A few posts ago, we wrote about how important it was to get out of abusive relationships. The same can be said about a job situation that is slowly killing your soul or any other harmful situation. Although these are logical steps to living and amazing life, they are far from easy ones. Relationships can be very difficult to get out of. Shared economics, promises of people changing, family and religious expectations can make things difficult. That job may give us a false sense of economic security.
As the picture above tells us, just to attempt such things takes a great deal of bravery. If we let our boss talk us into staying a little longer while we keep our eyes open for another opportunity, that is understandable. Do we give that person we know won’t change another chance? That’s up to us, but we must consider our own well-being. These things may take several attempts to accomplish before we can finally follow through. Do not beat yourself up if you fail on your first attempt. The fact that you are endeavoring to better your life takes a lot of guts.
Whether it is giving up unhealthy eating, smoking or an abusive partner, it may take time and several attempts, but each one is an act of courage and a chance to learn something new about ourselves and our situation. Even if you stumble, do not beat yourself up, and certainly do not give up! You are brave for even trying.
The world can sure seem like a tough place these days. I say seem for a very important reason we will get to in just a little bit. Negative news seems to come at us from every corner. It is delivered on our phones, our laptops, the evening news and even at work in conversations with coworkers. In this country there is an election looming so I am sure we will all hear about how terrible the world is and how much worse it will get if we don’t vote for a specific candidate. It doesn’t even matter the party, the message is pretty much the same.
All of this can be pretty overwhelming. Even those of us who do our best to stay away from such things often can’t help but be subjected to them. It can leave you feeling a little less than hopeful about not only your life, but the state of the world in general. There are a few things to keep in mind, and two specific things you can do, to keep this from happening. At the very least, you will have it happen less often and it the feelings of despair will not last as long.
The first thing to keep in mind is that things are never as bad as you are lead to believe. Fear is what sells. Think of AI for example. Yes, there are many scary things that can be attached to it, but there are also miracles waiting to develop from it as well. Think of what it will mean to the world of medicine and the treatment of disease. We will be able to develop treatments and cures far quicker than we have ever been able to before. Technology has made personal communication more difficult, but it has also helped people stay in touch and find each other. Change is always a double edged sword. Knowing that there are both good and bad in everything will help balance things out. Knowing that you may be one of the few people thinking this way will also help put things in perspective. Most people who converse with you will just be repeating what they hear. This is often the fear and negativity we just mentioned.
What can you do when you are exposed to all of this? The answer is what kick-started this blog. The first thing you can do is to make sure you have enough positive influences around you. Here is a hint – you can never have enough. Subscribe to funny or inspiring pages on your social media. Subscribe to a wonderful daily motivational blog, such as secret2anamazinglife.com. That way you will be sure that each day motivation will come to you. There are free motivational apps for your phone. Make yourself a ‘happy playlist’ of songs that lift your spirits. Make sure to spend time with people who do the same.
Here is a lesson that I learned that caused me to start this blog in the first place. That is that you can either be part of the problem by complaining about how rotten the world is, or you can be part of the solution by making it better. The negativity of the world frustrated me, and still does on occasion. When it seems that the level of negativity seems to be growing out of control, I use that as motivation to increase the amount of positivity I bring to the world. If I am feeling this way, I imagine many others are feeling the same, if not worse. If my words and actions can make their life a little brighter, perhaps it will start a ripple and I will be doing my part to make the world a better place as a whole.
To recap, if you want to keep the world from bringing you down, make sure you have enough positive influences and become part of the solution. Bob Marley referred to complaints as ‘prayers to the devil’. I have to agree with Bob on this one. Sitting and complaining without acting only makes the situation worse. Ask yourself what you can do to help change things for the better. If you can’t come up with anything, go help someone else while you are thinking about it. I promise you will make the world better for two people if you do.
No, this is not an article about how to have brief romantic encounters. Although, now that I think about it, this formula might work for that as well. No, this is the answer to why some people seem to have things seem to fall in place for them, while others seem to struggle even when good fortune smiles upon them. If you wish to create more good luck in your life, the secret is to really work harder. The harder you work, the luckier you will be. The opposite holds true as well. If we do not work to prepare ourselves for good fortune, when it arrives it will do us no good. Imagine being gifted your dream car, but you can’t drive it because you never got around to renewing your license. I can use this example because I just remembered to do that. How about being offered that dream job, but not being equipped to do a great job at it? (For those of you looking for a talk show host, I have been practicing)
The above quote speaks to what we have been talking about. Briefly touching on ‘getting lucky’, can you imagine running into the person of your dreams but your life is such a dumpster fire they want nothing to do with you? In my life, I have been fortunate to have a partner that is willing to learn and grow with me. I suggest that you prepare for all of the good fortune you desire so that when it does come, you can make the most of it. Want to be a famous singer? Start practicing now so that when you are offered a recording contract you do not sound like a cat stuck in a lawnmower. Want to ‘get lucky’ with that special person? Start learning how to be a respectful, charming and healthy partner now! That way when they do come along you can sweep them off their feet.
