Far be it from me to advise you what to do while you are in the shower. That seems a little invasive from someone you may have never met on the other side of the screen. This meditation might be another secret we could all add to help us reach that amazing life. Developing rituals that lead us in the direction we wish our life to go will be something discussed in depth in my next book. Until that is released, allow me to share this idea with you.
Showering is something we all hopefully do on a regular basis. Why not turn this experience into one that refreshes our soul and spirit? Picturing, and feeling, all of this happen can really give us a change in attitude. I often say when stuck around people who have a ‘sunshine challenged’ attitude that I need to take a shower. This is metaphorical, but I guess does not have to be. Showers are cleansing physically, why not mentally and spiritually as well?
Take the time you spend in the shower to mentally disconnect for a while. It is warm, you are by yourself, you can’t really hear much. If you have a shower speaker, maybe some meditative music would be nice. Picture all of the negativity of the day being washed off you and going down the drain. Feel your energy being renewed. It may be that little bit of peace you need in the middle of a chaotic day,
There are many other cleansing rituals that people do that can work as well. In Native culture there is smoke from smudge or sage that is used to cleanse spiritually. That are people who go to special mineral baths to bath in. Showers are nice because most of us use them on a regular basis. It might be fun to employ this same thinking next time you are caught in the rain as well. The waters could be washing all of the negative energy in your life away. By the time you arrive home, your clothes may be heavier, but your spirit will be lighter.
Last post we discussed how we can recapture a little of the excitement of youth by remembering how cool things we used to do in treehouses and blanket forts were and comparing them with what we can do in our own homes. We ended that post by observing that our appreciation for the simple things tends to fade as we grow older. We do not find hiding in a blanket fort with our love as exciting as landing in Jamaica, or wherever our choice vacation destination is. Obviously, there are many more benefits to traveling to a luxury resort in a tropical paradise. Especially if you live in the freezing climate like my lady and I do.
What I am about to share with you is a very powerful secret to not only an amazing life, but an amazing relationship. Sit down, get comfy, but pay close attention. Using this secret will both deepen your connection with your partner and increase the amount of joy you experience on those tropical getaways. The best part we haven’t even mentioned. It will have you experiencing more joy on a daily basis. How about that for something amazing? You will grow closer to your partner, those special moments will feel more magical and you will experience more peace and joy in your heart daily. Does that sound like something you might be willing to give a try?
The answer lies in what we do in those seemingly little moments. I say ‘seemingly’ because that is how we view them. They are, however, the basis of what makes our life what it is. If you wait to bring magic to your relationship until there is a special occasion, what are you doing the rest of the time? Les Brown said there are very few couples who are living together. Most of us are just dying together. That is an uncomfortable truth. Do you spend your days arguing about who is going to make the bed or take out the garbage? Try making the bed together while talking about how great it will be to snuggle together in it later. When you take out the garbage, ponder how amazing it is that you can afford all the the things that generate this refuse and send a feeling of gratitude that there is someone who takes care of that garbage for you.
You may be thinking to yourself, “Yeah right. Happy making the bed and taking out the garbage?” It might sound far fetched, but stop and think for a minute. How happy would you be to make your own bed after being homeless? Can you even imagine being homeless? How about having to dig a pit and bury your refuse in your back yard. How long would you like to do that? Here is the million dollar secret in case you have missed it. Why should you even put fourth effort to find the joy and magic in these ordinary tasks? Simple. You do them every damn day. The difference between feeling like you are being dragged to do something you do not want to do verses something that you get to do and finding the joy in it, can transform the way your life feels on a daily basis!
One of the areas that I have found can be mined for joy and drawing closer to your partner is the grocery store. Watching what hot sauce they pick out and enjoy so you can surprise them with it at a later date. Talking about what kind of meals you would like to make together, or maybe picking out a new food to try together. That can be fun! That is not to say that every trip to the grocery store will be a magical experience. Margie and I have distinctively different shopping techniques and when we are tired and overworked this can lead to not so magical moments. It is then that having the experience of how to make it magical is more important than ever.
