This great stoic quote speaks to a power many of us leave to chance. When was the last time you paid attention to your thoughts? Many people feel their thoughts are something that are thrust upon them. That they come out of nowhere.
Let us take it a step further. When was the last time you decided what you were going to think about? Yes, you really can do this. It can be very beneficial to set aside at the very least, 5 to 10 minutes a day to do some focused thinking. It can be thinking about what you are grateful for. This could change your life faster than you can imagine. It could be thinking about how it will feel when a goal is reached or accomplished.
We think an average of 60,000 thoughts a day. According to research 80% of that is negative. Further research indicates that 95% of our thoughts are repetitive! Think about that. We are thinking 95% of the same things, 80% of which are negative, and wondering why our life is not improving or changing.
By not utilizing focused thinking, I feel we are missing a great opportunity. Setting aside 5 minutes a day, which is less than .5% of your day, can make a huge difference. What if you used those minutes as a chance to practice some positive self-talk? How about picking someone we love and spending 5 minutes thinking about how we can improve our relationship with them? The difference could be life-changing!
Let me know what you will spend your 5 minutes thinking about.
We often make happiness some complex realm that takes years to get to. It is even a multi-billion dollar business. These three simple rules can supply you with more happiness than you can imagine. Can doing three things really bring you happiness? Let us look at them one at a time to find out how we can.
The first one is having zero expectations of others. This can be so helpful in any relationship from business to intimate. Expecting people to have the same standards and beliefs we have is not only foolish and unrealistic, it will lead to conflict and disappointment on our behalf. Everyone has experienced life differently. They have their own unique way of looking at the world. The best we can do is to kindly explain ours, and do the best to understand theirs. When we feel people have let us down, it would serve us a lot more to try to understand why verses condemn them. Communication and conveying standards is essential, but so is compassion and understanding.
The next is taking 100% responsibility for our own lives. Let me tell you how freeing this is. The more we place the blame for our circumstances in life on other people or things, the more we relinquish control of our life to those very people or things. If it is your boss’s fault you are having a bad day, than it is your boss who would have to change that. If the person in the blue car who drove across 2 lanes of traffic to turn in front of you (actually happened to me on the way to write this) made you mad, than they have the power to control your emotions. The more responsible for your life and your emotions you are, the more control of them you have. Would you not want control of your own life? If you need help on this, I would recommend the book, Extreme Ownership, by Jocko Willink.
The last is being grateful. If you have read anything that I have wrote, you know that I cannot encourage people to be grateful enough. Gratitude really does change your life faster than anything else I know. Look at the picture above and the multitude of things in life we have to be grateful for. The list is really never ending. Even when life seems negative, gratitude is the other side of coin. Take the worst situation in life – losing someone you love. When we are sad thinking about the loss, we can help ease our pain a little by feeling grateful for the opportunity to know and love them. Will it erase the pain entirely? Of course not, nothing will. What it will do is give us another perspective. You would not miss someone so much if you did not love them a great deal. Loving someone and being able to share a portion of life with them, no matter how great or small, is something to be grateful for.
Here is a secret. The more you occupy your mind and heart with gratitude, the less you leave room for negative emotions. If you are keeping score at home, that means more positive emotions and less negative emotions. That is a win/win situation and one that will lead to a happier life.
As you can see, happiness really can be had by utilizing these three methods. It will take some time and practice, but it can be done. The more you work on making these three things a part of your life, the more happy it will become.
Last post we discussed the seeds of division being sown by those in power. Many people have found themselves attached to a group they joined with the noblest intentions, only to find that group is now propagating hate, division and even violence against others. The sad part is they are sticking with that group because in a world that seems so polarized, it has become a part of their identity. They fear if they now agree that the group they belong to has gone too far, it will negatively reflect on them. It is up to those of us who do not belong to that group of hate to assure them that they do not have to remain part of such a cult. By stepping away they will not let anyone down. It is the group they supported that have let them, and so many others down. They have done so by spouting lies, twisting facts and doing their best to pit neighbor against neighbor. They do this to make it easier to control those in the group.
I would like you to read and ponder the poem above that was written during world war two. In today’s political climate, you could be in a group that is being persecuted. By pointing your fingers at your neighbors and blaming them for all of the world’s ills, you may have nobody left to support you should you ever be the victim of hate. Those neighbors could be in your neighborhood, or on the other side of the globe. Understand it is not your neighbors that are the problem. It is the leaders your neighbors are following. They are looking to distract you with hate and division in order to fulfill their agenda.
Think of this example with the ants. Then ask yourself, who is shaking the jar that has caused my own prejudice? What is their benefit for having me hate my fellow human? Do you get to know people without asking their beliefs? Even if your reason for hate is something as shallow as how someone looks, have you ever given yourself the chance to get to know them before judging them? The amount of things that we can learn and benefit from each other that we would lose if we fail put our hate aside is not only a shame, it is a disgrace. When we subscribe to these artificial reasons for hate and division, we have become pawns and puppets for those seeking to control our mind and way of thinking.
