Month: November 2025

WHAT WRITING AT STARBUCKS TAUGHT ME TODAY

The good-looking and charming gent above is me, while writing these blogs at my favorite Starbucks. While working here I tend to block out what is happening around me. This annoys Margie, but comes in handy when trying to complete a blog or book. The banter of the staff, the sometimes loud music and conversation of other patrons can be hard to block out for some. That is what Margie informed me of as she worked on her school work. For me, I get lost in the writing and look up to find an entirely different staff and group of people sitting around me. This happens more often than I care to admit.

Today was a little different. As I was writing my blogs I was casually observing the conversations being had around me. The staff here does an excellent job of greeting everyone who comes in. Quite often that greeting is followed by an inquiry as to the state of the individual. That could be a simple, “How are you today?” to something a little more in depth. It is nice to see that much engagement. Here is the crazy thing, most of the responses were negative. By most, I mean all of the ones that I heard. If you are keeping score at home, after being greeted by several employees and then asked how their day was going, most of the people had something negative to say. One man complained it was too sunny for him, only to follow up with the line, “At least it isn’t cloudy like it has been.” I thought to myself, “Wait, you are mad that it is sunny, but were not happy it was cloudy?” Between you and me, I do not think that leaves many other options.

In addition to these back and fourth quick engagements, I also caught pieces of conversations between several parties sitting down having coffee together. There were some discussing their disappointment the the state of government affairs. Another involved complaints about how their children were handling their lives. I understand wanting to vent to a friend. It is good for our mental health. Do you know what else is good for our mental health? Some positivity!

While discussing this with my friend Jason, he made what I think was a great analogy. When are we more likely to leave a review, after good service or bad? Here is the crazy thing, how do we feel after writing such a review? Sure, we may feel vindicated in the moment. We also usually relive the moment in our mind as we are typing. This often has us upset all over again. Now ask yourself, how do you feel after relaying good news to a friend? How do you feel after hearing their good news?

To recap, we feel worse when discussing something negative and happy when discussing something positive. In reflection, how much of our conversation falls into either category? I am just as guilty and find this a great opportunity to improve this aspect of my life. Here is my idea and I would love to hear yours. From now on when someone inquires as to my well-being, I am going to do my best to answer with something I am grateful for. This will accomplish two things at once. One, it will reduce my default negative response and two, it will also increase my overall feeling of gratitude.

I am inviting you to do two different things with me. Next time you are out in public, casually observe the tone of the conversations. If you work with the public, notice most people’s response to the question of how are they. Second, think of your own conversations and greetings. Do they involve “Finally being out of work.” or is it “Happy to be above ground!” Will you join me in answering the question, “How are you?” with something you are grateful for? I would love to know what you think about this and how you feel it will affect your life.

A CHANGE THAT CAN CREATE SUCCESS

Last post we took a long hard look at our view of discipline and how it can be sabotaging our success. If you did not have a chance to read that, may I strongly suggest that you go back to take a look. Today we are going to look at a somewhat broader category of how we view life in general. It will not only give you the motivation to get more done, but make life a lot more enjoyable. Especially the struggles we all have to go through on our journey of self-improvement.

When we are looking to purchase something, the first question many of us ask is, “What will this cost?” This makes sense. We need to understand how much of our funds, time or effort will this item cost. Is there a more economical option? If so, we generally will gravitate towards that. This holds true for most material things. Then why do any of us buy a diamond ring? Surely there are cheaper options. When I asked my beautiful lady to marry me, I could have got the ring out of a gumball machine. Despite what I told her, that is not what happened. Before we answer why we often purchase more expensive items, let us look at some other examples.

Think of effort. There are things that take a great deal of effort. Working out to get in shape. That takes a lot of effort. Who would want to do that? There are gyms that are always busy though. Speaking of gyms, after the new year they are usually even busier. By February, they are back to their usual amount of people. Why? This can be answered with the mindset we will be discussing. How about healthy eating? How many people start with the best intention and end up with a face full of tacos? Think of projects we begin with great enthusiasm. Maybe a house renovation or even a relationship? Only to find our house the same or with one less person in it.

How can we work to improve success in all of those endeavors and why do we sometimes purchase more expensive items when there are cheaper ones readily available? The picture above does an amazing job of answering that question. Here is how to both increase your chances of success in life as well as making it less stressful. How does that sound for a great equation? Greater success and less stress getting it? Making it through that hard workout without throwing in the towel, literally and figuratively? Will you still be hyperventilating and sweating like a high schooler on exam day? Sure, but you will be doing so with a smile on your face and a determination to stick with it. This will not only help you say ‘no’ to the free doughnuts in the breakroom and stick to your healthy eating goals, but whatever resolution you make on New Year’s Eve or any other day as well.

