Monday can be tough for anyone. In addition to what life throws at us, we now have to deal with what the boss throws at us as well. This can leave us feeling drained, and even defeated at the end of the day. It can have us wondering how we can manage to make it to another day. It is important to remember that is where true courage comes from.
Many people think that ‘courage’ means taking on a lofty challenge or goal. It can be that. What is also courage, and often takes a great deal more is to wake up and face another day when you feel you have nothing left. That is also courage. Remember when you put your head on the pillow, head filled with doubts and fears, only to rise another day, that makes you courageous. When you feel you have lost everything that was dear to you, but still you go on. That is courage. When life knocks you down, but you slowly get back up, that makes you courageous.
Sometimes the greatest courage in life is that small voice that whispers to us. That takes courage to listen to.
I am going to ask you a few questions. Stick with me as I think we will both learn a lot through our answers. I found this chart really helpful with my gym and workouts. After a full body workout, the next day you may feel like you may be able to lift a small car, but struggle to get off the toilet because it was leg day. Looking at this chart, does it not make sense that different muscles in the body take different time to recover? They are different shapes, and involved in different processes in the body.
Sticking with this idea, would it make sense to you that they may recover quicker after some workouts than others? How about the time to recover may be different from person to person? My muscles tend to recover rather quickly. Margie 2 days after a workout might need assistance picking up her cell phone. Our bodies and the way they react after a workout differ. Some days I am ready to go the next day. Other days it takes me a while. Does that make sense to you? To recap, different muscles recover at different rates. On any given day they may recover quicker or slower. Muscle recovery not only varies from muscle to muscle and day to day, but certainly from person to person. This all seems pretty logical right?
While this seems to make sense with muscles, let me ask you another question. How long does it take to recover from the end of a relationship? How about the loss of a job? The loss of a loved one? I often use fitness as a way to show different aspects of self-improvement as they are very similar. We never think there is something wrong with us because it took us a little longer to recover from a workout than it did last time. We never feel less than because Bob or Betty recovered from their leg day better than we did. Why should it be any different when it comes to how we recover from a personal tragedy?
One last thought on this. When we have had a particularly tough workout, we are not afraid to use tools or ask for help in our recovery. That could be those glorious massage beds at the gym, consuming some protein or a simple pain pill. When we need to recover from life we feel like we cannot ask for help, or we do not use any tools to help us recover. Many of us do not even have any tools or strategies that could help us. You would not workout without a plan for recovery. Why would you go through life without one?
My point is this – just as muscles recover different, so do people. Just like it can take us longer to recover after some workouts than others, life can be tougher to tackle sometimes. When we are having problems recovering from a workout we go for a massage or take some type of pain pill. We may even ask for some advice from a personal trainer. The same should be true when we are struggling to recover from what life throws at us. Maybe we need to take a day off or indulge in some self-care. We may even reach out for help to a friend or therapist. This should make us feel no different than needing help after a tough workout.
There are many pressing questions to answer in life. This is, however, one of the better ones. This is for a good many reasons. By answering it we both add service to both ourselves and others. I suggest we spend a good deal of time pondering this question often. The benefits of doing so are reduced stress, clarity and well-defined purpose. It also greatly increases the chances that we will turn out to be a decent human being.
Let us take a look at how this all plays out. First, by examining what we are doing for others, we make sure that we are indeed doing something for others. It will assist us in not living a self-centered sort of existence. It may help to open our eyes to more opportunities to positively impact the lives of those around us. Are we making the most of the gifts we are given? This can also help us gain clarity and purpose in where our lives are headed. This can greatly reduce the stress we are feeling. There is yet another benefit to pondering what we are doing for others.
When we are thinking about what we are doing for others, we are focused on them and their issues and how we can be of benefit to them. This, if only for a moment, stops us from dwelling in the misery of our own problems. When we do realize that others have problems, it can help put our own in perspective. When we do come up with a way in which we can be a service to others, it gives us a feeling of value and purpose. This mindset can also help us with our own issues.
