For the last several months I have been working on my fourth book, From Ruining Livers to Saving Souls. It chronicles my journey from bartender to self-improvement author and blogger. It contains many amusing and funny personal anecdotes. I was 30,000 words in and had slated a late-spring/early-summer release. Last Saturday, I made a very important and difficult decision – I will not be releasing this book. After reading what I had written, and lots of personal reflection, I decided the content, although quite entertaining, did not fit the message I was trying to convey. The months of work and 30,000 words I had composed would not see the light of day.
This also means there will be no book from yours truly in 2023. This is both deflating and liberating. It will allow me to focus on other endeavors such as this blog and my podcast – Living the Dream with Neil Panosian. It also stresses the importance of investing more thought into the planning process of what the message of the fourth book will be. It is my belief the writing will be stronger and do more good than had I released what I wrote earlier this year. A good book should place the focus on the reader. In my case, not only do I want to entertain them, but serve them as well. I promise that my fourth book will not be released until it accomplishes both.
Giving up on a goal can be a very difficult decision. Starting over can seem so deflating and hard to do. Just like going back to the gym after slipping during the holidays. It does not have to be an end, but can serve as a more powerful beginning. When we start over it is not starting from scratch. It is beginning with more information, even if that is just what doesn’t work, than we had the first time. If there is a goal that you know may not be right for you, it is ok to throw it away and start over. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, it may take longer. Most importantly, yes, it will be worth it.
One of the first reasons I was brought into the world of self-improvement was the man above, Tony Robbins. Like millions of others, I saw his infomercial at 3a.m. and ordered the product “Get the Edge”. Those CDs transformed my life. Not only for the content and strategies contained within, but because they influenced and motivated me to share what I learned with others. Not only did I improve my life, but by becoming a blog writer, author and life coach, I was able to positively influence the lives of others. I am still a big fan of Tony Robbins. I refer back to some of his work as a good reminder of some of the core principles that began my journey.
Then there was my fitness journey. Still a very active, and often up and down, journey. One of the main influences to get me moving was the man above, Greg Plitt. Not so much for a desire to have a physique like him. Although, that would be a bonus. His knowledge of fitness, both the physical and mental aspects, were a great boost. In addition, he has great motivational videos that both reinforced what Mr. Robbins said, as well as introducing some new and powerful concepts. The more videos I watched, the more I learned. Then, I learned a very interesting fact – he was dead. He met an unfortunate demise while filming a video. I had been learning for months from a man that I did not even realize was no longer with us. I still watch some of his videos to get me into the gym and to educate on several fitness and nutrition aspects.
That leads us to this man. Probably, one of, if not thee, greatest influence on my writing and personal development career. His name is Earl Nightingale. His message, The Strangest Secret, is something I have listened to thousands of times. His strategies for success are straight forward and filled with common sense. He was one of only 100 survivors on the U.S.S. Arizona when it was bombed in Pearl Harbor. He owned his own insurance company. He had his own radio program. He earned the first gold record for a spoken word recording and went on to launch the self-improvement recording industry. The company named after him, Nightingale-Conant, has many great products to help you improve your life. He also reminds me a bit of my grandfather, but I digress. He passed away in 1989.
The point of this message today is that every day I learn from people who have passed away. The only reason that I can do so is that they shared their story before they did. That is why it is so vital to share the talent you have inside of you. Your greatest moment may come long after you are gone. Our lives on this planet are finite, our influence on it does not have to be. Read that last line again slowly. How many authors, artists, musicians and others were only truly appreciated after they were gone? There is a day that we are born, and a day that we will die. Most self-improvement is focused on the moments between. That is for good reason. I put forth that we should also think about the influence we will have after we are gone. What you leave behind could save the life of someone who is not born yet. What you leave behind could change the world for your great-grandchildren. Do not let your influence die with you. Share your story today. Whether that is a video on YouTube, writing a book, or sharing a blog. That could be recording your music, sharing your artwork or a million other ways to express yourself. Do not keep it inside you. Tomorrow is never promised.
If you saw your friend putting all of his money in this machine, what would you do? You watch him take dollars out of his pocket and feed the machine, press a button and then get frustrated when nothing happens. Would you stop him? Would you point out how putting hard-earned money into a machine that is “out of order” is not only a waste, but a rather stupid course of action?
