This post comes to you on a Monday. This can be one of the toughest days of the week for many. In actuality, every day should be a challenge. Why? We should be challenging ourselves. This idea of never ending improvement is a good one. We can always be healthier, smarter and most importantly, kinder. Tony Robbins has a term he uses called ‘C.A.N.I.’ standing for “Constant and never-ending improvement”. Many of us are living life focused on a achieving or obtaining a certain goal. That is all well and good, but then what?
Whether you are 18 or 80, we should be working to be the best version of ourselves. It not only helps in our relationships with others, but with the world at large. The better version of ourselves we become, the more we can enjoy the world around us. Ask yourself how you can improve today. Even if it is just one percent.
It is Sunday, so we will not have you read too much. Plus, the picture above pretty much says it all. We do not need a specific belief or dogma to be good people. We need to simply live with compassion and a respect for other’s human dignity. I would extend that to other living things as well, but that is a subject for a different post. That is not to say you should not follow a faith. If you have one that helps foster these basic characteristics, that is fabulous! If someone else has a different faith that helps then foster these same traits, that is fabulous too!
I think as humans we have a tendency to over complicate things. This includes our faiths. We also seem to like conflict. If someone has different dogma or rituals than us, but that person is a good human, that’s great! We should not care if they worship in a different way or on a different day. The question we need to know is, “Are you a good human?” If the answer is yes, the rest is really none of our business. Treat others how you wish to be treated. Even if they don’t do the same.
Here is a fresh reminder to do your best to keep things in perspective. We often suffer dreading an upcoming event long before the event occurs. This only extends the time we spent in suffering. This may seem like something only a fool would do. To that end, I would like to ask you if you can recall the days leading up to your last dental appointment? How about your last proctology exam? Hopefully they were two different doctors. We can get ourselves all worked up, and end up have a nearly painless experience. Then again, it may not be painless, but what has worrying and suffering before the experience done other than to serve us up an additional helping of suffering?
Instead, I would encourage you to focus on the best possible outcomes of any situation. Not only will this help reduce the stress before hand, but may also help manifest a better outcome. You can always focus on the long-term result. Such as the dentist. It may hurt in the short term, but you will end up feeling better, and usually looking better, in the long term.
Do not suffer the needless in your mind. Focus on both the long-term results as well as the best possible outcome. This is one of many ways to reduce stress in our lives.
On the surface, this seems like a no brainer. Yet, how easy is this to understand in the heat of the moment? When a customer is screaming at us for giving them the wrong flavor coffee. When are coworker snaps at us for no particular reason. When our spouse seems to be angry with every little thing we do. It is very difficult to pause and ask ourselves, “What are they hurting from?” It is true that only hurt people, hurt people. Considering this, anyone who hurts us is probably struggling with something themselves.
The first step would be to honestly ask ourselves if we had played any role in why they might be currently treating us harshly. If so, we should apologize and follow that with some sort of corrective action. If not, consider that they may be hurting inside and for some reason be emotionally ignorant on how to constructively express themselves. This certainly does not excuse their behavior, but it may help us approach it with a little more compassion.
Why should we even care that they are struggling, when they may be doing their best to put us in the same state? Understanding this will allow us to take their actions a lot less personally. This means we will feel less stressed and hurt. This can only be a good thing for us.
Another time to remember that we all struggle is when we are tempted to treat someone harshly. The classic example of someone cutting us off in traffic comes to mind. They may have been distracted, lost or just a jerk. What they also be is dealing with the loss of a loved one, a serious negative medical diagnosis, or a million other versions of suffering. Our negative reaction to their seemingly careless action could be the one to put them over the edge. I can’t count the times I have been lost in emotion and may not have been paying close enough attention to whatever it is I am doing. Someone acting harshly towards me at that moment would probably be the least helpful thing that could happen.
One of the best examples I can recall comes from the author, Stephen Covey. He was on a subway, and there was a father who seemed to be letting his children run wild without a care in the world. Finally, unable to take it anymore, Stephen said to the man, “Don’t you think you should do something about your children?” At this moment, I am sure he was feeling frustrated, angry, and perhaps some other unpleasant emotions. We would think rightfully so. The man looked at him with a hollow expression and replied, “You are right. Their mother just passed away, and they are not really sure how to act. In fact, neither am I.” What do you think Stephen felt then? The point is, none of us know what pains someone may be suffering. Be kind. It is always the right decision. Click the link below to check out my podcast, or just search “Living the Dream with Neil Panosian” on your favorite streaming platforms.