Just when we both thought i was done with the posts about 6 inches, one more was brought to my attention. I was at the super market dismayed at all of the carts left in the parking lot. The cart attendant informed me of something far worse for them. I could not imagine something worse than a lazy ignorant person who puts there cart up on an island verses walking a few feet to a coral.
The young man looked at me and confessed that did irritate him. “What is worse is when people mix up the small carts with the large ones. ” He went on to explain that they have to pull them all apart and put all the like sizes together before bringing them in the store. “It is really tough in the snow. ” he added.
That is something I could not wrap my head around. Truly if you went to the grocery store and purchased things it would be a safe assumption you had the ability to read. Being that you decided to purchase the 12 mega roll toilet paper verses the 6, it would be safe size differential was not the issue. Yet, here we are. Small carts are put in in area marked ‘large’ and the other way around. The difference between the two sides? Yep, you guessed it, 6 inches.
Again, this turns out not to be an issue of distance, but lack of respect and personal pride. Put your cart back where it goes. Even if that is 6 inches further.
Last post we discussed how a mere 6 inches can make a huge difference in the world. If you haven’t had a chance to read it, you might wish to take a peak. The more I thought about it, the more that holds true in relationships as well. I almost titled this post “6 inches makes the difference in relationships” but that certainly could be misinterpreted. Do you best to get that thought out of your mind and let us move on.
Having a successful relationship is not as difficult, or as complicated as many would have you believe. Setting up some great communication and respect is all it really takes. You can have an ordinary successful relationship. My guess is that if you are reading this that would not be enough for you. Someone reading a site called “Secret2anamazinglife” would most likely want an amazing relationship. This is also not as complicated or difficult as you may think. There are a few basic mindset changes to make. By making these mindset changes, you will automatically take actions that will lead to relationships that are deeper, healthier and more productive for both parties.
How do you take your relationships from ordinary to extraordinary? The answer is in the words themselves. How to you change the word ‘ordinary’ to ‘extraordinary’? You simply add a little extra to it. This is exactly how it works in relationships. Perhaps your spouse asks you to stop at the store to pick up an item for them. Why not pick up a little surprise? Do not know what they would like? There is a good place to start, by listening. When they ask you to help them with something, try doing it with a smile and doing a little bit extra.
These may seem like obvious actions to take, but there are more subtle ones as well. As we briefly touched on above, why not practice listening more. This is not listening to respond, but to understand. Listen to learn. Our partners, or any relationship for that matter, will tell us what they like and dislike and what makes them happy and unhappy if only we would listen. Think of all the ability you would have to improve your relationships if you knew the other party’s likes and dislikes? Their favorite movies, books, places to eat, things to do for fun and anything else they would share. This will also make gift giving a lot less stressful for you as well.
Sometimes the extra can be time. Spending that little extra time thinking about the other person. What makes them happy? What can you do to make them happy or to take away some of their stress? One of my favorite things to do is to spend that little extra time thinking about everything you have to be grateful for in regards to this person. Then, you can think about how you would like to express this gratitude. Let me assure you that expressing genuine gratitude for someone and everything they bring to your life is some of the best ‘extra’ you can do. Do not take my word for it. Try it yourself!
Go the little bit extra. Whether that is a little extra silly or creating memories that even get you on the news, put a little extra effort in. That extra will take you from ordinary to extraordinary! On the top of your list should be thinking of what you have to be grateful for and how to express it!
Take a look at all of these items. They are all roughly 6 inches long. For me, the easiest to picture is roughly the length of a pen. Not very big at all. This can be the difference between being a decent human being or making the world that much more difficult for others. Can the length of a pen really make that much of a difference? It can and I would love to share with you how this became evident to me. Forget ‘going the extra mile’. For most of us, all it would take would be 6 inches.
I was out having a wonderful rare afternoon off with my beautiful lady. She wanted to go shopping to look for a few things. The store we went to had the shopping carts just inside the entrance. I had not noticed them on the way in as we took ours from in the parking lot, saving the person bringing them in at least one cart. After we spent some time shopping, I was waiting by the carts while she checked out. What I noticed shocked me. The carts were in the middle of the entrance making it difficult for customers to enter the store. It was not that there were too many. It was because people had pushed them into the general area, but did not push them into each other. The amount each cart would have to have been moved? You guessed it, 6 inches. I strolled over and pushed them all together. It took me less than 2 minutes. The space was clear and people could safely enter the store.
