In the nanosecond, results now world we live in, this can be a concept that is hard to warm to. Try to convince a younger person that the quickest way is not always the best way and you may receive some quizzical looks. Improving our diet and fitness is not a quick fix, but the effort is worth it. Just one example. If you want to accomplish anything, there will be challenges, delays and a host of other unexpected items to contend with along the way. We may want to throw away all of our junk food, start eating only healthy food and go to the gym everyday after work. What we really need to do is focus on small changes that will last and build on our success.
The fact is we cannot always do it all at once. We must be like water and use our persistence to cut through rock. It may take longer than we would like, but the results of not giving up are undeniable. Take a look at the Grand Canyon! Social change, like the kind Mr. King made, takes a great deal of time. We would like to change the minds and hearts of others overnight, but sometimes they need time. All we can do is persist.
Although you may not accomplish your goal as quick as you would like, if you take as much action as you can, accomplish it you will. It may seem like you are crawling at times, but remember, you are still moving forward. If you are tempted to think it doesn’t make a difference, maybe having a picture of the Grand Canyon around would help.
There are so many ways in which technology, and the crazy world in which we live, have made it easier to be successful. One of the ways is to keep our mouth shut. What I mean by that is to understand the power of silence. In a world where everybody is doing almost anything for their fifteen minutes of fame, staying quiet and composed can put us above the crowd. One fact is that your words, whether spoken on a podcast, written in a blog or uttered in a YouTube video, will be used to judge and define you. I am not advocating never saying a word, just make sure they are good ones. Let other people fill social media with useless banter. Let us take the time to choose our words wisely. Pondering this brings to mind one of my favorite Abraham Lincoln quotes.
Honest Abe was pretty good with his words. His most famous speech, the Gettysburg Address, is a rather short but powerful one. He often told amusing humorous stories, but did not waste words. One thing he did when he felt the urge to expound on the negative thoughts he had about someone was to write a letter. Then, he would put those letters in a drawer in his desk. Many were only discovered after his death. There is a valuable lesson to be learned from the former president here. If we feel the need to vent or spew some literary venom, we might want to confine it to a diary or journal. Let us keep our words short and powerful like Mr. Lincoln’s famous speech. Let that work remind us that you do not have to say a lot to have a huge impact.
This should be a lesson we learn as we make our way into adulthood. Sadly, that is not the case. When we are in school, if someone calls us a name we would call them one. Often, we try to think of a more insulting name to use. At the end of the day, both of us are insulted and walk away feeling a little bit less about ourselves. It is a complete waste of both parties energies. Watching the world of politics, it is clear several adults have never grown out of this phase.
Rising above the petty actions of our enemies is seldom, if ever, a fulfilling action at the time. What is great is how you feel upon reflection of the event going forward. “Yes, I was the bigger person.” is an answer that will last longer than any name you are called. If we lower ourselves to the actions of our enemies, we become no better than they.
Old Blue Eyes has some amazing song lyrics, but none are as good as this quote. While people are busy coming up with a bigger insult, we should be busy on improving ourselves and our lives. While they are spending their energy on actions to belittle or attack us, we can be working on bettering our lot in life. Then, at the end of the day they will be no further ahead, well we will be more successful. In fact, they will be further behind. Why? They have squandered the most valuable resource that we have – time. They have spent theirs concerned with our life instead of improving their own. Even if they succeed at temporarily derailing our life, how has it helped theirs? It hasn’t.
Take the above advice from Mark and Frankie. Do not be like your enemy. Instead, focus on creating your own success.
A few posts ago, we wrote about how important it was to get out of abusive relationships. The same can be said about a job situation that is slowly killing your soul or any other harmful situation. Although these are logical steps to living and amazing life, they are far from easy ones. Relationships can be very difficult to get out of. Shared economics, promises of people changing, family and religious expectations can make things difficult. That job may give us a false sense of economic security.
As the picture above tells us, just to attempt such things takes a great deal of bravery. If we let our boss talk us into staying a little longer while we keep our eyes open for another opportunity, that is understandable. Do we give that person we know won’t change another chance? That’s up to us, but we must consider our own well-being. These things may take several attempts to accomplish before we can finally follow through. Do not beat yourself up if you fail on your first attempt. The fact that you are endeavoring to better your life takes a lot of guts.
Whether it is giving up unhealthy eating, smoking or an abusive partner, it may take time and several attempts, but each one is an act of courage and a chance to learn something new about ourselves and our situation. Even if you stumble, do not beat yourself up, and certainly do not give up! You are brave for even trying.