I love Marilyn Monroe. One of my favorite Hollywood icons. Margie and I have many Marilyn things at our house. This quote, although an exaggeration I am sure, makes a good point. How many of us have a hard time letting go of anger and frustration?When I use the term ‘us’ I am certainly including myself. When someone does something to upset me, I have a hard time letting it go. This is even more true if I do not understand why they did it in the first place. This is a character flaw I am working on, but still working on. Finding myself hours later asking, “Why would someone say/do something so hurtful?” is not only frustrating, but debilitating.
What I mean is that holding on to anger only extends the physical, mental and emotional discomfort after the original event has passed. This is like letting that person hurting you over and over again. It can also cause you increased blood pressure, upset stomach and suppressed immune system. This can lead to things like heart issues, ulcers and other illness. Is that really worth pondering why some fool cut you off in traffic? I would guess not.
One of the best ways not to have this issue is to take the suggestion of Marilyn above and try to avoid getting upset in the first place. There are several ways to do this including the realization the we can never be 100% sure of anyone’s intention. It also includes attaching new meanings to actions that offend and upset us. The most powerful way to beat anger is with gratitude. Being grateful will not allow us to be angry, at least not at the very moment we are being grateful. Whatever you do, work on reducing the amount of time you spend in anger.
I’m all of our lives, no matter how trying, there is always something to smile about. There are so many beautiful things that surround us every day that we take them for granted. Today, take a moment and discover the beauty, discover something to smile about. What is yours?
Preparation, dedication and discomfort. Those are three words not many of us like to hear much less apply. Opportunity, success and growth sound a lot better. Yet, the first is the price of the second. We do not like going to the gym, but we like to be able to make it up a flight of stairs without employing a host of sherpas. We would much rather eat pizza everyday, but it is nice to be able to fit in our clothes. We find it uncomfortable to meet strangers, but we love making new friends. One has to happen in order for the other to take place. The more we do the former, the more we receive the latter.
Understanding this simple formula will not only allow us a greater measure of success, but will also help us make it through a greater deal of challenges along the way. When you are hyperventilating on the treadmill and your mind and body are screaming for you to stop, you know eventually this will lead to a stronger heart and more energy on the back end. When you are tempted to quit hitting the books, and start hitting the clubs, remember the formula. One action gives you a diploma to hang. The other course of action leaves you with nothing more than a hangover.
In life, there are rules that if we use them, will help us to live an amazing life. Knowing the harder we work, the more successful we will become is not only an important thing, it is the only thing. The more you prepare, the better you can take advantage of opportunities. The harder you work, the more successful you will become. Sure, it may not happen as soon as you want, but it must happen. You can rest peacefully in the knowledge that your labors will lead to success. It is as simple as this formula.
This is one of the many thought patterns that I use to help me live an amazing life. Allowing situations to be what they are is so key to reducing stress and increasing productivity. So many people spend their energy upset and complaining about why a situation is not to their liking. The only effect that this has is to raise their own stress level. We all know what a prolonged raise in stress can do to us both mentally as well as physically.
Allowing situations to be as they are does not mean you allow yourself to be victim to those situations. Quite the opposite. Fighting against the reality of the situation is like swimming against a current. You may certainly wish the river was flowing in the opposite direction. You can even complain that it is not. Neither of these will change the situation of the river, or more importantly, your situation. Conversely, accepting the river is going in the opposite direction you may want to go, and then making the best of it, may be getting out of the river and walking on the shore. Sure, it might not be as quick as if you were in a river flowing in the right direction, but it will be a lot less stressful, and a lot more productive, than swimming against the current.
In your own life, there are many situations that we wish were different. Accepting them for what they are, followed by asking ourselves how we can make the best of them is a secret to an amazing life.
My lovely lady is planning a date to take me on. I have not a clue as to what it might be. As you are reading this, it will have already occurred and I am sure I will be inspired to write some wonderful thing about it. Here is what the date has already inspired – the importance of being a good listener. The quote from Mr. Hemingway above gives us a clue as to how to become a great listener. Being present is such an important aspect of listening. Do not busy yourself formulating a reply while the person is still conveying what they have to say. Not only is this very poor manners, you will miss a good deal of valuable information.
My lady and I have a saying we use. Listen to learn and understand and not to reply. In doing so, we not only help solve conflicts better, we learn how to bring each other a greater amount of joy. If you remain present and listen to learn, you will discover things about your partner that you would never learn if you didn’t People will convey what they like and dislike. They will tell you things that make their hearts happy and things that make their heart break. You will be able to buy gifts you are sure your partner will love.
This tip works not just for romantic relationships, but any interaction between two parties. Listening to understand will allow you to proceed with more information and do so in a more intelligent manner. This can be a difference in saving a friendship, working relationship, or romantic relationship. When it comes to the relationship itself, the right kind of listening can be a matter of life or death…of the relationship that is.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 