Here is the added bonus. When you learn to appreciate all the small moments in life, the big ones become even more magical. Take that view leading to the beach in the lower right corner. Truly a beautiful sight. Taking the time to hold my lady’s hand and experience it together, that made it more magical. The pigs in the upper left corner? We swam with them in the ocean and then fed them on shore. Watching my love interact with them and sharing our adventures with each other gave us memories for years to come. These are not things that happen overnight. Working on communication and relating to each other allowed us to better appreciate the moment together. That made the trip, and our time together on it, even more magical.
These two events play off of each other. What we learn in discovering the magic of daily life helps us to better appreciate our exciting time away. We also take lessons we learn on vacation home with us. When something doesn’t quite turn out like we thought (say our relaxing sunset cruise turns into an adventure straight out of Deadliest catch) we usually recoup back at our hotel room and say, “At least I get to be here with you.” That lesson holds true when we are spending an evening at home. A blizzard may have shut down the city and maybe the furnace is out. Still I will look out from under the blanket we are huddled together under and say, “At least I get to be here with you.”
Do you remember having a tree house as a kid? I was never fortunate enough to have one of my own, but I did have a few friends who had some. They were often simple affairs. If we didn’t have access to tree houses, we built little forts. Often deep in a park or woods away from adults who could correct all the terribly unsafe things we were doing. When we didn’t have access to, or it was just too cold to venture out to a park, we made forts inside the house. Again, simple affairs that were added on to as long as they continued to exist. They sure could be exciting!
On the way to write today, for some reason those memories popped in my head. Ever one to mine ways in which we can capture some of that seemingly long-lost passion and zeal for life, I pondered what made them so exciting. I recall my friend Jeremy’s ‘tree house’. It wasn’t actually in a tree. His father built it in their huge garage. It still was a little hideaway where we could hold court. I remember putting up posters of bands we liked. Probably a few of girls we liked as well. Hey, we were young teenage boys. When we got a radio we searched to put it in just the right place where it would blast the most sound. We even set an alarm that would alert us when an adult might be approaching. Not that I recall doing anything too outlandish in that abode.
Blanket forts, though not as elaborate, were equally exciting. Just the fact that they were separate. It was our domain. We could arrange them as we see fit. We could picture ourselves anywhere. Even then, this helped me on a cold Wisconsin winter. We could escape to a corner of the fort that was set aside as a time machine and could travel anywhere we wanted. We could decorate it anyway we thought looked cool. When that no longer suited us, we could tear it down and start all over again.
Where is all of this going? Am I going to tell you to go home and build a fort with blankets? Well….that is not entirely a bad idea. If that is not to your liking, there is something that we can take away from all of this that will help us regain some of that youthful enthusiasm for life.
When we were discussing the treehouses and forts, we mentioned all of the things kids do to make them ‘cool’. I mentioned putting up pictures of bands and things that made us excited to be alive. Well, who says the pictures in your house have to be limited to family and flowers? Put up a picture, or some other work of art, that speaks to your spirit. Every time you pass it, you will get that little jolt of excitement. Can you imagine how that might impact your life? How about finding the radio that I mentioned? We put in our earbuds when we are struggling to breathe on the treadmill, but there is something to be said about turning up some tunes and rocking out in your living room.Added bonus if it is a song you liked from your youth.
As far as alarms to let you know someone is coming, we have those too. Some of us have ring cameras we can check on our phones even while we are miles away. Most of us at least have a deadbolt. Not the most exciting, but if we picture that kid in the treehouse every time we turn the lock, it can seem just that little bit more exciting. It is this very change in perception that can help us recapture some of our passion for life. Our houses are our adult treehouses. Remember the place for a time machine I mentioned? Well, do you have a place you set aside to relax or meditate? If not, could you have one? You could close your eyes and pretend you are somewhere else. This could come in really handy after a tough work day.
