Just a quick reminder on your Sunday, that you should make a point to be kind to the person in the mirror? How often do we give ourselves a compliment? When we do, does it feel awkward? If so, that is a sign that we need to do it more often!
Realizing that there are awesome things about us, and mentioning them to ourselves, does not make us arrogant. We seem to mention and discuss what is wrong with us and not working in our lives quite often. How does that make us feel?Try saying something good about yourself. Even though none of us are perfect, we all have some amazing things inside of us. Let’s appreciate a few today. 😃
Today, at least in part of the country, we celebrate Sweetest Day. It is a holiday that started in Ohio in 1921. It was started as a way to encourage women to treat their male romantic partners with sweets and candy. This really wouldn’t work in my case as I am not a huge fan of sweets and candy. This is a good thing when you live with a woman who is an amazing baker. I fear if I was a big fan, I would be bigger than my house right now. The holiday has expanded in recent years to include showing love and appreciation to anyone in your life. This includes family, friends as well as significant others.
I am going to take it one step further. I think we should show love and appreciation for everything sweet in our life. Right now, I am sitting in the sun, with a nice cup of coffee typing away. To me, this is a very sweet situation. I was recently asked to speak in front of a congregation for a church I do not even attend. That was also pretty sweet. I have a job that pays me a pretty good wage. Not exactly what I want to be doing, but still it is pretty sweet that I am employed. I have great friends that care about me. I have three books that I can use to reach and inspire people I do not even know. This particular blog is viewed by over 100,000 people in over 200 countries. That is sweet!
Many people just cynically say things like, “Oh, that is just a Hallmark holiday.” As a note, although the holiday started in 1921, Hallmark did not start making Sweetest Day cards until the 1960s. I am sure confectionaries and floral shops have a vested interest in keeping holidays like this alive, but who cares? Instead of dismissing something as an example of corporate greed, why not put it to use in our own lives? Why not use this holiday to fill our lives with more joy and love?
Here is another way to do so. In addition to thinking of all the things that may be sweet in your life, how about thinking of how many different ways things are sweet? Above are pictures of my beautiful lady, Margie. How many ways is she sweet? In addition to the fact that she is often covered in powdered sugar from baking, there are so many ways she is sweet. The first picture is of her sweet smile. It always melts my heart and brings a smile to it as well. The second is one of the million silly faces she makes. Not only does she always look cute as can be, but I am happy she shares them with me. That is quite sweet! The third one reminds me of her sweet kisses. Some of the best medicine that money can’t even buy! Sweeter kisses? I don’t know of any. The fourth and last picture is of her after one of her tough workouts that she does. Keeping herself healthy and working hard on herself? That is sweet indeed! Those were just 4 things about my amazing lady. I would share more, but I am already going to be in trouble for posting these four pictures. There are so many sweet things about her, I could go on for hours. That, in and of itself, is something sweet!
It doesn’t have to be your significant other. It can be your child, your friend. It can be a coworker or someone who means a lot to you. Here is the great thing, it doesn’t even have to be a person! It can be your favorite place to relax. It can be a park or beach you really like. It can be your favorite book. It can be your favorite coffee. There are so many things in life that are sweet. If we think about even a few of them and ponder what we love and appreciate about them, guess how we will be feeling? You guessed it, pretty sweet! I would love to hear some of what you find sweet in your life! Forget the cynical view of a Hallmark holiday. Use this to fill your heart with love, appreciation and gratitude!
I apologize in advance for two heavy posts in a row. Part of the reason we, at Secret2anamazinglife.com, exist is to give you new ways of thinking. Marcus Aurelius, whom we get the quote above from, has given us a lot of things to ponder. If you have read my book, The Beat Goes On, you will know how this quote was really brought home to me. If you have not read that amazing book, what are you waiting for? In all seriousness, I was faced with the possibility, and it turned out probability, that I would die while undergoing open-heart surgery.