The world can sure seem like a tough place these days. I say seem for a very important reason we will get to in just a little bit. Negative news seems to come at us from every corner. It is delivered on our phones, our laptops, the evening news and even at work in conversations with coworkers. In this country there is an election looming so I am sure we will all hear about how terrible the world is and how much worse it will get if we don’t vote for a specific candidate. It doesn’t even matter the party, the message is pretty much the same.
All of this can be pretty overwhelming. Even those of us who do our best to stay away from such things often can’t help but be subjected to them. It can leave you feeling a little less than hopeful about not only your life, but the state of the world in general. There are a few things to keep in mind, and two specific things you can do, to keep this from happening. At the very least, you will have it happen less often and it the feelings of despair will not last as long.
The first thing to keep in mind is that things are never as bad as you are lead to believe. Fear is what sells. Think of AI for example. Yes, there are many scary things that can be attached to it, but there are also miracles waiting to develop from it as well. Think of what it will mean to the world of medicine and the treatment of disease. We will be able to develop treatments and cures far quicker than we have ever been able to before. Technology has made personal communication more difficult, but it has also helped people stay in touch and find each other. Change is always a double edged sword. Knowing that there are both good and bad in everything will help balance things out. Knowing that you may be one of the few people thinking this way will also help put things in perspective. Most people who converse with you will just be repeating what they hear. This is often the fear and negativity we just mentioned.
What can you do when you are exposed to all of this? The answer is what kick-started this blog. The first thing you can do is to make sure you have enough positive influences around you. Here is a hint – you can never have enough. Subscribe to funny or inspiring pages on your social media. Subscribe to a wonderful daily motivational blog, such as secret2anamazinglife.com. That way you will be sure that each day motivation will come to you. There are free motivational apps for your phone. Make yourself a ‘happy playlist’ of songs that lift your spirits. Make sure to spend time with people who do the same.
Here is a lesson that I learned that caused me to start this blog in the first place. That is that you can either be part of the problem by complaining about how rotten the world is, or you can be part of the solution by making it better. The negativity of the world frustrated me, and still does on occasion. When it seems that the level of negativity seems to be growing out of control, I use that as motivation to increase the amount of positivity I bring to the world. If I am feeling this way, I imagine many others are feeling the same, if not worse. If my words and actions can make their life a little brighter, perhaps it will start a ripple and I will be doing my part to make the world a better place as a whole.
To recap, if you want to keep the world from bringing you down, make sure you have enough positive influences and become part of the solution. Bob Marley referred to complaints as ‘prayers to the devil’. I have to agree with Bob on this one. Sitting and complaining without acting only makes the situation worse. Ask yourself what you can do to help change things for the better. If you can’t come up with anything, go help someone else while you are thinking about it. I promise you will make the world better for two people if you do.
No, this is not an article about how to have brief romantic encounters. Although, now that I think about it, this formula might work for that as well. No, this is the answer to why some people seem to have things seem to fall in place for them, while others seem to struggle even when good fortune smiles upon them. If you wish to create more good luck in your life, the secret is to really work harder. The harder you work, the luckier you will be. The opposite holds true as well. If we do not work to prepare ourselves for good fortune, when it arrives it will do us no good. Imagine being gifted your dream car, but you can’t drive it because you never got around to renewing your license. I can use this example because I just remembered to do that. How about being offered that dream job, but not being equipped to do a great job at it? (For those of you looking for a talk show host, I have been practicing)
The above quote speaks to what we have been talking about. Briefly touching on ‘getting lucky’, can you imagine running into the person of your dreams but your life is such a dumpster fire they want nothing to do with you? In my life, I have been fortunate to have a partner that is willing to learn and grow with me. I suggest that you prepare for all of the good fortune you desire so that when it does come, you can make the most of it. Want to be a famous singer? Start practicing now so that when you are offered a recording contract you do not sound like a cat stuck in a lawnmower. Want to ‘get lucky’ with that special person? Start learning how to be a respectful, charming and healthy partner now! That way when they do come along you can sweep them off their feet.
The harder we work, the easier life becomes. The less effort we put in, the harder life will be. You want to be lucky? Get to work.
Here is a word that I would like to put in all of our vocabularies. The ability to embrace things about us that are not perfect, especially in today’s world, can be quite difficult. To do so and still be able to understand that we are still beautiful, wonderful and amazing people can be next to impossible. One thing that may make that easier is having a word to describe just that. “Flawsome” is something we should all be. We all have flaws, yet we are all rock stars at something too.