If you are a good friend I hope you would. Would you put your money in that machine? I’m guessing you are thinking to yourself, “no way! I work way too hard for my money to do something so stupid!” You would be right to think so.
What about your time, emotional and mental health? How many people, places and things do we keep investing our time, money and physical, mental and emotional health in even though they are “out of order”? It may not be so obvious because they don’t have a sign on them, but we know they are there. You keep lending money to that friend who can never hold down a job. You keep listening to your friend that just spreads negativity and gossip. You continue to go to that job that is sucking the joy out of your soul.
Think of your life and how many out of order machines you are feeding. The scary part is that it is not money you are losing. Although, that can be part of it as in the case of our friend who can’t hold down the job. No, you are losing something far more precious. You are losing time. You are putting part of your life in an “out of order life vending macine”! Stop doing that. Think of your life and what things might be wasting your time and energy.
This really is the first secret to living an amazing life. There is no way to experience true joy or happiness until you love the life you have currently. That doesn’t mean you are not working towards a better life for both you and your family. It simply means adopting an attitude of gratitude along the way.
You may not have the house you want, but you have a roof over your head. You may not have received that promotion you were hoping for, but you are still employed. Your relationship may seem difficult at times, but at least you have one to work on. Maybe you don’t have a relationship? You can use that time to work on yourself and to work out what you really want in a partner.
Developing an attitude of gratitude truly is a secret to an amazing life. Tony Robbins refers to it as “Swapping expectations for appreciation” I think that is something we could all do a little more of. I would love to know what you think.
Our mind has such great power! The trick is that power can either work for us or against us. Either way it is very strong. If you had a strong friend that followed you everywhere, wouldn’t you want to make sure they were working for you? How about your mind?
If we fill our mind with fear, worry and anxiety, it will paralyze us into a life of inactivity and darkness. If, however, we learn to put our mind to work for us, we can have everything we dreamed of.
Invest today in discovering different ways of making your mind work for You. Whether that is meditation 🧘♂️, self-discipline or any other aspect. The time and money you put in will give returns many times above.
It is important to remember not to let outside influences override or inner character. Yes, this is easier said than done. We must remember that if we respond emotionally to every person and situation, we are in effect, allowing those people and situations to control us. Are you the type of person who wants to be controlled by everything and everyone around you? That does not lend itself to an amazing life.
This week, when some less-enlightened person does something to aggravate your emotions, remember to respond from who you are and not who they are. One secret to an amazing life is not letting ourselves be controlled.
I want to remind all of you the importance of putting a priority on yourself. This is not to say that you should disregard other people’s feelings. Quite the opposite. By being the best version of yourself that you can be, you are able to bring the best to those you interact with. What you should guard against, is sacrificing what is truly important to you to avoid upsetting others. If they truly value who you are, they will understand that you need to do certain things for your own physical and mental well-being.
If you face a situation like this, it is important to convey this information with tact. It is also important not to be persuaded by guilt, threats or anything else that will make you give up what is truly necessary to you and your well-being. By devoting your life to pleasing the masses, you wear yourself thin and will eventually break. You need to take time for yourself. You have a duty to make sure that you keep your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health up. Just as you can only change yourself, you should be the chief person responsible for yourself and your health.
Anyone of you reading a website about secrets to an amazing life are not ok with being mediocre. The simple truth to living an amazing life is focusing on what we can control and not being bogged down on that which we cannot. What we can control boils down to one thing and one thing only – ourselves. We are not happy with our health? It is up to us to change our diet and physical activity. Not happy with your job? Complaining about your boss or coworkers will not change a thing. Going back to school or pursuing your passion on nights and weekends while working that day job will. Not happy with your relationship? Blaming your partner for everything only puts the key to your happiness in their pocket. Working your butt off to improve every aspect of yourself and your relationship, that will make a difference. If it still does not, it may be time to take a hard look at that relationship to decide whether you are truly right for each other. That doesn’t involve blaming either party, just deciding your values may be different. Only do that after you have given 120% on your end, or you may end up living with regret for the rest of your life.
Learning to control and master ourselves will give us an amazing life. Realizing that there is nothing else we can control will make that a lot easier. If you are truly looking for an amazing life, and one that is far from mediocre, than look no further than the mirror. That is the person in charge of your life and the only thing you can, and should, have control over. Today, let us all work on gaining control over ourselves. Whether that is to say ‘no’ to that doughnut in the breakroom, or ‘yes’ to getting up and going to the gym, we must control ourselves. Can’t get control over an aspect of your life? It is your responsibility to seek out more knowledge or assistance to do just that. Today, begin the journey to an amazing life. Take control over yourself.
