CAN YOU FIND IT?

Here is a 30-day secret to an amazing life – find the beauty in everything. Some things this is easy to do. It could help you to start with those. Find the beauty in a sunrise or sunset. One of my favorites is finding beauty in different tropical  locations. The first week of this challenge, just do that. Find as many beautiful things in your life as you can.

The next week, try the people in your life. Just notice all of the beautiful people in your life. Remember that beauty is not always just skin deep. Some people have beautiful eyes, some people have beautiful souls. Bodies can be beautiful, but so is kindness. Notice how the people in your life are beautiful.

The third and fourth weeks are very similar. On the third week, ask yourself as often as you can, “What is beautiful about this situation?” As mentioned earlier, this should be easier for a sunrise than a root canal. If we look hard enough, we can find beauty in it all. If you can’t at the moment, just relax and let it go. You can even reassure yourself, “Although I cannot find the beauty in this situation at the moment, I’m sure it will occur to me at a later time.” Going to the dentist is not always a beautiful situation, but how much better it allows you to feel is.

Lastly, do the same with people. Ask yourself, “What is beautiful about this person?” When I do this with the woman  I love, it could take all day. In that case, ask yourself what you are finding beautiful about that person at the moment. This is easy when you are around people you care about, unless you are in the middle of a disagreement. In which case, it can be even more powerful to ask yourself what you find beautiful about them.

Again, this is far easier to do for some people than others. If there is a customer tearing into you for no good reason, it can be hard to find the beauty in that. Maybe it is just that they are helping you strengthen your patience or resilience? Often the beauty in things can only be seen in hindsight. Just like with situations, if you can’t find the beauty in a person, let it go and remind yourself it may occur to you later.

What is the purpose of all of this? The more we look for beauty, the more likely we are to find it. There is so much beauty in our lives that we miss much of it. Changing our focus to find it will make our lives more beautiful.

IT STARTED TODAY!

Oh to be young and invincible again. When I look back at my life and all of the crazy things I have done, I sure do regret a few. What many of you may not know, is the fact that I wrote an autobiography. In recalling a lot of the partying, physical stunts and sleep deprivation, I am beginning to understand some of the problems I have today.

Depending on what age you are when you read this, you are either nodding your head in agreement or thinking it can’t happen to you. Our life can be equated to one of those giant cruise ships that sail in the Caribbean. One day I’m hoping to be on one. They way in which one of those ships and our life is alike is how they change course. You can’t turn one of those ships on a dime. No, it takes time and a good deal of planning.

Our life is like that ship. We can change direction, but to turn it all around takes some time. It works in both the positive and the negative. We saw examples of the negative above. The same is true in the positive. You want a good body? It can start today, but it takes time. We can change the direction of our life today with the decisions we are making. Where will the decisions you are making take you in ten or fifteen years?

THE ANGEL ACROSS THE TABLE

Last post we talked about what it takes to be an angel among us. I want to touch a little on my own personal angel and in doing so, share some insight that occurred to me while enjoying this amazing lady. Above is a picture of my lovely Margie. We have been together for quite some time now. The other morning I was reminded how grateful I am to have such an angel in my life.

On this particular morning, Margie was telling me all of the work she had to do to prepare for the market that the bakery her and her daughter own will be at. Looking across the table I was struck by how beautiful she was. The way that she can be creative with the desserts she makes for the masses. The work she puts in to make it happen. Not to mention her actual physical beauty. Later that morning I was meeting my mother for coffee so I had to leave her.

As I got into the car, I was still thinking of the life I share with this wonderful lady. We really have survived a lot together. There has been financial struggles, death of those we care about, plus the pains and misunderstandings that come with two different people trying to live life together. It was that last thought that really got me thinking. How had we made it through all of the miscommunications and misunderstandings? How had the passionate disagreements not torn us apart?

It was the fact that we decided that our love and respect for each other was worth more that whatever was coming between us at the moment. We had learned that when trouble comes, we can lean on each other and not away from each other. The fact is we learned. In an age where everything from cars to computers are easier and cheaper to replace than repair, the same often happens with relationships. You may avoid the initial argument at the time, but unless you heal what leads to those situations, you are just bound to experience the same thing with a new person.

What makes Margie so special to me is not just her amazing smile and heart-warming hugs. No, it is the memory of seeing that smile after she had struggled. It is feeling that hug when I was struggling. It is the love that fought to continue when our egos may have encouraged us to leave. Learning to forgive and to compromise only serves to make love and life more beautiful. Is it easy? Not at all. That is what makes it so beautiful. I am so grateful that I have found someone to share my life with and will continue to work to ensure we will always have each other.