Flaws are not always the curse we see them as. When viewed by others, flaws can make us relatable. Often, having flaws gives us credibility. How much would you trust someone who tells you they are perfect at everything? I know I wouldn’t. When you own your flaws, and understand they do not make you less of a person, you make it more difficult for others to use them against you.
If there are two things I know about the people I love in my life, it is the fact they have flaws, and they are still totally awesome! Those two facts hold true about you as well. Do not let things about you that need improvement convince you that you are anything less than the beautiful soul you are. You, me, and the rest of the world are all “Flawsome”.
How many of us have people in our lives that continue to let us down and put us in awkward situations? How many of us have people who do this over and over again? It can be hard to make the decision to cut someone off from our life. If we keep these people around us, it is like gripping a hot coal and complaining about it burning us. If we were to just let it go it would cease to burn us and we could begin our healing.
That is not to say that every time there is a misunderstanding or falling out between two parties that it is time to walk away. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has bad days. You have had them. I have had them. If there is someone who repeatedly hurts us and we keep inviting them back into our life, it is us to blame, not them. If someone stabs you in the back, it would be good to keep knives away from them. This is a lot of metaphors, but they all say the same thing, people who have no regard to you or your feelings should be shown the door.
Be on the lookout for circuses that you attend in your own life. If you find yourself routinely complaining about how someone treats you, ask yourself why they are still in your life. Yes, it is hard to cut someone off. That is a one-time hurt. What is worse is to keep someone in your life that hurts you over and over again. You are worth much more than that.
One of the most interesting things in my life has been regret. This emotion is certainly a tricky one. It can paralyze us. How many of us beat ourselves up over actions we took long ago that we can’t undo. I know I still do on occasion. I used to tell people that this was foolish. However, much like everything in life, I asked myself how I could use this feeling. The worse I felt, the more powerful the feeling was. That, in itself, was the answer. It was a very powerful emotion, albeit a negative one. How could I, and more to the point you, use this situation to our advantage?
Regret is one of the worst emotions. At funerals it even surpasses loss. Wishing you would have, or should have done or said this or that can torment you for the rest of your life. Here is what I have learned about regret – it can be something to be grateful for. This may sound crazy, but let me explain. In my own life there have been so many regrets. I think about the way I acted and treated certain people. Many of those words and actions cannot be undone. What those terrible feelings can do is drive me to treat everyone the best I can moving forward. I regret not taking better care of myself, but those feelings can help me focus on my physical and mental health moving forward.
A lot of people will tell you that you should get over regret. I am going to tell you to use it. Whenever those feelings crop up, find a way to do the opposite. Regret not telling someone you love them before they passed away? Reach out to a friend that is in your life currently and let them know how much you care. The best way to deal with regret is to put it to work for you creating an amazing life.
Next to gratitude, which we discussed last post, clarity in one of the most powerful forces to improve your life. When you are clear as to where you want to go in life, you can always tell if you are getting closer or further away. Not sure of where you want to go in life? That can leave you feeling confused and that your life has no direction. I don’t know if you have ever felt that way, but I have and it is not any fun. How crazy is it to be unsure if your life is getting better or worse?
A clear purpose for your life actually reduces stress. Why? It can help you to better design the next steps and actions to take. Goals become easier to reach because they are attached to a bigger life purpose. Here is an important distinction. Goals and life purpose are two entirely different things. When we talk about life purpose, we are speaking of legacy. Why are you here? How do you want to be remembered when you are gone? How can you make the world a better place while you are here? These are the important questions to ask while you are here. They will give you the clarity you seek. Your life purpose is not something you can finish. Say you are a chef. Your purpose may be to supply the world with delicious food that brings smiles to people’s faces and joy to their stomachs. You will continue to do that with every meal you create, every cookbook you write or every cooking video you post. Maybe you are a future best-selling author who wants to bring joy to the hearts of millions. You will continue to do so with every book you write, every blog you post or every podcast episode you appear on.
As mentioned earlier, this also helps you come up with goals to accomplish. If you are a chef, maybe creating a cookbook would let people try creating your amazing recipes at home. If you make cooking videos, it will help them feel like you are in the kitchen with them. As long as you know it will help with your life mission to bring joy to the world through food. Gain clarity in your own life. It will bring you joy. It will bring the world joy.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 