This change in mindset will also help free you from spending time on things that are not really important to you. The mindset change simply involves asking yourself one different question. Instead of asking yourself “What will this cost me?” switch to asking yourself “What is this worth to me?” In addition to focusing on the destination, it gives purpose to the goal. When you are on the treadmill and your lungs feel like they are about to explode, are you thinking about the pain and discomfort? Most of us are. That is why it is so hard for people to stick with a fitness plan. The next time they are going to the gym they are thinking of everything it is going to cost them. The drive there. The discomfort of their muscles as they are working out. The soreness they will experience after. If you are focused on all of these things, you will not make it long-term.

Now, if you ask yourself, “Is good physical fitness worth it to me?” That will lead to a different focus. Is it worth it to be able to keep up with your kids or grandkids? Is it worth it to be able to go up a flight of stairs without the aid of a team of sherpas and a liter of oxygen? Are the sore muscles worth being able to stand for long periods of time without your back feeling like it is going to break in two? Is the stigma of being the oldest person in the gym worth not being the youngest person in the nursing home?

That is the fitness example. It is pretty straight forward and easy to understand. Here is something a little trickier and more sensitive. It works the same in your relationships. When you think of a relationship there is lots of work involved. This is especially true if you want a deep and successful one. Is it worth sacrificing your happiness for that of your partner or the relationship on occasion? Is having awkward and difficult discussions to establish rules and borders within the relationship? How about the disagreements when you have opposing values? When you focus on these things, staying single seems like a better option.

Now ask yourself questions about worth. Is it worth it to have a person to always come home to? Is it worth it to have someone who often understands you better than you understand yourself? Is having someone you know will always have your back? How about love that will grow and continue to teach you about yourself and life in general? Having someone to wrap your arms around on a cold winter night, is that worth it to you? If it is, you will gladly suffer the costs if you continue to focus on the value and worth of the relationship.

In some of these cases the honest answer may be ‘no’ and that is ok. It would be better for us to know this at the onset. If you tell yourself “I am going to start working out in the new year.” Ask yourself how much is being physically fit worth to you? Is it worth the challenges you will have to overcome? If not, it may be better for you to focus on a goal that is more in line with your value.

Do not take my word on this. Try it for yourself. Trade focusing on cost to focusing on worth and see how much more determination and discipline you will find yourself having. It will also help reduce the stress going through these challenges knowing how much the payoff is worth to you.

THE KEYS TO FREEDOM

Many of us have a negative association with the word ‘discipline’. It starts from childhood where we are disciplined for perceived bad behavior. This can be standing in the corner, a spanking or any other sort of punishment. In fact, it is here where we see discipline and punishment as the same. Then we move to school. Not much better here. We can be disciplined for acting up in class. Maybe even leading the class on an impromptu field trip while the teacher is out of the room. Say to the park…down the street. Who knew that was against the rules? Obviously not me in pre-school.

This is where another negative association to discipline begins. If our grades are not up to standards, we are told we have to be disciplined in our studies. This can result in long hours of pouring over the books and missing much of the fun our friends are enjoying. As an adult, things to not get much better. We have to be disciplined in our eating if we want to be healthy. This can mean missing out on many of our favorite foods. It can be forcing ourselves to eat many things we do not enjoy. We have to be disciplined about going to work. That sure is fun isn’t it? Roughly 87% of us do not like our current occupation. So that discipline is not enjoyable for most of us. Even as we leave work we have to remain disciplined in doctor visits and taking medication. Not much fun there.

Here is what nobody tells us. Discipline is the key to freedom. In each of the examples above, with maybe the exception of my pre-school adventures, the discipline was helping us gain some freedom. Learning how to properly behave in society allows us to have the freedom to get along once we are out on our own. Being disciplined in our studies not only helps us learn skills we will need in the real world, but shows us the value of committing focused time and effort to developing a skill. As far as being disciplined with our health, that gives us the freedom to enjoy a life with less sickness and injury. Life is no fun when you are constantly at home with the latest illness going around. Being disciplined with coming into work will keep us employed and earning a paycheck. As far as remembering to go to the doctor and take our meds, well that keeps us…alive! Freedom there!

We are taught to view discipline as what we have to go through, or even as a punishment. What many of us are not made aware of is what that discipline will result in. This change in mindset can transform our lives. Not only will it assist us in sticking to our discipline, it will make it more enjoyable. All of that will lead to a more successful life. If you will like to learn more about the power of this mindset change, join us tomorrow when we dive deeper into it.

