Here is a quick and interesting thing you may wish to explore when you find yourself not in the best of spirits. Most people who know me personally know that I do NOT advocate watching the evening news. Now for those of you saying “Well I want to be informed Neil” I would have to ask “informed about what?” if you need to know what the weather is going to be tomorrow they have a channel/website/app for all of that. See if your favorite team won, same answer. Check traffic? by the time the news gets to that you may very well be stuck in it or wasted time you would’ve used to be on your way. Better to check online or again most people can do this on your phone. Why I am so anti local news. Well let’s look what they inform us about. I had a customer who plays the organ, his story was going to be on the news. So I sat down to watch. In the first 5 minutes, not a second longer I had heard about 2 murders, 1 arson and a company that was laying off 250 people. Now by me learning this information how did it improve my life? I certainly and regrettably can do nothing for the people who were killed. Nor could I rebuild the person’s house that burned down, or offer a job to any of the 250 people who lost theirs. No, all it did was make me feel terrible. It also slants our opinion that the world is getting worse by providing us all the examples we need to show that. Thus it gets people’s minds focused on that and when people start to lose hope and optimism the world really does start getting worse. it is a rather self-fulfilling prophecy. If all you hear about is how bad things are, then that is what you will discover in your life. Now, I am not saying we should skip around and avoid reality. No, it is important to see some things that are not working in order to think of ways they could be better, but to be fed a constant stream of negative information we can do little or nothing about only serves to bring us down and weaken our ability to enjoy the world. Another fine example of this principle was demonstrated by the truck driver who picks up the mail at the post office. he came in angry about what he had just heard on the talk show he listens to on the radio. He proceeded to tell me all about what the ‘other political party was doing’ I asked him how that made him feel. I’ll spare you the exact words, but let’s just say ‘very angry’ Here is the funny part, this was something he chose to listen to. It was the political party he agreed with. So I asked him if it makes him feel angry why listen? He looked at me indignantly and said “So I can stay informed, I don’t want to be ignorant like some people” I asked him what he got out of being informed other than being frustrated and angry. Let us just say the rest of the conversation didn’t go so well. I know some people get this way listening to sports programs or talk shows. The fact here is this. If is not information we can use to bring about a positive and productive change and we are actively doing just such a thing and not just walking around telling everyone else what the other political party, religion, or sports team is doing and how terrible it is. If something leaves us angry, sad, hopeless or pessimistic it is time to be honest with ourselves and ask if it is really serving us? Even if we are more informed are we really more use to humanity if that information comes at the cost of our emotional well-being? I don’t know about you, but I would much rather spend time with someone who sees the beauty in all people, than one who can ‘convince me’ one religion is better than the other. I would also much rather spend time with someone who can inform me of avenues that are bringing about a positive change than a person who will tell me how to vote so the other party will not bring about the end of the world. So next time you find yourself being upset by something ask yourself, is this really worth it?
