at someone’s behavior just because we like their music.
A few posts ago, we wrote about how important it was to get out of abusive relationships. The same can be said about a job situation that is slowly killing your soul or any other harmful situation. Although these are logical steps to living and amazing life, they are far from easy ones. Relationships can be very difficult to get out of. Shared economics, promises of people changing, family and religious expectations can make things difficult. That job may give us a false sense of economic security.
As the picture above tells us, just to attempt such things takes a great deal of bravery. If we let our boss talk us into staying a little longer while we keep our eyes open for another opportunity, that is understandable. Do we give that person we know won’t change another chance? That’s up to us, but we must consider our own well-being. These things may take several attempts to accomplish before we can finally follow through. Do not beat yourself up if you fail on your first attempt. The fact that you are endeavoring to better your life takes a lot of guts.
Whether it is giving up unhealthy eating, smoking or an abusive partner, it may take time and several attempts, but each one is an act of courage and a chance to learn something new about ourselves and our situation. Even if you stumble, do not beat yourself up, and certainly do not give up! You are brave for even trying.
How many of us have people in our lives that continue to let us down and put us in awkward situations? How many of us have people who do this over and over again? It can be hard to make the decision to cut someone off from our life. If we keep these people around us, it is like gripping a hot coal and complaining about it burning us. If we were to just let it go it would cease to burn us and we could begin our healing.
That is not to say that every time there is a misunderstanding or falling out between two parties that it is time to walk away. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has bad days. You have had them. I have had them. If there is someone who repeatedly hurts us and we keep inviting them back into our life, it is us to blame, not them. If someone stabs you in the back, it would be good to keep knives away from them. This is a lot of metaphors, but they all say the same thing, people who have no regard to you or your feelings should be shown the door.
Be on the lookout for circuses that you attend in your own life. If you find yourself routinely complaining about how someone treats you, ask yourself why they are still in your life. Yes, it is hard to cut someone off. That is a one-time hurt. What is worse is to keep someone in your life that hurts you over and over again. You are worth much more than that.
Forgiveness is a gift you truly give yourself. Most of the time, the person you are upset with could care less if you forgive them. Harboring anger only steals your peace. Knowing this, why do people put off forgiving others? I believe there are two reasons. Let us take a look at these one at a time.
First reason people don’t forgive others is that somehow they equate that with the other person ‘winning’. The opposite is actually true. If you let the person continue to keep you in a state of hurt and anger, then that would be closer to ‘winning’. In actuality, the only winning is living a peaceful and rewarding life. That can only be accomplished through forgiveness. If someone is still renting space in your head or your heart, evict them!
The second reason people withhold forgiveness, is they assume forgiveness means they would have to reconnect with that person. This is certainly not true. There are people who sadly can be in our hearts, but not our life. If there is someone who has done you so wrong you want them neither in your heart or your life, than youmust forgive them. By holding on to anger, or some feeling of hurt, you are maintaining a connection.
Well, isn’t this a confusing title? I should certainly say so. Let us start with how you are, indeed, your past.Any of us who study the Law of Attraction know that a certain energy will attract to itself. This is one reason that it seems the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, as the saying goes. If you have only been exposed to poverty growing up, that is all you know. Your thoughts and actions leading up to this point have you in a state of poverty. Same holds true if you grew up rich. That is what you know. You take actions that will allow you and your money to remain lifelong friends. If you wake up and find that putting on that pair of jeans you bought last year seems like a bit more of a struggle, it is not because of the one doughnut you had for breakfast. No, it is years of eating poorly. You are, in fact, the result of the decisions you have made up to that point. In this way, you are your past. There is good news to be had, however.
You are also not your past. What? Let me explain. I hear a lot of people refer to themselves as something. It can be something positive, or something negative. “I am a procrastinator.” they say. “I am not a morning person.” is another great example. “No, that is what you have been.” What you are today can change in an instant. You can begin working towards creating a new you. Just as we discussed above how your present self is the result of the decisions you have made in the past, your future self will be the result of the decisions you make going forward.
Many people also choose to let past trauma define who they are. “I am a child of alcoholic parents.” or “I was in an abusive relationship.” Look, things may knock you down in life. Scratch that. Things will knock you down in life. That is not and will not be your fault. If, however, we come back years later and you are still on the ground, that is your fault. That is not to say that these things are not painful and do not leave emotional scars. They do and many of them may take years to recover from. We do not have to let them define us. It may take therapy. It will take confronting these issues and the fears and trauma they have created inside of us, but we do not have to be our past.
The same is true of others. In the past, people may have done us wrong. They may have not been people we would have liked to associate with. If that is not who they are today, and we are judging them, then we are convicting an innocent person. That is not to say you should be gullible and believe someone has changed just because they told you. We should not hold them prisoner for their past actions. Just as we can change, so can others. If you knew me a long time ago, you may think, “This guy is not someone I would want to be around.” You would have been right. Now, I can’t count how many people compliment the way I treat Margie. Many ask me to talk to their man and try to show them how to talk and act.
This change all came from the fact that I chose to no longer be my past. It didn’t hurt that I meant a lovely and spirited woman who held me accountable for my behavior. You can do the same. You are the result of the decisions and actions you have made up to this point. So, you are your past. You are not a prisoner of that past, however. Starting the very second you finish reading this blog, you can choose to no longer let your past define you. Changes occur in an instant. Commitment and follow through is what changes identity going forward.