YOUR WEEKEND VACATION

It is Friday! The weekend is so close we can taste it. It is our 2 days of vacation from the grind of the 9 to 5. For those of us who still work on the weekend, I feel your pain. For most of us it is a brief chance to focus on friends, family and errands we never got a chance to focus on. A little vacation if you will. The picture above is where I would like to vacation. It is actually where I would not mind living. For you it might be a cabin in the mountains or a penthouse in the middle of the city. Whatever the location, we all have an ideal escape. The odds are we are not currently there.

As I write this I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop I enjoy creating these bits of wisdom for you. The sun is shinning and if I close my eyes I could at least imagine I am writing in a coffee shop in the tropics. For a few moments I can escape reality. This is so important. In a world that can offer us for too many stressful things, it can be vital to have an escape. It is painfully obvious that many of us do not give enough attention to our mental health. Some push ourselves until we snap. We hear about the often tragic effect of letting this happen.

Can closing our eyes and picturing ourselves at a resort in the Maldives really save us from snapping on our coworkers and creating a situation we regret? The answer is both yes and no. Certainly we need to address the root causes of our stress. Taking a mini mental vacation will not do that. What it will do is give us a chance to pause and take a breath. This often gives us the ability to face those challenges in a clearer and healthier mindset. It can save us from yelling at our children, coworker or spouse. This can often make a bad situation worse.

If you are anything like me, and judging by some comments many of you are, you will want to take this up a notch. Although the closing your eyes while writing a blog at Starbucks is fun, it is more powerful the more intense you make this experience. Set aside five or more minutes several times a week. Let the family and friends know you are not to be disturbed during your ‘mental vacation’. Go where you will not be disturbed. This could be a bedroom, your favorite place in nature or anywhere else that works for you. Here is where it gets fun and where you can get creative!

Now that you have found your spot and hit the ‘Do Not Disturb’ button on your life, what is next? Try to create the most immersive experience you can. We are going to use the beach scenario as an example because it is the one I am most familiar with. This will work with whatever vacation you choose to go on. Important to note that you can go different places at different times. Try to gather materials that will engage as many of your senses as possible. In my beach example, this can include a video of the beach with sounds of ocean waves. How about some vanilla or coconut scented oils or candles? A creamy coconut drink? We are already up to 4 of the senses. Do this in a nice hot bath and you will be up to all five!

Do this for as long as, and as often as, you need. You will experience a decrease in stress and an increase in a feeling of overall well-being. Who knows? It could help you manifest a real vacation where you can soak in memories to use in future mental vacation moments!

WHAT A BEAVER CAN TEACH US ABOUT LIFE

We might want to begin by clearing up a little confusion regarding the title of this post. Yes, it does say ‘beaver’ in the title. No, this is not a picture of a beaver. Yes, it is a picture of the moon. It was taken outside of my work this morning. It is known as the ‘Beaver Full Moon’. That is why we used the word beaver in the title. Now that we have all of that straight, let us focus on what it can teach us about life and how to live it better.

Throughout history, there have been many beliefs attached to the full moon. Some based on science. Most based on myth. The one I would take a look at revolves around using the cycles of the moon to focus on different aspects of our lives. This is not about some esoteric or metaphysical thought, but how to use those for a very practical application.

When we are looking to improve our lives, there are really 2 avenues to go about that. We are trying to add healthy attitudes and behaviors and we are also trying to eliminate unhealthy behaviors and attitudes. That is pretty much a given. Trying to do them both at once can be very overwhelming. The metaphysical thought about the moon cycles is that you should use them to focus on one of these at a time. As the moon goes from full to new moon, thus getting smaller, you should focus on things you wish would grow smaller in your life. Eat less junk. Have less negative self-talk. Take your pick. When the moon is going from new moon to full moon, thus getting bigger, you should focus on things you wish to grow in your life. This could be getting more physical activity. It could be showing more gratitude to your partner or in general. Again, this goes for any healthy habit.

I am not sure if the cycle of the moon helps our endeavors or not. What I do know is it is a constant rather large reminder in the sky we can use to help us on our journey of self-improvement. It can also reminder to focus on one side of the coin and then the other. We are less likely to be overwhelmed and more likely to be successful.

THERE ARE ALWAYS OPPORTUNITIES TO HELP

One slightly redeeming quality about tragedy is that it provides us an opportunity to make a difference. A chance to step up and help our fellow human beings. Not only fellow humans, but animals, plants and the earth at large.