THE ANGEL IN THE COFFEE SHOP

The world can sure seem a crazy place these days. It would seem the news coming at us from every direction can be of wars, political division, or some other personal or global tragedy. Even conversations with friends can often include one, or several, of these. That is why it is so appreciated when someone comes into our lives and brings a little magic. These people are what I believe are angels.

Whether you believe in angels in the divine sense, or can just acknowledge that people who bring love and joy to others are a special group, there are angels among us. Every morning I can look across the table and see one. My lovely lady has brought more into my life than I can convey. More importantly, she has prevented a lot of bad things. We will touch more on that in tomorrow’s post. I want to share a story about a lady who blessed not only my mother’s day, but the day of everyone who happened to be with us at the coffee shop that day.

As I mentioned, my mother and I were enjoying time at the local coffee shop we both like. It had been quite some time since we got together due to unforeseen circumstances. We were both looking forward to some great conversation and a little relaxing time with a cup of coffee. As we were enjoying ourselves, in walked one of the workers, Dana. She was not working at the moment. Just came for a beverage herself. What she brought with her changed the day for everyone there. She had brought several roses and proceeded to give them to all of the ladies, workers and customers that were in the coffee shop that day.

When a stranger comes up and hands you a rose for no reason other than to brighten your day, it does just that. Not only did she put smiles on the faces of those who received the flowers, but everyone witnessing this act of selfless kindness. In a mad world, these random acts of kindness are angelic! Everyone left the coffee shop with a little more joy in their heart and a lot more smiles on their face. What prompted this young lady to be so kind? I am not sure, but I can tell you in improved the day for everyone present!

Here is the thing about Dana’s actions – it is something any of us could do. The actions themselves are made special by the fact that not many people have the thought or motivation to do such things. Here is the exciting part. We all can. That’s right! Dana reminded all of us that we can be angels in someone, or anyone’s life. You could bring in treats for your coworkers. You could make a donation to a charity you believe in. You could leave a larger than normal gratuity for a server that you know could use it.

With the holidays coming up, there will be plenty of opportunities to commit random acts of kindness. Something to keep in mind is that this is often the hardest time of the year for many. Your act of kindness may be the greatest gift given to someone. What is stopping us from being angels? A little selfless love for our fellow humans and a few random acts of kindness.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?

This great stoic quote speaks to a power many of us leave to chance. When was the last time you paid attention to your thoughts? Many people feel their thoughts are something that are thrust upon them. That they come out of nowhere.

Let us take it a step further. When was the last time you decided what you were going to think about? Yes, you really can do this. It can be very beneficial to set aside at the very least, 5 to 10 minutes a day to do some focused thinking. It can be thinking about what you are grateful for. This could change your life faster than you can imagine. It could be thinking about how it will feel when a goal is reached or accomplished.

We think an average of 60,000 thoughts a day. According to research 80% of that is negative. Further research indicates that 95% of our thoughts are repetitive! Think about that. We are thinking 95% of the same things, 80% of which are negative, and wondering why our life is not improving or changing.

By not utilizing focused thinking, I feel we are missing a great opportunity. Setting aside 5 minutes a day, which is less than .5% of your day, can make a huge difference. What if you used those minutes as a chance to practice some positive self-talk? How about picking someone we love and spending 5 minutes thinking about how we can improve our relationship with them? The difference could be life-changing!

Let me know what you will spend your 5 minutes thinking about.

THE SECRET TO BEING HAPPY  😊

We often make happiness some complex realm that takes years to get to. It is even a multi-billion dollar business. These three simple rules can supply you with more happiness than you can imagine. Can doing three things really bring you happiness? Let us look at them one at a time to find out how we can.

The first one is having zero expectations of others. This can be so helpful in any relationship from business to intimate. Expecting people to have the same standards and beliefs we have is not only foolish and unrealistic, it will lead to conflict and disappointment on our behalf. Everyone has experienced life differently. They have their own unique way of looking at the world. The best we can do is to kindly explain ours, and do the best to understand theirs. When we feel people have let us down, it would serve us a lot more to try to understand why verses condemn them. Communication and conveying standards is essential, but so is compassion and understanding.