When I share that story, people often compliment me on my perspective of the whole event. I hear things like, “I wonder if I would be the same way if I was faced with that situation?” Here is a fact to consider, you are facing that situation. Sure, nobody may be coming to saw your chest in half and slice and dice your heart, but we never know what is around the corner. When you were born, the hourglass was tipped over and the sand began to run out. Here is the tricky bit, we never know how much sand is on top.
While the above may sound a bit doom and gloom, it really isn’t. Every morning we put our feet on the floor, the sand is running from top to bottom. When we do things like assuming people know how we feel, or how much they mean to us, we could be doing them a great disservice. Marcus Aurelius was quite correct when he said, “You could die right now.” Not a very cheery outlook, but that does not make it any less true. In my case, I had an aneurism, which had it exploded, the game would have been over. I honestly had no symptoms. If it were not for a slightly related item, I would have never know until I fell over dead.
How much sand is in the top of your hourglass? When are you going to slip into the great beyond? How is it going to happen? If you answered anything but “I don’t know.” to these questions, you have a power unknown to most humans. Here is another thing to consider, the same holds true for everyone else you know. One day they could be here, the next they could be gone. Again, kind of morbid sounding, but true. This is why we should be living our life to the fullest each and every day. Do not be afraid to ask the deep questions. Do not be afraid to make yourself vulnerable and share those feelings. What if it was your last chance to do so? At one point, it will be.
It is my suggestion to take the quote above and make it a guide for the rest of your life. When I was looking at what could possibly be my end, I discovered what I thought was important was not at all what was in my heart. It is not about obtaining a certain level of success. It is certainly not about reaching a certain monetary or material level. I can only share what was important to me at that moment. When I realized I may only have a few months to live, it was about leaving people with the knowledge of how important and beautiful they were. This was true especially for my lovely lady and those closest to me. It was also true for all of you reading these posts. I wanted the world to know that each one of us has a gift and something beautiful worth sharing. Something that will be lost when we are gone. My focus was on creating lasting memories. Remember your last breath may be your next one, what will it be used to say? When you find yourself a little too focused on the material things that the world wants you to believe is important, think of this quote from Denzel Washington.
Currently, in Israel there is terrible bloodshed. The same is true in the Ukraine. In both cases there are groups wanting to take vengeance on each other for all of the terrible violence being committed. I cannot pretend to have all of the solutions. I can tell you what does not work – violence and revenge. If you conquer another group through fear, violence and intimidation, that only leaves with a festering resentment that will eventually bubble over into future violence. Meanwhile, millions of lives will be lost. These lives could have contributed many amazing things to the world. We will never know.
It is not just war where this is evident. Here, in the United States, there is a bitter feud between political parties. The Republicans and Democrats are busy “Getting back at each other”. Do you know how much work is focused on the real issues facing the country and the world? None. We are paying these people vast amounts of money to act the same way kids do on the playground. They are not focused on working together to solve the issues. They are almost singularly focused on making the other look bad.
This way of thinking and acting is not reserved for war or foolish politicians. No, you can see it happen around the office. It happens in families and in circles of friends. When will finally work together to solve human misery instead of seeking vengeance for it? Once again, I am not pretending to have the answers. I just know violence and revenge solve nothing.
This is not my review of the Michael J Fox movie that I enjoy. No, it is the actual secret that I use to succeed. Above is a not so flattering picture of yours truly. You may be wondering the reason I am sharing that. It shows me leaving the gym this past Saturday at about 7:15am after a one and a half hour workout. That’s right, I woke up at 5am on my off day to go to the gym. This begs another question to many. Why on earth would I do that? This is where the secret to success I use comes up.
I do not fancy myself the smartest, most energetic or have the most free time of anyone I know. Therefore, I have to make up for that in other ways. One of the main ways in which someone can make up for not being the top in these other categories is the self-discipline of hard work. I made a commitment to going to the gym three days a week. Those three are Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. I could go, and often do, other days as well, but those three are a requirement. Do you know what would happen if I did not go? Do you know who would hold me accountable? Nobody. In fact, if I didn’t go to the gym one day and just decided to relax, a lot of people would not blame me. I work roughly 45 – 50 hours a week at the post office. I DJ Sunday nights and write these blogs daily. Add to that, working on my fourth book and things can get very busy. A day off would be totally understandable.