As we left the store, the 6 inch rule held true. It is a busy little strip mall. Including many stores that my lady would love to visit. As you can imagine, there are also a good deal of cars there. It was a brisk day and I am sure many people would have loved to park close to the store. Some may even had difficulty walking. If you looked at some of the cars, they were not quite between the lines. Some a mere 6 inches over. The time it would have took for them to correct this would have been less than a minute. Instead they left their car as it was. This means that the spot next to them would not be available to use. Someone would have to walk further in the cold, or if they had trouble walking, struggle a good distance more. Why? Why do people not go the extra 6 inches?
It can’t be to save time. The parking fix would take less than a minute. For me to arrange all of the carts in the store took less than 2 minutes. Sure, a little bit is due to pure laziness. What the main challenge is, however, is the lack of respect for our fellow humans. We are all agitated when we can’t find a parking spot, but see a few that have been lost due to some unenlightened soul parking 6 inches over the line. Maybe we bang our side on a shopping cart left in the middle of the entrance to the store? All of these moments would take us no time at all and only require us to go the ‘extra 6 inches’.
When we think of changing the world and making it a better place for everyone, we often think of grand gestures. Nobody thinks about putting away their shopping cart or making sure their parking job leaves room for the next person. It is not a little extra effort on your part. It is that little extra respect we can show for our fellow humans. 6 inches can change the world. It can be for the better. It can be for the worse. it is up to us to decide.
In the United States, today we will celebrate Veterans Day. Originally called Armistice Day which was created to celebrate the end of World War I, it was later changed to include all veterans. The purpose is to honor the debt that we all owe to those who have served in the protection of our freedoms and way of life.
What I would like to examine is the often overlooked irony and painful sacrifice that a lot of veterans go through. A man or woman will sign up for the armed forces for many reasons. Most of them involve an ideological, or moral conviction to defend the liberties they are afforded. They believe so strongly in these that they are willing to put their lives on the line to defend them. The irony is that the people who make the decisions to go to war, often do not show these same commitments themselves. The politicians and heads of state can be consumed in a quest for power, or a fit of ego. Still, the faithful soldier will go to battle to defend his country and his family.
The hard truth is that many of them never stop fighting. I am not talking about serving in the military until they die. No, many retire and can be haunted by what they saw or even had to do in battle. Some struggle openly. Some struggle silently. They are never free of their demons even if they choose not to show them. This can result in addictions to drugs, alcohol or nightmares that never go away. In this country, every 22 minutes a veteran will take their own life. Some never even spoke about the pain they were experiencing.
If you have a chance when you are out remember to thank a veteran for their service. Not just today, but every day. You may not agree with wars they have fought, and they might not have either, but they served for a belief to defend all that we hold dear. In anyway that you can, reach out to donate to, or even help at, agencies that serve veterans. These could save the life of one of the veterans we lose every 22 minutes. They served with spirit to help us.We owe them the same help.
The good-looking and charming gent above is me, while writing these blogs at my favorite Starbucks. While working here I tend to block out what is happening around me. This annoys Margie, but comes in handy when trying to complete a blog or book. The banter of the staff, the sometimes loud music and conversation of other patrons can be hard to block out for some. That is what Margie informed me of as she worked on her school work. For me, I get lost in the writing and look up to find an entirely different staff and group of people sitting around me. This happens more often than I care to admit.
Today was a little different. As I was writing my blogs I was casually observing the conversations being had around me. The staff here does an excellent job of greeting everyone who comes in. Quite often that greeting is followed by an inquiry as to the state of the individual. That could be a simple, “How are you today?” to something a little more in depth. It is nice to see that much engagement. Here is the crazy thing, most of the responses were negative. By most, I mean all of the ones that I heard. If you are keeping score at home, after being greeted by several employees and then asked how their day was going, most of the people had something negative to say. One man complained it was too sunny for him, only to follow up with the line, “At least it isn’t cloudy like it has been.” I thought to myself, “Wait, you are mad that it is sunny, but were not happy it was cloudy?” Between you and me, I do not think that leaves many other options.