The harder we work, the easier life becomes. The less effort we put in, the harder life will be. You want to be lucky? Get to work.
Here is a word that I would like to put in all of our vocabularies. The ability to embrace things about us that are not perfect, especially in today’s world, can be quite difficult. To do so and still be able to understand that we are still beautiful, wonderful and amazing people can be next to impossible. One thing that may make that easier is having a word to describe just that. “Flawsome” is something we should all be. We all have flaws, yet we are all rock stars at something too.
Flaws are not always the curse we see them as. When viewed by others, flaws can make us relatable. Often, having flaws gives us credibility. How much would you trust someone who tells you they are perfect at everything? I know I wouldn’t. When you own your flaws, and understand they do not make you less of a person, you make it more difficult for others to use them against you.
If there are two things I know about the people I love in my life, it is the fact they have flaws, and they are still totally awesome! Those two facts hold true about you as well. Do not let things about you that need improvement convince you that you are anything less than the beautiful soul you are. You, me, and the rest of the world are all “Flawsome”.
How many of us have people in our lives that continue to let us down and put us in awkward situations? How many of us have people who do this over and over again? It can be hard to make the decision to cut someone off from our life. If we keep these people around us, it is like gripping a hot coal and complaining about it burning us. If we were to just let it go it would cease to burn us and we could begin our healing.
That is not to say that every time there is a misunderstanding or falling out between two parties that it is time to walk away. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has bad days. You have had them. I have had them. If there is someone who repeatedly hurts us and we keep inviting them back into our life, it is us to blame, not them. If someone stabs you in the back, it would be good to keep knives away from them. This is a lot of metaphors, but they all say the same thing, people who have no regard to you or your feelings should be shown the door.
Be on the lookout for circuses that you attend in your own life. If you find yourself routinely complaining about how someone treats you, ask yourself why they are still in your life. Yes, it is hard to cut someone off. That is a one-time hurt. What is worse is to keep someone in your life that hurts you over and over again. You are worth much more than that.
One of the most interesting things in my life has been regret. This emotion is certainly a tricky one. It can paralyze us. How many of us beat ourselves up over actions we took long ago that we can’t undo. I know I still do on occasion. I used to tell people that this was foolish. However, much like everything in life, I asked myself how I could use this feeling. The worse I felt, the more powerful the feeling was. That, in itself, was the answer. It was a very powerful emotion, albeit a negative one. How could I, and more to the point you, use this situation to our advantage?
Regret is one of the worst emotions. At funerals it even surpasses loss. Wishing you would have, or should have done or said this or that can torment you for the rest of your life. Here is what I have learned about regret – it can be something to be grateful for. This may sound crazy, but let me explain. In my own life there have been so many regrets. I think about the way I acted and treated certain people. Many of those words and actions cannot be undone. What those terrible feelings can do is drive me to treat everyone the best I can moving forward. I regret not taking better care of myself, but those feelings can help me focus on my physical and mental health moving forward.
A lot of people will tell you that you should get over regret. I am going to tell you to use it. Whenever those feelings crop up, find a way to do the opposite. Regret not telling someone you love them before they passed away? Reach out to a friend that is in your life currently and let them know how much you care. The best way to deal with regret is to put it to work for you creating an amazing life.
Next to gratitude, which we discussed last post, clarity in one of the most powerful forces to improve your life. When you are clear as to where you want to go in life, you can always tell if you are getting closer or further away. Not sure of where you want to go in life? That can leave you feeling confused and that your life has no direction. I don’t know if you have ever felt that way, but I have and it is not any fun. How crazy is it to be unsure if your life is getting better or worse?
A clear purpose for your life actually reduces stress. Why? It can help you to better design the next steps and actions to take. Goals become easier to reach because they are attached to a bigger life purpose. Here is an important distinction. Goals and life purpose are two entirely different things. When we talk about life purpose, we are speaking of legacy. Why are you here? How do you want to be remembered when you are gone? How can you make the world a better place while you are here? These are the important questions to ask while you are here. They will give you the clarity you seek. Your life purpose is not something you can finish. Say you are a chef. Your purpose may be to supply the world with delicious food that brings smiles to people’s faces and joy to their stomachs. You will continue to do that with every meal you create, every cookbook you write or every cooking video you post. Maybe you are a future best-selling author who wants to bring joy to the hearts of millions. You will continue to do so with every book you write, every blog you post or every podcast episode you appear on.
As mentioned earlier, this also helps you come up with goals to accomplish. If you are a chef, maybe creating a cookbook would let people try creating your amazing recipes at home. If you make cooking videos, it will help them feel like you are in the kitchen with them. As long as you know it will help with your life mission to bring joy to the world through food. Gain clarity in your own life. It will bring you joy. It will bring the world joy.
