It should surprise nobody that human beings can be fickle creatures. One of the more amusing aspects of humanity is that we often focus on what we lack, or what we have left to do. We often build it up to be far more that it actually is. In a strange twist of irony, we minimize the importance of how much we have accomplished or how far we have come.
It is certainly not helpful to rest on your laurels. Looking back and appreciating them from time to time can certainly be helpful. Knowing that we have made it through some very tough challenges, some of which we may have thought that we never would have made it through, can give us the confidence that we can make it through the challenge we are now facing. David Goggins refers to it as ‘the cookie jar’. Something he reaches for in his mind when facing a tough situation. This is a man who runs 200 miles without stopping in Death Valley in the summer! He knows a thing or two about overcoming challenges.
How about you? What is in your cookie jar? Not the one in the kitchen, but the one in your own head? What accomplishments and overcoming of challenges do you have? It can be helpful to sit down and list them. A little of both. Read over that list on a tough day when you are feeling like you cannot persevere. It will also help ingrain them in your mind so that when a tough challenge pops up unexpectedly you have them front and center. It can give you that boost of confidence you need to live the amazing life you deserve!
One of my favorite speakers is Inky Johnson. He often says that perception drives performance. Here is one example that came to mind – vanity. There are so many of us that use vanity as an excuse. I am too old to do this. I am not fit enough to do this. I am not smart enough to do this. It can prevent us from taking the steps we need to improve our life and give us the life we have been dreaming of. We must realize that what others think of us will never be more important than an opportunity to improve our own life. As the saying goes, “What you think about me is none of my business.”
That speaks to the first half of the picture above. The second half speaks to using vanity to push you to improve your life. Realizing that learning, working out or other things that may cause us to look foolish or lacking in the present may be necessary to improve our life in the future. Would you risk looking silly being the oldest person at the gym? As a 50-year-old that regularly hyperventilates on the treadmill, I can attest to this.If you let the fear of being the oldest person at the gym keep you from getting in shape, you might be forced with being comfortable being the youngest person at the nursing home.
This does not only go for fitness. It is true in learning as well. When we are first starting to learn something we often look foolish. If we are willing to suffer that lack of vanity, we will acquire the skills that will help us look, and be, intelligent in the long-run. Meditation is another arena that this is true. First starting out can seem foolish. Once we master it the benefits are insane.
Vanity, like many other aspects of life, can be a tool or an excuse. It all depends on your perspective. The same can be true of regret, fear and a million other emotions and conditions. It is our mindset and our attitude at the beginning of a task that has the greatest impact on its outcome. To quote Inky Johnson, “Our perspective will drive our performance.”
I cannot convey this point enough. Many of you who follow this blog, or know me in person realize this. In 2022 my life changed forever. I had open-heart surgery, died briefly and was brought back. That whole experience blessed me and taught me more than I ever thought it would. It not only changed my perspective of life, it changed my life’s mission as well. Let us quickly touch on all of these points and how my death can save your life.
From the time I was told I needed surgery until the surgery was scheduled was 2 months. This was done to make the most of the insurance company. A sad but necessary way of doing business. To say that a lot happened in those 2 months would be one of the greatest understatements. First, during a superhero film my beautiful Margie and I were attending I had a great epiphany in the men’s room. This could be the very last movie I had the chance to see with her. Death was a real possibility. It could be the last Thanksgiving, her birthday and Christmas we spent together. It could be the last time we ring in a new year together.
Shockingly, these realizations did not cause a feeling of fear. Instead, what I felt was a great sense of urgency. It felt like while I was there taking care of business in the gents, some divine power flipped over an hour glass and said “You have 2 months and….go!” It brought into focus what was really important in a hurry. How can I help the most people realize all they have to be grateful for in their lives on Thanksgiving. It is, after all, my favorite holiday. Even this blog was started on thanksgiving. How could I make Margie’s next birthday the best one she has ever had? Speaking of Margie, how can I convey my love for her in the way that she can understand and feel it the deepest? How could I do that with everyone in my life?