In addition to these back and fourth quick engagements, I also caught pieces of conversations between several parties sitting down having coffee together. There were some discussing their disappointment the the state of government affairs. Another involved complaints about how their children were handling their lives. I understand wanting to vent to a friend. It is good for our mental health. Do you know what else is good for our mental health? Some positivity!
While discussing this with my friend Jason, he made what I think was a great analogy. When are we more likely to leave a review, after good service or bad? Here is the crazy thing, how do we feel after writing such a review? Sure, we may feel vindicated in the moment. We also usually relive the moment in our mind as we are typing. This often has us upset all over again. Now ask yourself, how do you feel after relaying good news to a friend? How do you feel after hearing their good news?
To recap, we feel worse when discussing something negative and happy when discussing something positive. In reflection, how much of our conversation falls into either category? I am just as guilty and find this a great opportunity to improve this aspect of my life. Here is my idea and I would love to hear yours. From now on when someone inquires as to my well-being, I am going to do my best to answer with something I am grateful for. This will accomplish two things at once. One, it will reduce my default negative response and two, it will also increase my overall feeling of gratitude.
I am inviting you to do two different things with me. Next time you are out in public, casually observe the tone of the conversations. If you work with the public, notice most people’s response to the question of how are they. Second, think of your own conversations and greetings. Do they involve “Finally being out of work.” or is it “Happy to be above ground!” Will you join me in answering the question, “How are you?” with something you are grateful for? I would love to know what you think about this and how you feel it will affect your life.
Last post we took a long hard look at our view of discipline and how it can be sabotaging our success. If you did not have a chance to read that, may I strongly suggest that you go back to take a look. Today we are going to look at a somewhat broader category of how we view life in general. It will not only give you the motivation to get more done, but make life a lot more enjoyable. Especially the struggles we all have to go through on our journey of self-improvement.
When we are looking to purchase something, the first question many of us ask is, “What will this cost?” This makes sense. We need to understand how much of our funds, time or effort will this item cost. Is there a more economical option? If so, we generally will gravitate towards that. This holds true for most material things. Then why do any of us buy a diamond ring? Surely there are cheaper options. When I asked my beautiful lady to marry me, I could have got the ring out of a gumball machine. Despite what I told her, that is not what happened. Before we answer why we often purchase more expensive items, let us look at some other examples.
Think of effort. There are things that take a great deal of effort. Working out to get in shape. That takes a lot of effort. Who would want to do that? There are gyms that are always busy though. Speaking of gyms, after the new year they are usually even busier. By February, they are back to their usual amount of people. Why? This can be answered with the mindset we will be discussing. How about healthy eating? How many people start with the best intention and end up with a face full of tacos? Think of projects we begin with great enthusiasm. Maybe a house renovation or even a relationship? Only to find our house the same or with one less person in it.
How can we work to improve success in all of those endeavors and why do we sometimes purchase more expensive items when there are cheaper ones readily available? The picture above does an amazing job of answering that question. Here is how to both increase your chances of success in life as well as making it less stressful. How does that sound for a great equation? Greater success and less stress getting it? Making it through that hard workout without throwing in the towel, literally and figuratively? Will you still be hyperventilating and sweating like a high schooler on exam day? Sure, but you will be doing so with a smile on your face and a determination to stick with it. This will not only help you say ‘no’ to the free doughnuts in the breakroom and stick to your healthy eating goals, but whatever resolution you make on New Year’s Eve or any other day as well.
This change in mindset will also help free you from spending time on things that are not really important to you. The mindset change simply involves asking yourself one different question. Instead of asking yourself “What will this cost me?” switch to asking yourself “What is this worth to me?” In addition to focusing on the destination, it gives purpose to the goal. When you are on the treadmill and your lungs feel like they are about to explode, are you thinking about the pain and discomfort? Most of us are. That is why it is so hard for people to stick with a fitness plan. The next time they are going to the gym they are thinking of everything it is going to cost them. The drive there. The discomfort of their muscles as they are working out. The soreness they will experience after. If you are focused on all of these things, you will not make it long-term.