The sad truth is that our appreciation for the simple things in life tends to fade as we grow older. Hiding in a blanket fort with those we love seems less exciting and we are waiting for a tropical vacation. Please do not misunderstand me. I am all for a tropical vacation. What many of us fail to realize is that by developing our appreciation for the small things, it only increases our gratitude for the seemingly big things. That is a thought we will continue tomorrow.
Several years ago, Margie and I discovered a musician we both really enjoyed. Not only was his music fun to listen to, but his lyrics were both meaningful and positive. They encouraged social change, acceptance of everyone and loving those you are with. Ideals Margie and I also do our best to live up to. As he released albums we purchased them and listened to them on repeat. We went to saw him in concert a few hours away and even had the chance to meet him.
Fast forward to today. That artist is now standing accused of grooming a young musician he was on tour with among other things. Whether he is guilty or not is not for me to decide. The sad thing is that he admitted having an affair with this woman, claiming it was consensual. Whether it was or not, I am sure will be decided either in the courts, or the court of public opinion. What is sad, and by his own admission true, is that he had an ongoing affair with this woman while his wife and kids were supporting him at home.
This is not a point a finger and judge type post. What happened is between him, that woman and his wife. The creator has not put me in a position to judge others actions.The sad part of this for me is that his lyrics, that are so powerfully written fall flat listening to them now. Preaching about loving those you care about while having an affair seems rather hypocritical. It also gives the cynics and the people who want to convince the world how bad things are more ammunition. Where this man once stood as a beacon to prove that there is a human who is loving, accepting and a model of what is decent as a human being, now there stands a man who has given into pleasure over promise.
What happens next in this situation is certainly up to this musician. We all have flaws. None of us live in glass houses. The danger lies in projecting an image you are not true to yourself. Not only is it a disappointment for all who look up to you, but it is terribly self-destructive in the quite moments when we are alone with our conscious. Before you think that you are immune to this because you are not rich and famous, not so fast. Many people still look up to us. If you are a parent, you have your children. There are your friends and family. Your coworkers often rely on you for inspiration. Maybe the stranger that takes your order at the coffee shop admires your patience and compassion. It could be you that gives a server in a restaurant hope that not all people are demanding, entitled fools.
We all slip from time to time. I do you, you do and so did this musician. What is a real test of our character is what we do after we slip. Will we own up to our mistakes and use them to make us a stronger more resilient soul? Will we deflect blame and try to lie our way out of it? This man has sure lost a lot of respect from many people. His message seems a little harder to believe. What he does now can either further erode that reputation, or help to gain it back. The same is true when we do not live up to the standards we put out and hold ourselves to. It is my sincerest wish for not only this musician, but for all of us when we stumble, that in the grace given by others we will find the strength to rise once again and learn to be an even better version of ourselves.
Last post we mentioned the quote from Tony Robbins that “What is wrong is always available. So is what is right.” Some of us have a challenge developing a grateful mindset. Doing so is the secret to living an amazing life. One of the easiest ways of doing this is to look around at the lives of those less fortunate. We do not have to look very far. The news is full of tragedy of both a personal and geographical nature. It blows my mind how upset with life some people can be. They lament how unfair life is or how hard they have it. If you can read these words, you have it better than millions of others. You are literate. That means you have the potential to learn just about anything. You have access to the internet. Which again means you can learn just about anything.
Gandhi’s thought above is a really bold statement. The late Greg Plitt, who continues to inspire, said “If you feel unmotivated to change your life, take a walk through the cancer ward at a children’s hospital.” That is an uncomfortable statement. The reason that it is so uncomfortable is that it forces us to realize how much greater our challenges can be. This is not to say whatever you are going through is not tough. Many of you are facing challenges greater than anything I have ever faced. It just reminds us that there are others who are struggling worse than us and could use our support and compassion.
Sticking with the gent from India, this is a great next step. When we see those folks who remind us that our situation could be worse. We should reach out and lend a hand. It is what will not only make their challenge a little less. It will help us gain the knowledge that even in our most challenging of times, we can be of service to others. We not only can be, but we should be. It is in doing so that we often discover our greatest gifts and talents. This can give us the confidence and purpose to make it through our own challenges. It is a win/win situation. It is how the world should be.