It was a moment of forced self-reflection. It did not involve trying to get material things or travel to specific places. No, what was really important was creating memories with those I cared about and making sure they knew how much I cared. Then, there were the thoughts about my life and the legacy I would leave behind. Did I do enough? What could I leave behind in the next 2 months? Could I write another book? Should I spend that time writing blogs or making YouTube videos? What should I say that will have the greatest, and longest lasting impact? All good questions.
When the surgery happened, it was the second wave of Covid, and I could have no visitors. Therefore that trip to the hospital could have been the last time I saw, and hugged my mother and Margie. The feeling I had watching the elevator doors close behind them as they left is too painful to describe. Then there was the strange feeling of realizing I had died and been brought back. I had more time.
Here is one of the most impactful things I had learned. We went to get lunch at a Panera after I was released from the hospital. I was warned that my emotions could be more intense after the surgery. This was also an understatement. As we entered the restaurant, a realization hit me. All of these people would die. It could be tomorrow, next week or years from now. We never know. So many of us never ask the tough questions the specter of death brings to light. Being faced with death is the one thing that has given me the most life.
Imagine what your life would be like if you were given a few months (or less) to live? Really imagine. Who would you want to spend time with? What would you want to do? What would be important to do? Once you have that answer, do that now! As Marcus Aurelius said, “Death hangs over you.” It hangs over us all. We never have as much time as we wish. We often do not have as much time as we think.
Monday can be tough for anyone. In addition to what life throws at us, we now have to deal with what the boss throws at us as well. This can leave us feeling drained, and even defeated at the end of the day. It can have us wondering how we can manage to make it to another day. It is important to remember that is where true courage comes from.
Many people think that ‘courage’ means taking on a lofty challenge or goal. It can be that. What is also courage, and often takes a great deal more is to wake up and face another day when you feel you have nothing left. That is also courage. Remember when you put your head on the pillow, head filled with doubts and fears, only to rise another day, that makes you courageous. When you feel you have lost everything that was dear to you, but still you go on. That is courage. When life knocks you down, but you slowly get back up, that makes you courageous.
Sometimes the greatest courage in life is that small voice that whispers to us. That takes courage to listen to.
I am going to ask you a few questions. Stick with me as I think we will both learn a lot through our answers. I found this chart really helpful with my gym and workouts. After a full body workout, the next day you may feel like you may be able to lift a small car, but struggle to get off the toilet because it was leg day. Looking at this chart, does it not make sense that different muscles in the body take different time to recover? They are different shapes, and involved in different processes in the body.
Sticking with this idea, would it make sense to you that they may recover quicker after some workouts than others? How about the time to recover may be different from person to person? My muscles tend to recover rather quickly. Margie 2 days after a workout might need assistance picking up her cell phone. Our bodies and the way they react after a workout differ. Some days I am ready to go the next day. Other days it takes me a while. Does that make sense to you? To recap, different muscles recover at different rates. On any given day they may recover quicker or slower. Muscle recovery not only varies from muscle to muscle and day to day, but certainly from person to person. This all seems pretty logical right?
While this seems to make sense with muscles, let me ask you another question. How long does it take to recover from the end of a relationship? How about the loss of a job? The loss of a loved one? I often use fitness as a way to show different aspects of self-improvement as they are very similar. We never think there is something wrong with us because it took us a little longer to recover from a workout than it did last time. We never feel less than because Bob or Betty recovered from their leg day better than we did. Why should it be any different when it comes to how we recover from a personal tragedy?
One last thought on this. When we have had a particularly tough workout, we are not afraid to use tools or ask for help in our recovery. That could be those glorious massage beds at the gym, consuming some protein or a simple pain pill. When we need to recover from life we feel like we cannot ask for help, or we do not use any tools to help us recover. Many of us do not even have any tools or strategies that could help us. You would not workout without a plan for recovery. Why would you go through life without one?
My point is this – just as muscles recover different, so do people. Just like it can take us longer to recover after some workouts than others, life can be tougher to tackle sometimes. When we are having problems recovering from a workout we go for a massage or take some type of pain pill. We may even ask for some advice from a personal trainer. The same should be true when we are struggling to recover from what life throws at us. Maybe we need to take a day off or indulge in some self-care. We may even reach out for help to a friend or therapist. This should make us feel no different than needing help after a tough workout.