For those of you following this blog recently, you know that I have just returned from a week-long vacation to the sunny island country of Jamaica. What a fun time I had with my lovely lady, Margie. Today is my first full day back. Tomorrow I return to my day job at the Post Office. It was my first real vacation in 4 years and the first time I have taken a full week off of everything since…well…I can’t even remember when.
Ironically, when I was looking for things to write about, I came across this picture. It reminded me of something I think we could all benefit from. Stress, anxiety and overwhelm seem to be the status quo these days. Especially in “developed” countries. I put that word in quotes because we must ask ourselves what really is developed. Sure, our technology might be advanced. Does that make up for the lack of low-tech enjoyment? Our productivity might be at record levels, but what about the self-care that we all seem to sacrifice to get ahead? If our work output is developed, does that even matter when our spirit is not? It is time to change the focus.
Take the first item on this list. Humans were not meant to sit at a desk from 9 to 5. We really were not. We are meant to be physically active creatures. We were meant to move. Not only does physical exercise help reduce stress and release natural feel-good chemicals in the brain, it helps prevent and reverse many of the health conditions we all suffer from. You don’t have to slave in the gym for an hour, although I enjoy the feeling afterward. You can incorporate walks after dinner, bike rides with friends or even creating a dance routine to your favorite song when nobody is home. Moving helps us both mentally and physically.
The answer must be more relaxing right? The answer to that is both yes and no. While taking some time to unwind is something we should all invest in, how we do so becomes very important. Coming home to relax and watch a little television or a movie is not a bad thing. Bing watching for several hours every night is not healthy. Not only does it deprive us of the movement that is so valuable that we mentioned above, but it deprives us of time to accomplish things that will give us a feeling of pride and self-confidence. Again, this is not to say we should never relax with our favorite streaming service, just that we should do so with moderation. We should also mix in reading our favorite book, spending time with friends, taking a leisurely walk in nature and other relaxing options.
How about only exploring the world only 2 weeks a year? As discussed earlier, I am as guilty of this as anyone else. We need to get away and experience other cultures and people as often as we can. Not only will this broaden our knowledge of people and their circumstances, it may shed new light on our own lives. Look at this beautiful sunset picture I took over the ocean. A scene like that refreshes the soul. Talking with many of the Jamaican people, I learned that they were truly happy with a life that included a lot less than I was used to having. How did they do that? By focusing on being grateful for what they had. Seeing the poverty that many of the islands people lived in, reminded me to be grateful for all that I have. Even just hearing what is important to them and to their families allowed me to see life in a completely different light. Their friendly hospitality everywhere we went was amazing.
How about creativity? Adults seldom, if ever, spend time on creative pursuits. I believe this is for one of two reasons. First, they view such endeavors as wasted time. What does coloring a picture accomplish? I will tell you what it accomplishes. It helps save your brain from a meltdown! That is why I am happy to see the popularity of ‘adult coloring books’. Why do more people not do this? I think another reason is that adults are afraid of not doing things perfectly. If they look worse than their neighbor, they think they have failed. Not true. Picasso had people with square noses and he was considered a great success. The point is to just have fun and let lose. Keep that right side of your brain healthy. If I had to worry about being better than my neighbor, I would never do much. Margie is a very accomplished artist and can do almost any art thing better than I can. Still, I understand that we all have our own unique talents and shine in our own way. Speaking of Margie, she provides another clue to maintaining a creative outlet – surround yourself with creative people. The other night at dinner she stared at her blank placemat and exclaimed, “I need crayons!” She was serious. You need someone like that.
This plays into our last point. Not to have all your aspirations beaten out of you. In a world of online critics, this can be more difficult than ever. Remember this, someone who is truly happy with themselves will never criticize others. One of the most difficult critics to defeat is the one between your own ears. I remember when I thought about starting a blog, writing my first book, starting a YouTube channel or starting a podcast, I did my best to talk myself out of it. Luckily for me, I also had people in my life that pushed the issue. You want to write a book? Give it a shot! You want to become a fashion designer? Try putting together a few outfits. We function best when we are pursuing a dream. Never give up on yours!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 