Last post we discussed the ever approaching and uncertainty of death. Not a really chipper subject, but one that should give us a sense of urgency to enjoy life now. That is what I would like to discuss with you today. How many of us put off enjoyment? The ever present “I will be happy when ___” way of thinking. What if we never make it to when? Again, not a very cheery thought, but one that deserves consideration. We may never get a shot at this merry-go-round of life.
Here is a great example – vacation! When we are on vacation, like my lovely lady and I were in the picture above, we are sure to make the most of it. “We might never get back here again. Let us enjoy it.” We say to each other. The truth is that the same might be said of any moment of your life. Our favorite restaurant that has been there forever may close unexpectedly tomorrow. The beautiful park we enjoy walking through may be turned into condos any day now. Our friends may move away and our loved ones may pass away. All of these moments are possible and at some point will happen.
This is all beginning to sound a little doom and gloomy. The question all of this begs us to ask ourselves is, “How are you spending this minute?” Tony Robbins has a great line, “What is wrong is always available. So it what’s right.” What are you focused on? Are you focused on how much of a hurry you are in and how inconvenient the long line at the grocery store is? You could be focused on how grateful you are that you do not have to hunt for your food or farm for it. Not only would that take a great deal longer, but success is not guaranteed. Either path is certainly justified and understandable. The fact remains one of them leads to a more enjoyable life. We should work to enjoy as many moments in life as we can. We might as well. We will never get them back again.
We all know people who are angry most of the time. Why? Do they know how good they have it? Yes, I am sure their lives could be better. Yes, we all have legitimate challenges and reasons to be disenfranchised. Still, we all have reasons to be grateful and full of joy and love. All we have to do is look around us and see those that are less fortunate and could use our help. Oh wait, we are getting into tomorrow’s post again,
This post comes out on a Monday. Back at work for most of us. We are busy working to keep the lights on and the bills paid. Before we know it, the week is over and we are exhausted. Socrates, and by the way of this post myself, are here to tell you not to forget the things that truly matter. I cannot convey my dismay at how many of us spend our lives majoring in minor things. I am not judging. I am guilty of this far too often myself.
This life we are given is a great gift. If we are not enjoying it, we are wasting it. You might be saying, “Neil, you do not know my situation. I cannot enjoy life right now.” You are right. I do not know your situation. There is one thing that I am sure of when if comes to your life, even if we have never met. That is that your life, and the lives of those you share it with are growing shorter by second. Each and every one of us will leave this beautiful planet and we have no idea when. It seems as we get older, or maybe face a serious medical condition, our urgency to live a life that matters increases. That is why you see so many people contemplating their own lives at a funeral of a loved one. It serves as a reminder that life is shorter than we think.
This thought of ever approaching, and uncertain, death is not to scare you. Quite the contrary. It is to motivate you. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest. Even situations that are not ideal. Your job may not be the one of your dreams. Personally, I am still waiting to host a talk show. Even in that job you can practice gratitude and find the joy. It can be your coworkers. It can be the interactions you have with the public or the opportunity to make their day a little brighter.
We pass by so much beauty and so many miracles on a daily basis it is beyond comprehension. Take walking by a beautiful tree. Have you ever stopped to think about how many years it took that tree to get to the stage it is now? What did it all need and have to go through? How many storms did it weather? Years of growth, fighting wind, rain and perhaps scorching sun. Still, here you are able to stand in its shade. Too obscure of a reference for you? Let us look at another one.
Working with the public is a challenge. I have done it my whole life. When you come to a coffee shop and the lady behind the counter greets you with a smile, do you know how hard that might be? Any smile we are given, whether by stranger or friend, is a tremendous gift! Think of what a smile means. Despite the challenges that person is facing, and we all are facing some challenge, they wanted to share a gesture of joy and acceptance with us. They could have thought of the crazy state of the world and scowled. They could have been overcome with grief and looked at us with tears in their eyes. Which are both gifts as well. Someone being brave enough to share their inner-most thoughts and emotions. Are you beginning to see how we are missing so much in life?