Back to the question of why I chose to do it before the sun even got up. Yes, it was still dark out when I got to the gym. Yes, it was cold. Yes, it was raining. Here is the thing. Margie and I were doing a craft fair and had to be there to set up at 8:30am. The fair itself went until 3pm. I knew after that I would really not feel like going to the gym. Still, I had my commitment. The only option was to get up early and go.
I mentioned that nobody would hold me accountable, or give me a hard time if I did not go. That is not entirely true. That little voice in the back of my head would have let me know that I did not keep my commitment to myself. We discussed the issues with this in the post Who is your master, last week. If you haven’t read that one, it might be a good time to do so. I knew that if I did not keep my word to myself that it would begin to erode my opinion of the person I see in the mirror. Was it fun getting up at 5am and going outside in the dark, cold and rain? Hell no. Do you know what was fun? Knowing for the rest of the day that I kept my commitment to myself and to my health. That self-discipline, holding yourself accountable, is what allows me to succeed. It will do the same for you.
One of my favorite poets, thanks to Mr. Earl Nightingale. I love the point made here. Life is about what we can leave behind. Making a true difference in the world comes down to creating, or in this case planting, things that we may never benefit from, but that can make a great difference for generations to follow.
This week as we go about our work, let us keep this question in mind, “What are we planting?” Are there things that we are creating that we may never see the benefit of, that will make a difference to future generations? This is the importance of being a good parent. You may not live to see all of the wonderful things your children will do, but raising them right and giving them the tools to do so can change the world after you are gone. Knowing that what you are doing makes a difference, can give hope and inspiration to your day. I would love to hear what you are planting.
I had the esteemed honor of appearing in the Peak Physique Podcast recently. It was a great discussion on how I became an author, a little about my books and included many great pieces of advice to begin your journey to a healthier and more rewarding life.
If you could use some tips on reducing stress, increasing joy and improving your mental health, then you owe it to yourself to watch this quick interview. Not to mention it contains two very charming and good-looking fellows 😉
We touched on this theory in the post Live in a loving world. We are going to look at how to make the life we are living a beautiful experience. It is not as difficult as many would like to have you believe. The ‘sky is falling’ or‘chicken little’ approach taken by many in politics and the media is great for selling, but not necessarily reality. Yes, life is full of challenges, disappoints and loss. It is, however, also full of beauty, opportunity, and abundance. It is really what we choose to focus on. As Tony Robbins says, “What is wrong is always available, but so is what is right.”
I look at this as a challenge of sorts. Can I find the beauty in whatever situation I am going through? I know there is always something beautiful and grateful to be found. In the beginning, the trick is sticking with it long enough to find. What is the payoff for this challenge? Noticing the beauty that is all around us. What is the big deal there? It changes our emotional state. If you stop and think about it, our lives are our emotional states. If you are poor, and are an angry and pissed off person, what is your life? Angry and pissed off. Now if you got money and became a rich angry and pissed off person, what is your reality? It is still angry and pissed off. Therefore, taking charge of our emotional state is taking charge of our life.
The more you can find the beauty that is all around you, the more beautiful your life becomes. Let me use my own current situation as an example. I am writing this in a coffee shop as I so often do. Across from me, a couple is sitting side by side doing their homework together. Rather beautiful. The sun is shining through the windows despite it being a rather chilly October day. This is rather beautiful. Behind me, I hear the sounds of friends laughing together while enjoying a coffee. Laughter is a beautiful sound. The fact that I can enjoy a hot cup of coffee is a beautiful thing. At the turn of the last century, coffee was a rare commodity. Kind of hard to imagine now. Lucky me.