SORRY TO BE A BOTHER…
There are lots of things that are posted on here that may be issues I am struggling with myself. This happens to be one of them. It is a very interesting dilemma that was brought to my attention by both a coworker and a very good friend. Who do you talk to when you are feeling bad, anxious or nervous about something in your life? Do you have a few certain people you confide in? Perhaps you just write in a journal. let me tell you what I do. The reason I am sharing this is so you will not do it as well. Most people see me as the guy that is “happy all the time” first of all that is not exactly true which is an issue we discussed in the post titled ‘frequently asked question’. The fact remains that shockingly I live in the real world too and sometimes it just sucks. not very inspiring I realize, but true. So what does Neil do when I am in a bad mood? Well the thought process in my head, which can be scary at times, goes something like this. “I’m the guy that likes to make everybody happy, but now I am not happy” “well, you can’t be the person who makes everyone unhappy and brings them down” “maybe you should just not be around people until you are happy again” Let me tell you this is really the wrong way to handle things for several reasons. There are a lot of people who say “I prefer to handle problems on my own” That statement is an excuse. what it usually translates to is “I’m afraid to make myself vulnerable and let other people see me when I am hurting” or in my case and several other giving people I know “Everybody is dealing with their own problems I don’t want to be a ‘Debbie downer'” it is true that nobody enjoys being around somebody who is always down. It is also true that everybody has bad days. When you are more of a giver you tend to see other people’s problems greater than your own. I remember a situation when I stopped myself from sharing why I was having a bad day because of work issues with a friend of mine because they had just broken up with their boyfriend which I figured was truly more painful than what I was going through. I didn’t want to ‘bother’ my friend with my little problem. Then I heard a story about two guys going out for dinner and one fellow who was a little better off refusing to let the other fellow buy. While he felt he was being considerate he forgot to think about how his actions may affect the other man. “How dare you!” yelled the second man. He felt he was being deprived of the honor of treating his friend for dinner. The other man was thinking that since he had more money he would just pay. Unfortunately this only accentuated the other person’s financial situation. it made him feel like he was taking advantage of the fact that his friend had more money. Obviously this was not the first man’s intent at all. I must confess again, I can be guilty of this very crime. When your behavior tends to lean toward being a giver it can be hard to receive yet by graciously receiving a gift from someone with gratitude you are also giving that person a feeling of joy from giving as well. This was a material example, but the same holds true for what this post is really about. Sharing things that may be bothering you. When you keep problems bottled up inside you are depriving your friends of the feeling of being helpful, needed and a valuable friend. Of course that is not our intent, we just do not want to add to their list of things to worry about or be concerned about. Yet, it conveys a feeling of trust, closeness and demonstrates you either value their opinion or just their ability to listen. Now do not get me wrong, sometimes some solitude and time to think come in handy. As does writing in a journal which we discussed last week. But let us remember we must all be a giver and a receiver. When someone never is allowed to help you they may feel uncomfortable sharing their problems with you out of fear of the friendship being one-sided which will only lead to a distance between friends and a weakening of the friendship. Remember sometimes receiving help can be giving a gift to those who offer it. When you accept that gift whether it be dinner, or just the gift of their time with gratitude and humility you are creating a win/win situation and bringing the friendship closer together. So next time I am having a problem I think I will reread this email and do a little better at receiving.
LOVE YOU LIKE A RITUAL..
Ok, this is actually a title of a song I really like, but has a lot to do with today’s topic. One of the questions I am asked frequently is “Well what do YOU do that makes you so happy all of the time” I am always a bit nervous at answering this one, because sometimes if I tell people and they try it and it does not work, two terrible things happen. One, they begin to doubt the information they receive here or from me. They also may begin to question whether there are really things they can do to increase their passion and joy in life. Two, they think they have done something wrong or worse yet that they have failed somehow, which couldn’t be further from the truth. The fact is that happiness is not a one size fits all production. What makes me happy may not make you happy for whatever reason. Being surrounded by beautiful women and rum makes me happy, some of my friends may not share this method of happiness. Although I do encourage everybody to try it. Fortunately in my life both things are in ample supply, but alas we are back to the gratitude blog again.