Recently, most of us know Jamaica was hit by a devastating hurricane. As I see stories of the aftermath, I am reminded how many different areas can be impacted. It saddens me to think many of these people who do not have much to begin with, have lost even that. At the same time, there are great stories of people and companies stepping up to offer free meals and assistance of all kinds!

This certainly isn’t the only place where people are suffering. The war continues in the Ukraine, there are many countries with human rights and starvation issues. Each one of these present a unique opportunity to help. Make sure you are using a trusted platform to do so. Even if you are unable to do so with your time or money, offering focused thoughts and prayers for people in these affected situations can make a big difference.

Everyday the world presents problems. That means every day we have the opportunity to make a positive difference.

THE BEST DIET FOR SUCCESS IS EATING ELEPHANT 🐘

Everyone is looking for the next fad diet. Whether that is for more energy, more muscle or less weight. Here is a diet for more success! That’s right. If you want to get ahead at work, in your health or even in your relationships – start eating elephants!

Of course we are not advocating eating actual elephants. I’m rather fond of the big guys. No, it is a reference, as you see in the first picture, to tackling a big problem. Many of us, myself included, will approach a big goal or challenge and become overwhelmed.

This could be getting in shape, getting out of debt, cleaning up your diet, or even cleaning up the house. We see eight million things we have to do and can’t imagine getting them all done. Instead, we should focus on getting one of them done. You couldn’t eat an entire meal at once, nor can you do much of anything all at once.

Our good friends in the wonderful country of Jamaica are struggling to repair the damage brought by hurricane Melissa. The damage can seem overwhelming. I can only imagine what they are facing. The story is the same. The way to build back is clearing one tree at a time. Helping one family at a time and taking one day at a time.

Even if all you are dealing with is a house that looks like it was hit by a hurricane, it is still one step at a time. You got this!

BE UNSTOPPABLE THIS MONDAY!

Do not let the fact that it is Monday stop, or even intimate you. Discover what is holding you back from reaching your goals. Make that your enemy. Remember to focus on what you can control. Placing the blame on outside people and circumstances only puts you under their control and makes you weak.

The truth is most of the time it is not a lack of resources that stop you, but a lack of resourcefulness. Use those people and circumstances for motivation, not for excuses. Do not let them stop you. Find what you can do inside of you to improve your situation and move closer to your goals. You’ve got this!

RULES FOR COUPLES ARGUMENTS

Many people ask what the secret of success to the success of my relationship with my beautiful lady is. It is not just focusing on how to create more happy moments, although that is important. Equally important is knowing what to do when the sun doesn’t seem to be shining on your love.

Knowing how to handle the “valleys” of a relationship is just as important as celebrating the “peaks”. Take a look at the list above. It is a good set of rules to have in place to ensure your love lasts a lifetime. Tell me what are some of the rules you have for disagreements that keep your love strong?

WHY “YOU’VE CHANGED” CAN BE A GREAT THING TO HEAR

Has anyone ever told you, “You have changed.” Usually, it is not a good thing. They are attempting to bring to our attention that a behavior or attitude that we used to have is changed. That makes most people uncomfortable. This holds true if our new behavior or mindset is contrary to the one they knew us to have. Perhaps you used to be the life of the party. You could drink a few beers, slam a few shots and would just take the next day off of work. Now, you drink water, are focused on your fitness and show up to work on time. If the person hung around with you before, it might make them uncomfortable to deal with the change. This is even more true if they have stayed the same.

Many people fear being left behind by friends who evolve. In some cases this fear is legitimate. If you are looking to change a behavior, it is quite helpful to no longer associate with individuals who engage in that behavior you are looking to leave behind. If you were formally close to that individual, it can be a little painful for that to happen. If you are the person worrying about being left behind, it can not only be painful, but scary as well. That is why they will tell you that you have changed with an attitude of making you feel as though you are not being authentic to yourself. Part of this is them transferring their fear and disappointment in their own progress on you.

A greater reason for people using the phrase, “You’ve changed.” is our inability to communicate our feelings. There really should be a class taught to us when we are young on how to properly say the often difficult things that we feel. Just yesterday I heard it said that “They tell you that you have changed because they do not know how to say you have grown.” That is something we must understand, growth takes change. If we stay the same we can stay stagnate. The picture above captures it beautifully. To become a butterfly, we cannot remain a caterpillar. Growth can be painful and many may accuse us of changing who we are, but just remember that is because they do not know how to tell us that we have grown.