In my second book, Living the Dream, there are several stories of people who prove that you do not have to be defined by your past. There is a woman who was abused as a child. She is now part of a group that helps abused children. There is a man who saw his family get killed. He moved to a different country and started a family. A gentleman who grew up in rural West Virginia, uneducated and with little prospects. He went on to become an accomplished musician and live the life of his dreams. Do they still have parts of their past that haunt them? I am sure they do. We all do. What is true about all of them is they did not let those circumstances define them. Their future was not dictated by their past.
Last post, I spoke about Margie and I recently attending a Pow Wow. We further discussed the great sense of community and I told you that we made a new friend who represented a great cause. Today, I would like to share a little bit more with you about that cause and how you can help, if you would like.
The cause is called HIR Wellness (Healing Intergenerational Roots). Their website says that they are “Providing the next generation of care to victims of crime through a survivor and women-led organization.” This is huge. Victims of domestic crime and violence can face an intimidating, and often frightening, road to recovery. This can include having to go through people who often resemble those who committed the very crimes they are doing their best to heal from. Having an organization run not only by women, but by survivors themselves, can lend a feeling of safety and understanding for those seeking help.
We met our new friend Averie, who is the community outreach and stewaredship specialist, at one of HIR Wellness’s CAMPsites. This stands for ‘Community Activated Medicine’. At these campsites, they provide many different services. Including, but not limited to, Wellness-checks, social, emotional and grief support and culturally responsive healing-informed practices. They also teach coping skills and healing interventions and offer triage for more urgent needs or concerns at these CAMPsites as well. By bringing licensed mental health and trained wellness providers, community healers and advocates to shared community spaces, they are helping to overcome many of the obstacles that prevent those who need care the most from getting it. This can range from living in an under-served area to transportation issues.
We have only begun to touch on the amazing work that HIR Wellness does. There is so much more. This includes their virtual work, their healing podcasts and many other services they offer to victims of domestic crime and violence. I cannot encourage you enough to click on the link below to go to their website and learn more about this amazing organization, and more to the point, how you can help support them. If you know of someone who could use their support or services, please share this information with them. Feel free to share this post on your social media and help to get the word out as well. Thank you so much for joining me in bringing to light a very important resource for those in need.
Think of all the things, and people, in your life. Are you seeking to possess them, or are you truly appreciating them? If it is the former, how can you show them more appreciation?
Last post, we talked about the importance of sharing your gift. I had mentioned that I had come up with a way to help two wonderful charities. One is called W.I.S.H. (Women Initiate Self-healing and Hope) Which is a support group that provides emotional support for women as they work through the effects of abuse and encourages personal growth in all areas of life. The second group is Rescue Gang. They are an animal rescue group that focuses on the use of foster homes instead of keeping animals in kennels. I consider these two very worthwhile groups to support. I realize that I could not support them as much as I would like on my own, but I can do it with your help.
On July 27th, you can join me at the Peanut Butter and Jelly Deli in West Allis. I will have all three of my books for sale. I will be personally signing them for you. (They make great gifts as well) There will be free gifts for those of you who purchase multiple books. Here is the best part, I will be donating 100% of the profits to both of these charities. If you have all of my books and cannot think of another person’s life that you would love to positively transform, that is fine too. The wonderful establishment that is hosting this event, has committed to donating a portion of their sales for the evening as well.
I would love to see all of you stop down and support two groups that really deserve it. You can do so by purchasing one of my books that will allow you to go from the life you are living, to the life you love. You can purchase one of the many amazing products at the Peanut Butter and Jelly Deli. You can have a meal and a drink. It, as the owner Mike notes, is the only place in town that you can enjoy a PBJ and a PBR at the same time. They have many amazing products you can take with you to enjoy at home, or give as gifts to friends. There will be a link at the end of this post for the event on Facebook. There you will find more details and can ask any questions you may have. From the bottom of my heart, and on behalf of the two organizations, thank you so much for your support.
It is Monday, and that can be a pain. People generally focus on what is causing them pain in their lives. Why? In a physical sense, it can be pretty hard to ignore. When the pain is mental or emotional, it can be overwhelming.
The bad news first, there will always be pain in your life. Pretty inspiring for a Monday, right? Pain is not always a bad thing. It can be one of life’s greatest teachers. It can let us know when something is not right in our lives. This can be the pain of a physical injury, where our body is letting us know something is wrong. Even the heartache of a toxic relationship is pain that is telling us that person is not right for us.
The good news is that in many ways you can choose your pain. In most cases this comes down to the decision of the pain of discipline verses the pain of regret. I am forever reminding Margie that “discipline equals freedom” a quote I stole from Jocko Willink. So much so, she probably is sick of hearing it. That does not make it any less true. If we choose to skip the initial pain of discipline, we will have to face the pain of regret.
Let us look at our examples above. In the case of a physical injury, physical therapy and doing exercises can be painful. If we do not do them, we could heal incorrectly and suffer the pain of regret. Toxic relationship? Breaking up with someone can be hard and painful. Staying in that relationship can have us waking up to the pain of regret with every painful episode.
How about you? Are there disciplines you are putting off because they are painful? Not disciplined in your fitness because you “don’t have time” or it is “too hard”. Let me tell you from experience. The pain of a good workout goes away in time. The pain of being out of shape is something you have to deal with daily. Not disciplined in your diet because you would just rather “eat what you like. ” or “eat what tastes good.” Then you must suffer the regret of all the pains an unhealthy diet give you. These pains, such as heart disease, can be fatal.
This week, if you find yourself trying to get out of the pain of discipline,ask yourself what the pain of regret will be if you don’t follow through. Be honest with yourself. The pain of missing just one workout or the pain of eating just one doughnut can lead to the regret of choosing bad habits over good ones.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 