To get back to today’s topic, rituals. This is something that occurred to me is something that I do daily that everyone can do and customize to their liking. Develop a daily ‘happiness ritual’ on the surface this may sound a bit goofy, I know it does to me. So much so that I wasn’t even aware I had several that I do that seem to work well. To avoid further complicating a simple issue let me just give you a few examples. there are a few things I noticed that I do on a daily basis. When somebody asks me how I am doing my answer is never “ok, how are you” or even “pretty good thanks for asking” no if someone is kind enough to inquire as to my daily well-being they are usually greeted with a “Legendary!” or “Living the dream” when you change your answer to that imagine what that is telling your subconscious mind? Not to mention saying and hearing the words themselves. When I stop at Starbucks for a morning coffee I usually toast the lady and say “Here’s to an amazing day” although I wouldn’t suggest sipping it right away, those cups are really hot! You do not have to use the above examples if they sound too crazy for you. After all I am a little different from most. Are there things you do every day? Shower I hope? why not say to yourself, or out loud, “here’s to a clean start” When you get in the car and turn the key maybe have the thought, or even say the words “Driving into my successful future” It doesn’t have to be sane to be a good one. Every morning I drive by a field of cows and I always say “have a great day girls” If anybody was with me they may think I am nuts, and quite frankly it does make me question my own sanity, but do you know what else it does? Make me smile! So develop your own daily ritual. Find something you do that you can turn into a daily smile. If you involve another person…cow…horse or something else even better! Rituals are an important part of any culture, what not make them an important part of your day?
REVISTING AN OLD FRIEND..
In several past posts I have mentioned the benefits of keeping a journal. If you are not a regular follower of this blog in addition to me telling you that you should be, let me recap for you quickly some of the benefits. One, it is the cheapest and easiest therapist you can employ. Even the fanciest journals generally cost lest than one visit to a professional therapist. Two, there can provide clarity when our thoughts are going in a million different directions all at once. They also can help you focus on and see the challenges you are facing, and in going back and rereading, if you so desire, can give you examples of past challenges you have overcome. They also can highlight things you have to be grateful for. it can also be a great place to hold a conversation you may not trust to anyone else. It is the perfect ‘old friend’ it doesn’t judge. it is completely unbiased and will listen as long as you care to talk/type/write.
The reason I bring this up today is the past three days we have looked at sources of inspiration and motivation that we can have delivered to us daily. Well in addition to keeping us focused, moving us towards our goals and keeping our spirits up these daily bits of information can be used to help formulate our thoughts for a journal entry. What did the daily inspiration remind you of? How did it influence your day? What do you think about the thought and opinion expressed in general. if you are using the day by day calendar, you can even tape or glue the page right in your journal. Once we start thinking and writing amazing things can happen. If you are not already keeping a journal I strongly encourage you to start now!
KEEP MOTIVATED…DAILY PART THREE!
Really? You are going to tell us there is even a third way to effortlessly have motivation handed to us on a silver platter? You bet I am! So we have a calendar daily, we check our email daily. What is one other thing we do on a daily basis? Ok, before you get to far off the subject or share things with me I do not want to know, let me just give you the answer I am looking for. Check our phones. A majority of the people reading this blog have smart phones. I am even told some of you read this blog on your smart phone. Besides complimenting you are your great choices let me tell you that you are knocking on the door to even more inspiration that you know. In addition to the amazing and sometimes even entertaining secret2anamazinglife.com website you are now reading there are lots of other great things you can receive on your phone. I find it funny a great deal of you probably have the game angry birds on your phone, but no inspirational apps. Yes, such a thing really does exist. Imagine waking up to a beautiful quote and picture first thing in the morning? Would that change your outlook on the day? Would it make the morning commute a little easier to take? It would certainly plant the seed of something great to think about as the boss is yelling at you in the middle of the day. Just don’t let him catch you looking at it or the situation could become very un inspirational. The point here is this, there are lots of apps one can find simply by checking out your phone’s browser. Some I found looking right now are ‘inspirational picture quotes’, ‘inspirational quotes to live by’ and ‘inspirational bible verses’. Now do understand I do not endorse any specific one of these. They just happen to be the first three that came up when I typed in the word inspiration into my app browser on my phone. just another tool that can feed you motivation with little or no effort on your part. For those of you without a smart phone, do not fear, the former two posts will provide you some good alternatives. So one time a day put down the angry bird and pick up some inspiration.