How about your life? What is beautiful in your life? Remember, it doesn‘t have to be perfect to be beautiful. Even the broken can be beautiful. I recall the pain of losing those I loved, and really struggling to find the beauty in that. What I learned was that in order to hurt so greatly, we first have to love so greatly. This is not an opportunity afforded to all. The more loss we feel, the greater we have loved. It also means we are better able to understand and help those who also experience and feel loss. Something we would not be able to do had we not felt the loss ourselves. The beauty in the struggle is the opportunity to feel the victory in overcoming, or even just pushing on. I would love to hear what is beautiful in your life at the moment. The more we stop and look for beauty, the more it will appear. Wouldn’t you like your life to be more beautiful?
I think discipline, especially self-discipline, is one of the most attractive qualities. Being able to do what you said you would do, long after the urge to do it has passed, is very admirable. It is not only keeping your word to those you told, but, and perhaps more importantly, it is keeping your word to yourself. How do you think people feel about you when you break your word to them? Not so good would be my guess. They start to trust you less and view you as less reliable. When you do not maintain your self-discipline, that is how you start viewing yourself. It begins to tear down your self-image. This, in turn, affects your self-confidence. Having a poor self-confidence and self-image can lead to a whole host of problems. The inability to put yourself out there. The reluctance to try new things. Missed opportunities.
If we stop to think about it, self-discipline is really self-love. When we keep our world to others and to ourselves, we can hold our heads up high. We have a sense of pride. Not to mention, we do not have the stress that comes with not getting the things we planned on getting done just because we didn’t feel like it. If we only work when we feel like it, we will only go so far. I heard a saying that went something like this, “Motivation gets you started, discipline allows you to finish.”
Next time you feel like ‘giving yourself a break’ and not finishing what you said you would do, realize you are doing yourself a great disservice. You will diminish your standing in both the eyes of others and in the eyes staring back at you in the mirror. Keep your word to yourself. Here is what I have found, the more you act with self-discipline, the easier it becomes. If you take control of your mind, instead of it controlling you, the muscle of self-discipline will only grow stronger.
Here are some acorns. These things are everywhere right now. My mom and I went for a 3 mile hike the other day and almost the whole trail was covered in them. They are fun and add a little extra natural beauty, but you can easily twist an ankle if you are not careful stepping on one. A thought occurred to me as we were walking along the trail. The little acorns we were stepping on, came from the mighty oak trees that we were walking under. Inside everyone one of these little acorns, was a large oak tree that could grow to drop hundreds of more acorns of its own.
I thought about the fact that each one of those acorns could grow into a tree, and there were thousands on the ground. I began to think of what has to occur to turn the acorn into the oak. What came to me was far more than a nature lesson, so please stick with me. In order for the acorn to sprout, or for any seed to do so, it has to be buried in the ground. It must be covered with dirt and water, often for months. If that acorn is never buried, it will never grow into the oak.
This reminded me so much of us as people. Inside every one of us is something waiting to sprout and grow. It may not be as big of a transformation as the acorn to the oak. Then again, it may be even bigger. When life throws a little dirt on us, we have to make a decision. Are we being buried or are we being planted? What is the difference? When you are planted, you are using that dirt as fertilizer. You are stealing the nutrients to help you grow and develop. When you are buried, you are just laying there decaying. Becoming part of the soil, if you want to stick with this analogy. What makes the difference? Our decision. Which one we will decide it will be.
The same holds true with us. When life throws a little dirt on us, we lose a job or a relationship. Maybe the loan we were counting on getting doesn’t come through. Whatever the challenge is, life is throwing a little dirt on us. We could lay there and stay buried, or we could use that dirt. Maybe develop our skills so we can get a better job, or one in our chosen field. We can work on improving our relationship skills so that we will be a better spouse. Perhaps we will be more selective and find someone better aligned with our values? When life throws some dirt on us, we should ask ourselves, am I going to be buried or am I going to be planted?
What if it seems that life has been throwing dirt on us for years and we are not growing one bit? What if we have spent years toiling away, seemingly underground, for little or no result? For that, I will leave you with this little info about the growth cycle of bamboo. Just something to ponder. Don’t give up. Never give up!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 