This was brought to my attention listening to the song Coming in from the cold, by Bob Marley. That is where the lyrics above come from. It can be the system that makes us hate our brothers (and sisters). It can, as the lyrics states, even make us kill them. This we have unfortunately seen far too much of lately. Political violence is not only a tragedy, it is asinine. You are committing a crime, and ending a life, for someone who not only does not know who you are, but could care less who you are. That person, though they may differ from you in beliefs or culture, often share the same struggles. They are trying to raise a family. They are trying to afford food, shelter and other needs. Whether you are committing a violent act, or simply filling your heart with hate, you have become a victim of the system.
It is only through working together, as human brothers and sisters, that we can solve any problem. It is through compassion, compromise, and understanding that we can coexist. This may sound like a fairytale in today’s world. That is what some would like you to believe. It is not that far away, and it must start with each and every one of us. Learn to accept someone’s differences. Learn to be a good neighbor. Learn to show compassion. Learn to compromise. Learn to understand instead of judge. When we do so, we are coming in from the cold and we can put those that seek to divide us out in the cold where they belong.
Look at the two gentleman in this photo. One is myself, one is my good friend Montell. Ok, there is also a guy unwillingly photobombing in the back, but let us focus on the two up front. Montell is wearing a Chicago Cubs baseball team hat. I am wearing a Milwaukee Brewers jersey. As this post is published, they are playing against each other in the baseball playoffs. It is a great team rivalry. I am also wearing a Green Bay Packers hat. The local football team. Montell is a big fan of their rival, the Chicago Bears. We are of different nationalities and have different skin colors. If I were to think a little harder, I am sure there are other differences that could be pointed out between us.
Why am I pointing out these obvious facts? Let me answer that by sharing one more fact with you. If you were to ask me to tell you about Montell, what would follow might take a while. None of it would consist of what I told you in the paragraph above. What I would tell you is that he is an amazing father, a great husband to his wife Tanya, a great friend, a compassionate understanding fellow to strangers he meets and one charismatic and talented entertainment with the microphone in his hand. There are more great things I could tell you, but I will just conclude by telling you that he is someone I hold in high regard.
I also forgot to mention that we drink the same kind of beer. It so impresses people that it is now the number one selling beer in the country. The second part of that statement is true, not sure if it has anything to do with Montell and me, other than our purchases of it. What is the point of the fact that I hold someone who shares so many differences with me, some like the sports teams could be opposite, in such high regard? It is the fact that it is possible. Those in political power would have us believe that Montell and I should not like each other. At the very least, that I should not hold him in such high regard. This has to be one of the stupidest trains of thought.
You might want to sit down because I am about to tell you something that just might blow your mind. Two people can have different, often conflicting, beliefs and opinions and still respect each other and hold each other in high regard. This should not be news worthy. With the demonization of political rivals, people of different races or that come from different places, we seem to be regressing. This was a popular sentiment in 1930’s Germany. It did not end well. It is up to us to not fall for such ‘black or white’ ‘us verses them’ mentality. There is a great truth in the cliche of “Divide and conquer.” By turning us against each other, we are easier to control and manipulate. If you find yourself a part of such a group, or following a person who actively promotes hating someone different than you, work to get out of it. We will touch on how to do that a little more in tomorrow’s post.
When I think what a great friend and person in Montell that I would have lost out in knowing, I can’t help but pity those who fall for such division. Yes, I did say “fall for”. You cannot lump all people of a certain category, whether that is race or astrological sign, together. Each person is an individual and has their own story and set of experiences. My grandfather used to tell me, if you hate someone, you just do not know enough about them. You will never convince me to hate an entire group of people. Not only am I not foolish enough to believe that an entire group of people have no good people in them. Nor am I foolish enough to believe that someone is less than, or that I have to hate them simply because they belong to a different political party, have a different color of skin or are different than me in any other way. I encourage you to come back tomorrow to learn more about reclaiming a peaceful and loving world.
Risk is not always a bad thing. It gives or life that spark. Keeps things interesting. It should be done responsibly. Risking your house on the outcome of a sporting contest you have no control over would not be a good risk to take. Done correctly, risk gives us a lot more than we think.
Far too many of us live in fear of risk. We shy away from any chance of failure. We live what we consider a ‘safe’ life. We never ask that person we really like out. We never apply for that job that we would love. We are alive, but is it a life worth living?
The secret to getting over that fear is in the quote above. “You either win or learn.” You ask that person out and they decline. You can ask them politely why. Maybe there is something you could improve on? Maybe they are shallow and you are better off learning that right away? Apply for the job. If you do not get it, you can learn what you need to set yourself up for success next time.