KEEP MOTIVATED…DAILY! PART TWO
yesterday we looked at daily calendars and how they offer a simple, yet powerful way to expand our minds and get closer to our goals. today we are going to look at yet another amazing avenue of simple and effortless motivation…the internet. now this next statement may shock some of you, so if you are reading this while standing up you may wish to take a look for the nearest place to sit down. What is this shocking news? There is a lot of bad stuff on the internet. ok, so maybe that wasn’t so shocking for most of us. I hear daily, mostly from an older crowd, but not entirely, how there is nothing but bad things to be found on the internet. The internet, like books, television or any other medium is neither good or bad. it all resides in how we use it. For all the adult entertainment, scams, online shopping sites we can spend our time and money on, there are also a lot of amazing things to be found online as well. Charity sites. No matter what your passion is, animal rights? rights for the physically or mentally challenged? They all have sights on the internet. In addition to charity sites there are lots of sites that offer daily motivation to their subscribers. More often than not a lot of these are free of charge. Some will send an email to your inbox with an inspiring quote, some an inspiring thought. One of my favorites is Metal Motivation it may be a bit hardcore for some, but I enjoy the ‘daily screams’ or calls to action given there daily. it helps a person like myself who can find themselves a bit unmotivated at times. The point being here that the internet is one tool we can use to add motivation to our lives daily. You are going to check your email anyway, why not have a few inspirational/motivation emails thrown in there? Remember the secret to staying focused and motivated is to make it as automatic as possible.
KEEP MOTIVATED…DAILY! PART ONE
To paraphrase the late Zig Ziglar motivation expert and author, Motivation doesn’t last, neither does bathing that is why we must do it daily. So how to capture this? How can we work in motivation every single day with limited or no effort on our part? How can there be a reminder every single day to seed our mind to greatness and expand our compassion and our drive for success. The answer can be found on your wall, or on your desk, or on that table by the television. It is a great tool that is often overlooked. The day by day calendar. Whoever started this great idea was on to something. it is getting to be that time of year where calendar stores start popping up at your local mall. I strongly suggest paying a visit to one. For roughly the price of one dinner out you can be treated to daily motivation right in your home! They have calendars for all different angles. Trying to become more driven? They have calendars for people who are starting their own business. looking to create more peace and tranquility in your life? Try a zen calendar. The one I am currently using is ‘insight from the Dalai lama’ he is a man I greatly respect and his words give me a lot to think about as I go through my life. All I do to accomplish this is tear off a little piece of paper as I grab my daily cup of coffee. Think of whatever goal you are aspiring to, now imagine 365 powerful thoughts towards its creation. All of them already written and waiting for you with no effort on your behalf. how much closer to accomplishing your goal, whether it will be to be more relaxed, prosperous or enlightened if you could focus on it in a different manner 365 ways in a year. a great thing about these calendars you can tear off the sheet, which is roughly 4 inches by 4 inches and take it with you. fold it up and put it in your pocket/wallet/purse whatever. Then you can take it out and think about it several times a day. My aunt who either has far more ambition, time or both than myself even saved a few of her favorites and made a scrap-book of them. Thus, they can keep inspiring her for years to come. Now if I could only find that calendar with beautiful beaches, lovely island girls and motivational quotes I would be set. Seriously, stop by your local calendar store and take a look around, see what may work for you. Also there are nice little desk calendars and even wall calendars that can provide you with inspirational thoughts weekly or monthly. They are great for developing mantras and building on a single idea for a prolonged period of time. Recently my amazing friend Crystal gave me one and I love it! Not only do I enjoy the inspirational quotes, but I am always reminded of, and grateful for the amazing friend I have in her. So they also make wonderful gifts to inspire others.
WORK YOUR PASSION!