There are many pressing questions to answer in life. This is, however, one of the better ones. This is for a good many reasons. By answering it we both add service to both ourselves and others. I suggest we spend a good deal of time pondering this question often. The benefits of doing so are reduced stress, clarity and well-defined purpose. It also greatly increases the chances that we will turn out to be a decent human being.
Let us take a look at how this all plays out. First, by examining what we are doing for others, we make sure that we are indeed doing something for others. It will assist us in not living a self-centered sort of existence. It may help to open our eyes to more opportunities to positively impact the lives of those around us. Are we making the most of the gifts we are given? This can also help us gain clarity and purpose in where our lives are headed. This can greatly reduce the stress we are feeling. There is yet another benefit to pondering what we are doing for others.
When we are thinking about what we are doing for others, we are focused on them and their issues and how we can be of benefit to them. This, if only for a moment, stops us from dwelling in the misery of our own problems. When we do realize that others have problems, it can help put our own in perspective. When we do come up with a way in which we can be a service to others, it gives us a feeling of value and purpose. This mindset can also help us with our own issues.
Just when we both thought i was done with the posts about 6 inches, one more was brought to my attention. I was at the super market dismayed at all of the carts left in the parking lot. The cart attendant informed me of something far worse for them. I could not imagine something worse than a lazy ignorant person who puts there cart up on an island verses walking a few feet to a coral.
The young man looked at me and confessed that did irritate him. “What is worse is when people mix up the small carts with the large ones. ” He went on to explain that they have to pull them all apart and put all the like sizes together before bringing them in the store. “It is really tough in the snow. ” he added.
That is something I could not wrap my head around. Truly if you went to the grocery store and purchased things it would be a safe assumption you had the ability to read. Being that you decided to purchase the 12 mega roll toilet paper verses the 6, it would be safe size differential was not the issue. Yet, here we are. Small carts are put in in area marked ‘large’ and the other way around. The difference between the two sides? Yep, you guessed it, 6 inches.
Again, this turns out not to be an issue of distance, but lack of respect and personal pride. Put your cart back where it goes. Even if that is 6 inches further.
Last post we discussed how a mere 6 inches can make a huge difference in the world. If you haven’t had a chance to read it, you might wish to take a peak. The more I thought about it, the more that holds true in relationships as well. I almost titled this post “6 inches makes the difference in relationships” but that certainly could be misinterpreted. Do you best to get that thought out of your mind and let us move on.
Having a successful relationship is not as difficult, or as complicated as many would have you believe. Setting up some great communication and respect is all it really takes. You can have an ordinary successful relationship. My guess is that if you are reading this that would not be enough for you. Someone reading a site called “Secret2anamazinglife” would most likely want an amazing relationship. This is also not as complicated or difficult as you may think. There are a few basic mindset changes to make. By making these mindset changes, you will automatically take actions that will lead to relationships that are deeper, healthier and more productive for both parties.
How do you take your relationships from ordinary to extraordinary? The answer is in the words themselves. How to you change the word ‘ordinary’ to ‘extraordinary’? You simply add a little extra to it. This is exactly how it works in relationships. Perhaps your spouse asks you to stop at the store to pick up an item for them. Why not pick up a little surprise? Do not know what they would like? There is a good place to start, by listening. When they ask you to help them with something, try doing it with a smile and doing a little bit extra.
These may seem like obvious actions to take, but there are more subtle ones as well. As we briefly touched on above, why not practice listening more. This is not listening to respond, but to understand. Listen to learn. Our partners, or any relationship for that matter, will tell us what they like and dislike and what makes them happy and unhappy if only we would listen. Think of all the ability you would have to improve your relationships if you knew the other party’s likes and dislikes? Their favorite movies, books, places to eat, things to do for fun and anything else they would share. This will also make gift giving a lot less stressful for you as well.
Sometimes the extra can be time. Spending that little extra time thinking about the other person. What makes them happy? What can you do to make them happy or to take away some of their stress? One of my favorite things to do is to spend that little extra time thinking about everything you have to be grateful for in regards to this person. Then, you can think about how you would like to express this gratitude. Let me assure you that expressing genuine gratitude for someone and everything they bring to your life is some of the best ‘extra’ you can do. Do not take my word for it. Try it yourself!