This is one of those things that can be all too easily dismissed on the surface. It is so powerful, I do not want you to miss it. Not only is this an over-arching formula to live an amazing life, but it can be broken down to increase your joy and satisfaction in any aspect of your life. We constantly discuss the power of gratitude on this site, but it deserves another look. In fact, it is so powerful that every time you are feeling down, you should give it another look.
How easy it is to focus on what we lack. Society seems to have pushed this narrative. You always should want more. While it is true that you should always want more out of yourself and your life, in terms of bettering them, it should not be at the expense of appreciating what you have. Why is this so important? Forget the law of attraction, forget the spiritual reasons, let us look at this practically today. There are many important reasons that fit into the two previous mentioned categories, I assure you. Today, we are just going to look at how this impacts our everyday world and why it could be so powerful.
Let us begin by asking a question, “How does it feel when you stop and think about everything you want but do not have? Feel free to take a pause from reading this and try it for yourself. If you do not want to take the time to do that, I will let you in on a not-so-secret, it feels terrible. You feel poor. You feel like your life is not complete. You feel like you need more. Businesses like you to feel this way. It keeps you as a passionate consumer. That is why many commercials and ads give you the feeling that your life would not be complete without product x or y. That is nothing but nonsense.
Now let us flip the script here. How does it feel when you focus on everything you are fortunate enough to have in life, even though it may not be exactly what you want? Your car may not be that Bugatti you want, but you have a vehicle that gets you from point A to Point B. You may not be working in your dream job, but you have a way to make income and pay the bills. In the 1930s, this would have been a dream for many. Your relationship can be a great source of anger or frustration at times. Still, you must realize that is because you have someone you love and care for so deeply that they can affect your emotions in such a powerful way. When you focus on all you have, you start to feel prosperous and blessed. There is no greater feeling in the world. Here is the awesome part – no matter what shape your life is in, you can use this formula. There is always, and I mean always, something to be grateful for.
If you are still having problems getting into a state of gratitude, try looking at some of those who would give anything to trade places with you. Boss stressing you out? Talk to someone who is desperately trying to find a job. Your house seems to be experiencing one issue after another? Walk through a homeless camp. In today’s world we still have issues of war, famine and genocide. Trust me when I tell you that our lives are not that bad.
As you look to improve yourself and your lot in life, remember to focus on all that you already have. Having a heart filled with gratitude will decrease your stress and increase your joy quicker and more powerfully than anything else I know.
A few posts back we spoke about the dangers of letting comfort become an addiction. Many of you were asking, “Why seek discomfort?” This is a fair question. Why spend your life pushing and pursuing the difficult path. For one, it leads to greater destinations. The steeper the climb, the better the view. If you wish to become truly great in any field, there will be lots of work and sacrifice. Nobody has ever grown to greatness sitting on the couch.
Another reason is put forth to us in the quote above by the great Martin Luther King Jr. It is challenging times that give us the best opportunity to show our true character. In this quote he uses the term ‘man’ but it holds equally true no matter the gender. Challenges provide us an opportunity to stand up for others and for our principles. It is easy to stand up for what is right in a room full of people who agree with us. Will we still be willing to stand up for what we feel is right when it is unpopular? When it is difficult?
More important that the opportunity to prove ourselves to others, is the chance to prove ourselves to…well…ourselves. Will you still make it to the gym after a hard day at the office? (hint, that is the day it might be most beneficial) Will you still be able to be kind to others when your life is going through a rough patch? These are things that you can only find out for sure during the dark times.
Challenging times are never fun, and life can often seem too full of them. Still, they can provide opportunities that just cannot be found when life is easy. Next time a challenge comes into your life, ask yourself how you can put it to use for you. Before long you will become just as grateful for the challenges as you are for the good fortune.
Today in the United States, we celebrate this country’s independence. Our wonderful friends across the pond in England, I imagine not so much. Today’s post is about something a little more personal. Something that we should all be looking to celebrate – personal independence.
In the world we live in, there are far too many people doing things for social media likes, click bait and to strive for their 15 minutes of fame. Here is what many of them fail to realize. If you are doing something for the approval or attention of others, you have become indebted to them. They rule you. Of course we do not want to look at it that way. This does not stop it from being true. What we need are individuals who are brave enough to declare their own independence. Free from the opinions of people on social media. Free from the approval of the masses.
Few things are more painful than when you hear about a young person doing something because they wanted to be cool. Most of the time these things are dangerous, harmful to others or just stupid. All because they did not have the independence to do what they knew was the right and honorable thing to do.
Today, let us declare our independence. Let us do what we know is right and not what will get us likes. You cannot be truly free until you are free from the concerns of the opinions of others. We must be free to take the actions that will allow us to become the best versions of ourselves, even if they prove to be unpopular. There may not be fireworks or a parade, but personal independence is something worth celebrating.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 