When I talk to people about living their passion a lot of them assume I am telling them to do it for a living. While it is true you can really make a career out of anything that is not what I am suggesting entirely. Though if you do happen to find yourself seeking a way to make a living your passion may not be a bad place to start. So you have discovered your passion. Either through the exercises we discussed yesterday or if you happen to be lucky like me you fall into it during a glass of Captain Morgan and a conversation with two beautiful and amazing friends. Either way, what now? here is my suggestion. Think of how you would most like to involve this passion in your life. Let us take the model train example. perhaps your goal is to have a large model train display you can work on in your spare time. write that down as your ultimate goal, now begin to work backwards. What would you need to do/have to make that happen. If your mind immediately goes to “a lot of money I do not have” you are not thinking positively on your passion. In this case, being that I know very little about model trains I will try to make my best guess. You would need large pieces of wood to set the tracks and buildings on. You would need the trains. How many? You would want buildings. What kind? Crossings? Develop a plan. make a list of all the things you would want and need. now perhaps a couple of hours a week you can work on slowly putting this together. Go window shopping at the hobby store to get ideas, make a list and draw a sketch of how you would like it to look. Say you would like to turn this into a career. you could write a book about your adventures in setting up your display or put together an online video series on how to set up model trains.
let me tell you a more personal example. When my two friends helped me realize that my passion was bringing joy to others and helping them see the beauty in themselves it became an obsession. Especially keeping in mind the words Alysa said about “To bad there are not more people like you” for a brief second I contemplated cloning until I realized I knew little or nothing about the science that goes into that. not to mention we might run into identity theft problems. Seriously though in short order I realized the obvious short-coming in my passion. If you did not come into my post office or bar, or I did not come to you how could I bring you joy? How could I assist you in discovering and appreciating the beauty that is inside of you. How could I help someone in Brazil as well as helping someone in Greenland? Then the idea of starting this blog came to me. You know you are living your passion when pieces fall into place. Shortly after making this decision I reconnected with another amazing friend Kristina. Not only did she know quite a bit about blogs she encouraged me to write a book as well. Since then there has been ideas for audio cd’s as well as online video series. Although I must confess I think my appearance lends itself better to the audio. The point here is I have never been more excited to wake up than I am now. I still work at the post office and the bar, but adding this passion to my life has added more joy, energy and enthusiasm to my life than I can hope for. So write down your goal and begin to work backwards. Work all the way back until you can start thinking of steps you can take today, right now to put you on the road to living your passion. Then take one! As my mentor Tony Robbins says, “never leave the sight of a goal without at least taking one action towards its fulfillment” Not only will it jumpstart your passion it will give you momentum! Have a great weekend and we will see you on Monday!
FIND YOUR PASSION!
In past blogs I have discussed the importance of finding your passion and what a difference that will make in your life. I will discuss that very difference and how to accomplish it in tomorrow’s post, but for today let’s get started with step one. What exactly is your passion. If you were to ask most people what their passion is very few would even know. Fewer still are probably doing anything about it. Involving some kind of passion in our lives can add all sorts of wonderful things. joy quite simply of doing something you love. model trains? Airplanes? The study of quantum physics? Astrology? Everyone has a passion and should incorporate it into their lives. it also gives us something to look forward to during the work day, just try to stay focused or the boss may be displeased. It can supply us ideas for vacations. Extra income opportunities or places to spend our pocket-money that would bring us the most joy.