Now, if you ask yourself, “Is good physical fitness worth it to me?” That will lead to a different focus. Is it worth it to be able to keep up with your kids or grandkids? Is it worth it to be able to go up a flight of stairs without the aid of a team of sherpas and a liter of oxygen? Are the sore muscles worth being able to stand for long periods of time without your back feeling like it is going to break in two? Is the stigma of being the oldest person in the gym worth not being the youngest person in the nursing home?
That is the fitness example. It is pretty straight forward and easy to understand. Here is something a little trickier and more sensitive. It works the same in your relationships. When you think of a relationship there is lots of work involved. This is especially true if you want a deep and successful one. Is it worth sacrificing your happiness for that of your partner or the relationship on occasion? Is having awkward and difficult discussions to establish rules and borders within the relationship? How about the disagreements when you have opposing values? When you focus on these things, staying single seems like a better option.
Now ask yourself questions about worth. Is it worth it to have a person to always come home to? Is it worth it to have someone who often understands you better than you understand yourself? Is having someone you know will always have your back? How about love that will grow and continue to teach you about yourself and life in general? Having someone to wrap your arms around on a cold winter night, is that worth it to you? If it is, you will gladly suffer the costs if you continue to focus on the value and worth of the relationship.
In some of these cases the honest answer may be ‘no’ and that is ok. It would be better for us to know this at the onset. If you tell yourself “I am going to start working out in the new year.” Ask yourself how much is being physically fit worth to you? Is it worth the challenges you will have to overcome? If not, it may be better for you to focus on a goal that is more in line with your value.
Do not take my word on this. Try it for yourself. Trade focusing on cost to focusing on worth and see how much more determination and discipline you will find yourself having. It will also help reduce the stress going through these challenges knowing how much the payoff is worth to you.
Many of us have a negative association with the word ‘discipline’. It starts from childhood where we are disciplined for perceived bad behavior. This can be standing in the corner, a spanking or any other sort of punishment. In fact, it is here where we see discipline and punishment as the same. Then we move to school. Not much better here. We can be disciplined for acting up in class. Maybe even leading the class on an impromptu field trip while the teacher is out of the room. Say to the park…down the street. Who knew that was against the rules? Obviously not me in pre-school.
This is where another negative association to discipline begins. If our grades are not up to standards, we are told we have to be disciplined in our studies. This can result in long hours of pouring over the books and missing much of the fun our friends are enjoying. As an adult, things to not get much better. We have to be disciplined in our eating if we want to be healthy. This can mean missing out on many of our favorite foods. It can be forcing ourselves to eat many things we do not enjoy. We have to be disciplined about going to work. That sure is fun isn’t it? Roughly 87% of us do not like our current occupation. So that discipline is not enjoyable for most of us.Even as we leave work we have to remain disciplined in doctor visits and taking medication. Not much fun there.
Here is what nobody tells us. Discipline is the key to freedom. In each of the examples above, with maybe the exception of my pre-school adventures, the discipline was helping us gain some freedom. Learning how to properly behave in society allows us to have the freedom to get along once we are out on our own. Being disciplined in our studies not only helps us learn skills we will need in the real world, but shows us the value of committing focused time and effort to developing a skill. As far as being disciplined with our health, that gives us the freedom to enjoy a life with less sickness and injury. Life is no fun when you are constantly at home with the latest illness going around. Being disciplined with coming into work will keep us employed and earning a paycheck. As far as remembering to go to the doctor and take our meds, well that keeps us…alive! Freedom there!
We are taught to view discipline as what we have to go through, or even as a punishment. What many of us are not made aware of is what that discipline will result in. This change in mindset can transform our lives. Not only will it assist us in sticking to our discipline, it will make it more enjoyable. All of that will lead to a more successful life. If you will like to learn more about the power of this mindset change, join us tomorrow when we dive deeper into it.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 