Aside from stopping and staring pensively at a tree, which might not be a bad idea, how can we begin to appreciate all of these miracles and beauty we are missing? There is a clue in the question. Appreciation. When we stop to be grateful for things, it not only adds joy to our lives, it helps us be a more appreciative and loving person. Who wouldn’t want to be around someone like that? Think of the plants in the islands in the middle of the street. Most of us pay them little, if any, attention as we drive by. While it is smart to keep your eyes on the road, a glance in their direction would serve us well. Can you imagine how dull and lifeless the street would look without them? This is just one example.
Another suggestion is to try and be present as much as you can. In the middle of a walk, stop and take a deep breath and soak up the moment. Who you are with. What is around you. You can combine this with finding something to be grateful for. I was behind a lady at the supermarket who was obviously in a hurry and was not keen to wait in the line we were in. That is understandable. How lucky were we that we were both able to afford groceries and that there were some there to purchase? In many places of the world this is not the case. We did not have to hunt or farm. We were not living in an impoverished country. Yes, long lines at the grocery store are not fun. Do you know what is worse? Wasting time being upset about being there. I am getting ahead of myself. We will talk more about that tomorrow.
This picture was taken August 9th at the Wisconsin State Fair. My mother and I were enjoying what was supposed to be the second last day of the fair. It is one of my favorite places. In fact, I have attended every year since 1975 and every day since 1996. At the time rain began to fall and everyone was told it was going to be a passing storm. We, like so many others, waited for the rain to pass. What happened next nobody expected. It has since been referred to as a 1000 year flood. The effect to the community was unprecedented.
The day after revealed many horrors. Business were flooded. There was an apartment structure that had underground parking. More than 30 cars were seen floating in over 10 feet of water. This was for a building not located on a flood plain. There were so many personal struggles as well. People’s basements flooded. Some even had their foundations crumble. Above are pictures from my friend Ricky’s house. Ricky is not only the owner of the local gym, Peak Physique, he also is part of many community groups. You can see the level of water that was outside his house and everything they lost. Him and his wife were forced to move out of their house while it has to be completely redone.
Their story is not unique, but certainly devastating. Insurance for Ricky, as well as for many others, simply is not offering much assistance. It was painful to see so many of our friends, family and citizens of our great city struggle so greatly. The rain continued to fall off and on for the next several days making clean up even more of a challenge. As the news began to come out about all of the tragedy suffered in our community, a wonderful thing started to happen. It reminded me of something one of the most famous neighbors of all time said.
As dawn broke the following day, the damage became apparent. Many people had lost power. Some even lost homes and cars from which they could get power. Then, the response came. Not from FEMA or some other agency, but from fellow friends and neighbors. Two bars, Brass Monkey and Brass Boar’s Den opened up early with free coffee, Wi-Fi and places for people to charge their laptops, phones or just gather. One business, I sadly forget which one, offered bagged lunches for people who needed them and people who were helping others. The owner of a bakery, Bishop Sweets, even offered to help people that needed it. Another bakery, Storytime Sweets, gave away free treats to those affected by flood damage. Just to brighten their spirits.
There were also numerous gofundme pages set up to help those across the community. People chipping in whatever they could to help people just like Ricky and his wife Leah. I will include a link to the gofundme hub if you would like to help someone on the list. Although donating to help each other was certainly something that was both needed and appreciated, people found another wonderful way to help support their neighbors in this time of need. There was an incredible swelling of community spirit.
The way in which they decided to help was to support many of the businesses that were affected. I mentioned that Ricky owned the gym Peak Physique. Many people looked to sign up, or stopped by the gym to see how they could help or what Ricky and his wife need. They even have a ‘Biggest Loser’ fall challenge coming up that would allow many to experience the gym and all it has to offer. People supported those who were supporting others. People began buying desserts from Bishop Sweets. They stopped and had a cocktail or food at Brass Boar or Brass Monkey. Things that we all can do to help our community stay strong and not only make it through this challenge, but grow stronger because of it!