So the question still remains, how on earth do you discover your passion if you do not know what it is? Once you discover it how do you become passionate about it again. Then once you do, what then? The last part we will address in tomorrow’s post. To answer the first part let me tell you some ideas I heard in an interview with Peter Diamandis, author of the great book Abundance the Future is Better Than you Think Mr. Diamandis suggests thinking of what we enjoyed as a child. What did we love to do before we were convinced we couldn’t? Make a list of all of these. Did you want to be a race car driver? A fireman? President? list as many as you can. Now, the second one is more what I used, but if you combine them the results are even better. Think if someone gave you a billion dollars and said “change the world in any way you would like” what would you do with it? write down as many answers as you can for this one too. you should be able to see a pattern developing. Do all of your ideas involve adventure? Animals? helping people? Now you should be able to pick out a rough idea of your passion. write that down. Now how to feed that passion that we are so inspired we take action. Not just today, but consistently day after day. here is the way to do that. Begin to list why that certain thing excites you. Why is helping people something you are passionate about for example? This was brought to my attention by two amazing friends of mine Carmen and Alysa. I had begun trying to decipher my passion and my purpose in life. Reaching no life-altering revelations I decided to enjoy the benefits of a distilled beverage made from sugar cane, rum if you will. I went down to see my friend Alyssa where she works because not only do they have rum there, but Alysa’s smile can brighten your day so much you may be inspired. As luck would have it my amazing friend Carmen was there as well. The three of us struck up a conversation and Carmen mentioned she always felt happy when we got together. Alysa agreed and mentioned she wish there were more people like me. Let me tell you I was extremely flattered to be spoken so highly of by two amazing, not to mention beautiful women that it got me to thinking that I really did enjoy making people smile. Couple that with the experience I had at the meal program I mentioned in yesterday’s post. I decided that was my passion. Now what could I do with it. That we will discuss tomorrow. So play the fun game mentioned in today’s post. Use the tricks brought to us by Peter Diamandis. Discover that passion and get your desire for it red-hot. We’ll discuss what to do with that burning passion tomorrow!
IS HAPPINESS HARDER TO FIND???
“If you want other to be happy, practice compassion. if YOU want to be happy, practice compassion”
-The Dalai Lama
Here are some interesting facts I pulled out of this months Success Magazine according to a May report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention here are some interesting facts for the years 1999-2010
Suicide in adults age 35-64 rose 28.4%
it rose 48.6% for men in their 50’s
it also rose 59.7% for women age 60-64
So what solution does this article recommend for this issue? Altruism, or simply put, helping others. I know to a lot of you this may sound “new age-ish” but let me assure you it is not. Shawn Achor, author of the book Before Happiness and author of the article cites recent positive psychology research. I am going to cite not so recent Neil past events. There was a time a few years back my life was a mess, my job at the post office was in limbo at best, my relationship had ended and I just seemed more depressed every day. Now of course this is before I started researching and applying lots of the knowledge on display here and in my new book. Back to that time however, I didn’t know which way to go. My friends and family had grown tired of listening to my “woe is me” attitude and quite frankly, so did I. So seeing the post office didn’t care to use my talents I decided to head down to the meal program I helped at once a month. It was not the day that I normally helped, but figured they could always use an extra hand. That simple decision impacted my life dramatically. First, it put in prospective my problems. I still had a job, albeit barely. I was healthy. I had a roof over my head. the people we served that day could only make claim to a few of those, some not even one. Not only that, their expressions of gratitude and genuine wishes of goodwill for me were overwhelming. By the end of the day not only had I pretty much forgotten about my problems I was feeling grateful and even happy. Seeing that you can make someone else smile has a profound effect. Looking back that may have been the beginning of my passion to serve and help others. Which was later brought to the forefront by my amazing friends Carmen and Alyssa. (More on them tomorrow.) The great thing about helping others is it really is one situation in life that is win/win. When you bring joy or just simply a smile to the heart of another person they obviously feel good, but seeing that reaction and knowing you played a part in it brings a joy like nothing I have ever experienced. you do not have to help at a meal program or a shelter to have this effect. Notice people who do not normally receive a lot of compliments. try giving them a sincere and kind word or maybe even just a smile and hello. When, at Christmas time, the post office becomes the personification of chaos I cannot begin to tell you how much the words “Thank you for your hard work during the holiday season” mean. Not to mention all the homemade cookies and candy! So perhaps a kind word to a busy cashier, or an extra tip for a busy waitress this weekend. You may not stay to see the results, but knowing you had a positive effect on a person’s day can make your day as well. So go ahead and be kind for selfish reasons. If we all were this world would be an amazing place!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 