How many times have you caught yourself discouraging yourself? Saying things like, “You can’t do it.” Or “It will never work.” Have you ever beat yourself up? I’m sure we all have. Telling ourselves we are stupid, useless or some other less than empowering adjective.
Where do all these voices come from? Yes, the simple answer is ‘from inside or head’. How did they get there in the first place? They are all memories from others who have discouraged us in our past, yet they are still running our lives today! Would you really want that bully from high school or your ex making decisions for you today? How about your parents who grew up with voices of their own?
Think of these as recordings that play on loop in our head. It is time to hit ‘pause’, or better yet, ‘stop’ on these recordings. How do we do that? First catch yourself when you are using this negative self-talk. Then ask yourself, “Where did this thought come from and am I going to let it make decisions for me?” Then tell yourself the opposite. “This could work and I’m going to at least give it a shot.” Or “I might have made a stupid decision, but I sure am not stupid.”
From today forward, make sure the only voice in your head is your own and make sure it is making your life better!
In a ‘look at me’ world, people are always working so hard to get noticed. They work endlessly to show you how great they are. What many fail to realize is that our greatest opportunity to stand out is by helping and inspiring others.
Think of who stands out in your own life. It is usually the person who just makes you feel good by being around them. If they leave you feeling better about yourself, why they are indispensable! They are people you want in your life.
Another great thing about being in this category is that there is very little competition. In a world where people are screaming with their words and actions “look how great I am!”, all you have to do is be someone who uses your words and actions to say “look how great you are!” Show everyone what is special about them. Tell them. Remind them. Most importantly, appreciate them for it! Never assume people know their superpowers. Youmight be the first one to tell them!
One secret to an amazing life is to find joy in the small moments. I’ve learned in life, or at the end of your life, they are truly the big moments. Yes, a vacation in the tropics is awesome, but do you know how wonderful sharing a peaceful coffee on the porch with the person you love can be?
The more small moments we can find joy in, the more joyful our life will be. That will make our life more joyful all together. What it will also do, is add joy to those big moments such as that tropical vacation. What are some of your favorite small moments to find joy in?
We have spoken at length about the importance of both consistency and self-discipline. What difference do they really make? Even Aristotle knew that answer almost 2000 years ago. You do not become excellent because of what you do or what you accomplish. That is not to say worthy ideals are not worth pursuing. That is the definition of success. By pursuing these worthy ideals, it is who we become that matters.
Take getting healthy. You do not become healthy by killing one workout, or even several. Healthy is making a point to eat more natural food and less processed. Healthy is making sure to live an active life. This is done through repeated actions. Otherwise known as habits.
Think of habits you have everyday. Are they leading you closer to success or taking you further away? What are some habits you could use that would set you up for success? These do not have to be grand gestures. Even the smallest habits, done over time, create big change.
One thing I’ve noticed is once you get these small habits created and part of your life, you have momentum to start new and greater ones. Unfortunately, the same is true of bad habits. If we have a habit of eating terribly, missing the gym would not be that big of a deal. If we have a habit of finding things to be grateful for, we will always make sure to appreciate those around us. Check your habits and make sure they are serving you.
This points to a serious paradigm shift. Many people have been introduced to law of attraction principles. Many more have studied success strategies. They both, in their own way, advocate being something before you can achieve it. If you wish to be successful, act as a successful person would. If you start saying the things successful people do and doing the things successful people do, before long you are a success.
When it comes to health, this is even more important. When you change your identity to a healthy person,(big shift there) you begin to talk and act differently. Would a healthy person sit on the couch all day eating tacos and binge watching their favorite shows? Probably not. They would read articles about health. They would meal prep. They would make movement a part of their day.
This is easy to understand from a personal standpoint, but what about your life in general? It works in much the same fashion. If you believed life was a miracle, you would talk and act in a different way. If your life was a miracle, which we will get to in a moment, taking a moment for gratitude would be second nature. Having compassion for others would just be who you are. The meaninglessdrama? It wouldn’t bother you.
Your life is a miracle! The odds of a particular sperm reaching the egg first are greater than winning the lottery! We all have certain medical issues, but considering the list of every human malady, having only the ones we do is a miracle.
Then there is the fact our life hasn’t ended. There used to be a show called 1000 ways to die. It highlighted, if I may use that term, unique and crazy ways people have went to the great beyond. If you have noticed how people drive these days, it is amazing we make it to the grocery store and back! The way our body can heal itself – miracle. The way chance meetings can turn into life-long friends – miracle. The fact the most beautiful woman in the world continues to love this crazy author despite myself – best miracle ever.
OK, so the last one was a little personal, but you get the picture. Life is a miracle. Try writing that very phrase down. “Life is a miracle.” Put it somewhere you will see it everyday. Try repeating it to yourself every morning and watch your life change. You will begin to appreciate and see miracles everywhere. Life is a miracle. It is about time we act like it.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 