Go the little bit extra. Whether that is a little extra silly or creating memories that even get you on the news, put a little extra effort in. That extra will take you from ordinary to extraordinary! On the top of your list should be thinking of what you have to be grateful for and how to express it!
Take a look at all of these items. They are all roughly 6 inches long. For me, the easiest to picture is roughly the length of a pen. Not very big at all. This can be the difference between being a decent human being or making the world that much more difficult for others. Can the length of a pen really make that much of a difference? It can and I would love to share with you how this became evident to me. Forget ‘going the extra mile’. For most of us, all it would take would be 6 inches.
I was out having a wonderful rare afternoon off with my beautiful lady. She wanted to go shopping to look for a few things. The store we went to had the shopping carts just inside the entrance. I had not noticed them on the way in as we took ours from in the parking lot, saving the person bringing them in at least one cart. After we spent some time shopping, I was waiting by the carts while she checked out. What I noticed shocked me. The carts were in the middle of the entrance making it difficult for customers to enter the store. It was not that there were too many. It was because people had pushed them into the general area, but did not push them into each other. The amount each cart would have to have been moved? You guessed it, 6 inches. I strolled over and pushed them all together. It took me less than 2 minutes. The space was clear and people could safely enter the store.
As we left the store, the 6 inch rule held true. It is a busy little strip mall. Including many stores that my lady would love to visit. As you can imagine, there are also a good deal of cars there. It was a brisk day and I am sure many people would have loved to park close to the store. Some may even had difficulty walking. If you looked at some of the cars, they were not quite between the lines. Some a mere 6 inches over. The time it would have took for them to correct this would have been less than a minute. Instead they left their car as it was. This means that the spot next to them would not be available to use. Someone would have to walk further in the cold, or if they had trouble walking, struggle a good distance more. Why? Why do people not go the extra 6 inches?
It can’t be to save time. The parking fix would take less than a minute. For me to arrange all of the carts in the store took less than 2 minutes. Sure, a little bit is due to pure laziness. What the main challenge is, however, is the lack of respect for our fellow humans. We are all agitated when we can’t find a parking spot, but see a few that have been lost due to some unenlightened soul parking 6 inches over the line. Maybe we bang our side on a shopping cart left in the middle of the entrance to the store? All of these moments would take us no time at all and only require us to go the ‘extra 6 inches’.
When we think of changing the world and making it a better place for everyone, we often think of grand gestures. Nobody thinks about putting away their shopping cart or making sure their parking job leaves room for the next person. It is not a little extra effort on your part. It is that little extra respect we can show for our fellow humans. 6 inches can change the world. It can be for the better. It can be for the worse. it is up to us to decide.
In the United States, today we will celebrate Veterans Day. Originally called Armistice Day which was created to celebrate the end of World War I, it was later changed to include all veterans. The purpose is to honor the debt that we all owe to those who have served in the protection of our freedoms and way of life.
What I would like to examine is the often overlooked irony and painful sacrifice that a lot of veterans go through. A man or woman will sign up for the armed forces for many reasons. Most of them involve an ideological, or moral conviction to defend the liberties they are afforded. They believe so strongly in these that they are willing to put their lives on the line to defend them. The irony is that the people who make the decisions to go to war, often do not show these same commitments themselves. The politicians and heads of state can be consumed in a quest for power, or a fit of ego. Still, the faithful soldier will go to battle to defend his country and his family.
The hard truth is that many of them never stop fighting. I am not talking about serving in the military until they die. No, many retire and can be haunted by what they saw or even had to do in battle. Some struggle openly. Some struggle silently. They are never free of their demons even if they choose not to show them. This can result in addictions to drugs, alcohol or nightmares that never go away. In this country, every 22 minutes a veteran will take their own life. Some never even spoke about the pain they were experiencing.
If you have a chance when you are out remember to thank a veteran for their service. Not just today, but every day. You may not agree with wars they have fought, and they might not have either, but they served for a belief to defend all that we hold dear. In anyway that you can, reach out to donate to, or even help at, agencies that serve veterans. These could save the life of one of the veterans we lose every 22 minutes. They served with spirit to help us.We owe them the same help.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 