The next is taking 100% responsibility for our own lives. Let me tell you how freeing this is. The more we place the blame for our circumstances in life on other people or things, the more we relinquish control of our life to those very people or things. If it is your boss’s fault you are having a bad day, than it is your boss who would have to change that. If the person in the blue car who drove across 2 lanes of traffic to turn in front of you (actually happened to me on the way to write this) made you mad, than they have the power to control your emotions. The more responsible for your life and your emotions you are, the more control of them you have. Would you not want control of your own life? If you need help on this, I would recommend the book, Extreme Ownership, by Jocko Willink.

The last is being grateful. If you have read anything that I have wrote, you know that I cannot encourage people to be grateful enough. Gratitude really does change your life faster than anything else I know. Look at the picture above and the multitude of things in life we have to be grateful for. The list is really never ending. Even when life seems negative, gratitude is the other side of coin. Take the worst situation in life – losing someone you love. When we are sad thinking about the loss, we can help ease our pain a little by feeling grateful for the opportunity to know and love them. Will it erase the pain entirely? Of course not, nothing will. What it will do is give us another perspective. You would not miss someone so much if you did not love them a great deal. Loving someone and being able to share a portion of life with them, no matter how great or small, is something to be grateful for.

Here is a secret. The more you occupy your mind and heart with gratitude, the less you leave room for negative emotions. If you are keeping score at home, that means more positive emotions and less negative emotions. That is a win/win situation and one that will lead to a happier life.

As you can see, happiness really can be had by utilizing these three methods. It will take some time and practice, but it can be done. The more you work on making these three things a part of your life, the more happy it will become.

COMING IN FROM THE COLD 🥶

Last post we discussed the seeds of division being sown by those in power. Many people have found themselves attached to a group they joined with the noblest intentions, only to find that group is now propagating hate, division and even violence against others. The sad part is they are sticking with that group because in a world that seems so polarized, it has become a part of their identity. They fear if they now agree that the group they belong to has gone too far, it will negatively reflect on them. It is up to those of us who do not belong to that group of hate to assure them that they do not have to remain part of such a cult. By stepping away they will not let anyone down. It is the group they supported that have let them, and so many others down. They have done so by spouting lies, twisting facts and doing their best to pit neighbor against neighbor. They do this to make it easier to control those in the group.

I would like you to read and ponder the poem above that was written during world war two. In today’s political climate, you could be in a group that is being persecuted. By pointing your fingers at your neighbors and blaming them for all of the world’s ills, you may have nobody left to support you should you ever be the victim of hate. Those neighbors could be in your neighborhood, or on the other side of the globe. Understand it is not your neighbors that are the problem. It is the leaders your neighbors are following. They are looking to distract you with hate and division in order to fulfill their agenda.

Think of this example with the ants. Then ask yourself, who is shaking the jar that has caused my own prejudice? What is their benefit for having me hate my fellow human? Do you get to know people without asking their beliefs? Even if your reason for hate is something as shallow as how someone looks, have you ever given yourself the chance to get to know them before judging them? The amount of things that we can learn and benefit from each other that we would lose if we fail put our hate aside is not only a shame, it is a disgrace. When we subscribe to these artificial reasons for hate and division, we have become pawns and puppets for those seeking to control our mind and way of thinking.

This was brought to my attention listening to the song Coming in from the cold, by Bob Marley. That is where the lyrics above come from. It can be the system that makes us hate our brothers (and sisters). It can, as the lyrics states, even make us kill them. This we have unfortunately seen far too much of lately. Political violence is not only a tragedy, it is asinine. You are committing a crime, and ending a life, for someone who not only does not know who you are, but could care less who you are. That person, though they may differ from you in beliefs or culture, often share the same struggles. They are trying to raise a family. They are trying to afford food, shelter and other needs. Whether you are committing a violent act, or simply filling your heart with hate, you have become a victim of the system.

It is only through working together, as human brothers and sisters, that we can solve any problem. It is through compassion, compromise, and understanding that we can coexist. This may sound like a fairytale in today’s world. That is what some would like you to believe. It is not that far away, and it must start with each and every one of us. Learn to accept someone’s differences. Learn to be a good neighbor. Learn to show compassion. Learn to compromise. Learn to understand instead of judge. When we do so, we are coming in from the cold and we can put those that seek to divide us out in the cold where they belong.

IT CAN STILL HAPPEN!