When a community is hit by a flood the ‘sink or swim’ is not only literal, but also metaphoric. I was so proud to see so many come together and display the sense of community that makes this city great. If you care to be one of the ‘helpers’ mentioned in the quote above, feel free to click the link below or go and support local businesses like Peak Physique or any others. They could all use your support, both financial and emotional. That is what makes us all great neighbors.
Imagine seeing a man wearing such a hat walking down your street. This man, Steve, lived in my city and quite often walked the streets wearing this hat and often dressed in the most outlandish outfits. Many people were cruel and mocked him as he walked past. Some shouted mean and hurtful things as they drove past him. None of them asked him about his hat or why he dressed as he did. In fact, very few actually stopped to get to know the man in the hat.If you asked people in the city if they knew of the man in the crazy hat, most of them would say “Yes!” If you further asked them what his name was, they would be silent. One person even told me, “Why would I want to talk to a crazy person like that?”
His name was Steve. I had the pleasure of sharing a breakfast with him at a charity event. Not only was he not crazy, he was polite, insightful and kind. He had a chemistry degree and held several patents. The story behind the hat and the outfits is a rather personal and tragic one. Although that is what the majority of people wanted to know, it actually was one of the least remarkable things about this man. Most people wanted to know, “Why does he wear the hat?” Very few stopped to ask, “Who is the man under the hat?” If they had, they would have met a caring and soft-spoken man who was enjoyable to talk to.
In today’s world we can be quick to judge without knowing the story behind the person. It reminds me of a story that the author Stephen Covey shared. He was on the subway with a man whose children were running wild and the man just sat there doing nothing. The kids were running, yelling and jumping. Can you imagine yourself in Stephen’s situation? How frustrating would that be? You are just trying to get where you are going meanwhile these children are misbehaving and their father seems to either not notice or care. Finally, Stephen had enough and said to the man that he should do something about his children. The man looked up with tears in his eyes and said, “I am sorry you are right. We just came back from the hospital where their mother died. They really don’t know how to act right now and neither do I.” Guess how Stephen felt then?
Whether it is children running crazy on a subway, or a man who walks around in a crazy hat and outfits, let us seek to understand instead of judge. Something that life will always remind us of is that none of us have all the answers. We all have our quirks and faults. If our life was to be laid bare and our skeletons let out of the closet, we would be praying that nobody judged us. Let us afford each other the same courtesy.
It is Friday and the last thing most of us want to hear about is any type of work to be done. That is understandable. In this quote, however, lies the key to any kind of progress we wish to make. Many of us seek the mystical path. We are looking for the latest life hacks. We read all of the metaphysical books and do all of the meditations. There is nothing wrong with any of that. I do many of those things myself.
Here is the truth about how to make progress in any endeavor. I warn you, it is not sexy or exciting. There are no complicated formulas to master or spells to cast. You do not have to wonder in the woods naked during a full moon. Consequently, you will not have to apply anti-itch medicine to your body the day after the full moon, but I digress. The secret is that progress comes from daily, consistent action. Common sense huh? It may be, yet how many of us search for a fad diet instead of eating healthy daily or taking daily physical exercise?
Before I lose you all together with the diet and exercise thing, let me assure you that it is ok to look for shortcuts or life hacks. Here is the caveat to that. Look for those shortcuts while you are putting in the daily effort. You may be shocked to find the level of improvement that can be mastered by daily action. Most people underestimate the change they can achieve by doing this. We are not talking about spending the entire day in the gym every day. We are not talking about living on brown rice and chicken breast. What we are saying is that you put in some effort, daily, towards your goal. Take this blog for example. Some days I write several posts. Like I am doing today. Some days I just share ones that I have written the day before. Some are devoted to marketing this site to new people and markets. There is daily effort towards putting out the best product. What goals are you working on that could be moved along with daily effort? Are you putting it in?
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 