Look at the two gentleman in this photo. One is myself, one is my good friend Montell. Ok, there is also a guy unwillingly photobombing in the back, but let us focus on the two up front. Montell is wearing a Chicago Cubs baseball team hat. I am wearing a Milwaukee Brewers jersey. As this post is published, they are playing against each other in the baseball playoffs. It is a great team rivalry. I am also wearing a Green Bay Packers hat. The local football team. Montell is a big fan of their rival, the Chicago Bears. We are of different nationalities and have different skin colors. If I were to think a little harder, I am sure there are other differences that could be pointed out between us.

Why am I pointing out these obvious facts? Let me answer that by sharing one more fact with you. If you were to ask me to tell you about Montell, what would follow might take a while. None of it would consist of what I told you in the paragraph above. What I would tell you is that he is an amazing father, a great husband to his wife Tanya, a great friend, a compassionate understanding fellow to strangers he meets and one charismatic and talented entertainment with the microphone in his hand. There are more great things I could tell you, but I will just conclude by telling you that he is someone I hold in high regard.

I also forgot to mention that we drink the same kind of beer. It so impresses people that it is now the number one selling beer in the country. The second part of that statement is true, not sure if it has anything to do with Montell and me, other than our purchases of it. What is the point of the fact that I hold someone who shares so many differences with me, some like the sports teams could be opposite, in such high regard? It is the fact that it is possible. Those in political power would have us believe that Montell and I should not like each other. At the very least, that I should not hold him in such high regard. This has to be one of the stupidest trains of thought.

You might want to sit down because I am about to tell you something that just might blow your mind. Two people can have different, often conflicting, beliefs and opinions and still respect each other and hold each other in high regard. This should not be news worthy. With the demonization of political rivals, people of different races or that come from different places, we seem to be regressing. This was a popular sentiment in 1930’s Germany. It did not end well. It is up to us to not fall for such ‘black or white’ ‘us verses them’ mentality. There is a great truth in the cliche of “Divide and conquer.” By turning us against each other, we are easier to control and manipulate. If you find yourself a part of such a group, or following a person who actively promotes hating someone different than you, work to get out of it. We will touch on how to do that a little more in tomorrow’s post.

When I think what a great friend and person in Montell that I would have lost out in knowing, I can’t help but pity those who fall for such division. Yes, I did say “fall for”. You cannot lump all people of a certain category, whether that is race or astrological sign, together. Each person is an individual and has their own story and set of experiences. My grandfather used to tell me, if you hate someone, you just do not know enough about them. You will never convince me to hate an entire group of people. Not only am I not foolish enough to believe that an entire group of people have no good people in them. Nor am I foolish enough to believe that someone is less than, or that I have to hate them simply because they belong to a different political party, have a different color of skin or are different than me in any other way. I encourage you to come back tomorrow to learn more about reclaiming a peaceful and loving world.

THE CORRECT WAY TO APPROACH RISK

Risk is not always a bad thing. It gives or life that spark. Keeps things interesting. It should be done responsibly. Risking your house on the outcome of a sporting contest you have no control over would not be a good risk to take. Done correctly, risk gives us a lot more than we think.

Far too many of us live in fear of risk. We shy away from any chance of failure. We live what we consider a ‘safe’ life. We never ask that person we really like out. We never apply for that job that we would love. We are alive, but is it a life worth living?

The secret to getting over that fear is in the quote above. “You either win or learn.” You ask that person out and they decline. You can ask them politely why. Maybe there is something you could improve on? Maybe they are shallow and you are better off learning that right away? Apply for the job. If you do not get it, you can learn what you need to set yourself up for success next time.

Learn and move along! That’s how you win at life!

THE VOICES IN YOUR HEAD AREN’T YOURS

How many times have you caught yourself discouraging yourself? Saying things like, “You can’t do it.” Or “It will never work.” Have you ever beat yourself up? I’m sure we all have. Telling ourselves we are stupid, useless or some other less than empowering adjective.

Where do all these voices come from? Yes, the simple answer is ‘from inside or head’. How did they get there in the first place? They are all memories from others who have discouraged us in our past, yet they are still running our lives today! Would you really want that bully from high school or your ex making decisions for you today? How about your parents who grew up with voices of their own?

Think of these as recordings that play on loop in our head. It is time to hit ‘pause’, or better yet, ‘stop’ on these recordings. How do we do that? First catch yourself when you are using this negative self-talk. Then ask yourself, “Where did this thought come from and am I going to let it make decisions for me?” Then tell yourself the opposite. “This could work and I’m going to at least give it a shot.” Or “I might have made a stupid decision, but I sure am not stupid.”

From today forward, make sure the only voice in your head is your own and make sure it is making your life better!