Month: February 2025

BEFORE IT IS LOST…😢

We have reached the end of the shortest month that to me feels the longest. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes, “How long 3 minutes is depends on what side of the bathroom door you are on.” So many things in our lives can seem like they will last forever, yet are gone in the blink of an eye. I can think of no greater example of that then the people we care about. It may feel like they will always be in our life until one day they are gone forever. In my own life, I have lost 3 relatives in the first 2 months of this year alone. You never know when this may happen,

That brings us to the point of today’s post. Appreciating the elders, and everyone really, in our life. Our elders have a wealth of real-world knowledge that can only be gained through living. You may be tempted to roll your eyes when you hear grandpa tell you the same story, perhaps even more embellished, that you have heard 100 times before. Fight that urge. In addition with his ability to tell a great tale, he is sharing his opinion on what it was like to live in the time he was alive. Listen when old ones give you advice. It may seem crazy at the time, but it is often time that will show you the true wisdom behind what they have told you.

Here is a picture of my beautiful lady and I. Our love is going strong and we fall more in love every day, even 10 years later. One of the secrets to this successful relationship was given to me by my grandfather. The ironic thing is that he passed away many years before I even met this beautiful lady. How did he manage to influence our relationship? He gave me some advice when I was younger that I did fully appreciate until I found myself in love with this wonderful lady. My grandparents were married quite a long time. My grandmother had several health struggles and that, on occasion, stressed her relationship with my grandfather. I often marveled at how he was able to handle her complaints with a knowing grin, shake of the head and keep on smiling. One day I asked him the secret to a lasting relationship. He told me the secret he found was “To bend but don’t break.”

As a young man this advice didn’t really sink in. As an adult, I understood it meant to be willing to compromise on many issues, but stand up for what you really value. In our relationship, Margie and I work to do this. Knowing you will have to work with your partner to keep both of you happy is very important. It is also important to properly communicate values that are important to you to your partner. My grandfather passed this along to me many years ago, but it has gone a long way to helping me grow a beautiful love with a beautiful lady.

How about you? Has there been advice that you have learned from your elders that has made a big difference in your life? Do you find yourself really listening to, and taking in all of the wonderful knowledge and examples that your elders are passing along? This could be advice like my grandfather gave me. It can also be recipes, examples on how to treat others or a million of other different things. Just remember to appreciate them now. When they are gone, it is often too late to learn what we always wanted to know.

DON’T WORRY, START TODAY! 🤗

The month is almost over. How are those resolutions coming? If that last question made you cringe, do not worry. It can be very difficult to not fall victim to bad habits. You may be thinking that you messed up this year. We are merely 1/6th of the way through it. Even if you find yourself reading this in your later years regretting things you have not done in your life, it is not too late. Just like the quote from the great stoic above, the life you have lived up to this point is over.

Wherever we are currently starting from, it is a beginning to live our life like we should. The time we have left only matters in so far as what we do with it. You might want to read that last line again. Whether it is 2 months, 2 years or 2 decades, you have an opportunity. That is the gift of waking up today. You have a chance to brighten someone’s day who is struggling. You have the chance to lighten someone else’s load in life. You have a chance to begin to improve yourself. You may not think you will reach the finish line, but you can inspire others with how you run the race.

The ‘reset button’. What a good way to look at this. We always have the option to reset. Whether we slipped off our goals after 2 months, or we are working on fixing behaviors that we have practiced for decades. Resetting and working on improving should be an exciting and life-long pursuit. This should not seem like something to dread. The fact that there is no finish line in the world of self-improvement does not mean that you never get to celebrate. It means that no matter how amazing your life, relationships, health and career are, they is always a way to make them at least a little bit better. This should excite you. Celebrate the small wins along the way. As for defeats or stumbles, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again,

GET LOST… FOR YOUR OWN GOOD 👍

For a man who has a heart that belongs in the tropics, but lives where winter lasts about 9 months, this is a very real possibility. Every morning (between 4am and 5am) when I am on the way to work thoughts like this pass through my mind. I routinely pass a little diner that Margie and I love going to. The thought often pops into my mind, “I could just pull over, call into work and have a nice plate of French toast.” Then I think of how I need to work to be able to afford French toast and I drive on.

Last post we spoke about how I often use my morning commute to focus on what is beautiful in my life and what I have to be grateful for. Couple this with noticing things on my route that I may have missed or failed to appreciate, and you can see how it can start your day with the right attitude. There is also something else I do on occasion that seems to help maintain my sanity during the gloomy days of winter, so I would like to share it with all of you. Do note, it does not have to be gloomy, or even winter, to use this method.

Above is a picture of me. Note the layers I am wearing for winter. I am lost in thought. This was taken during a brief break during a writing session. If I recall correctly, I was enjoying the sunset and remembering watching the sunset over the ocean with the love of my life on vacation. It was a good relaxing moment. That is all it was, a moment. I take several of these throughout the day. It helps keep the stress level low and put a smile on my face. On the drive home, you can find me imagining all of the bare trees on either side of the road are palm trees and I am driving back to my villa overlooking the ocean. Just getting into that feeling and imagining what it would be like helps me escape from the snow, if only briefly.

I invite you to also take these mini mental vacations. Get lost in your thoughts for a while. Just make sure to keep your eyes on the road, or wait until a stop light to do so. Take moments to reflect on happy times in your life that you had, or that you are looking forward to having. It will give your brain that few seconds it could use to diffuse and reboot. It will help all of the challenges not seem so bad. I would love to hear about some of your favorite mental escapes.

NOT ORDINARY, A SECRET! 🙊

This is one of the great secrets to living an amazing life. With such focus on ‘finding happiness’, many people forget to look in one of the most obvious places. That hiding place is their own life. You might be thinking that cannot be true of your own life. You would be wrong. Even if your life is full of challenges right now, which would include 90% of us, you still can find a great deal of happiness you are missing. It can be found in things that we think are ordinary. The words that follow may sound cliche, but I urge you to stop and ponder them.

When you think of all of the things getting in your way of being happy, does it frustrate you? Do you have a strong desire just to live a more fulfilling and happy life? I think we all do. What if I were to tell you that one of the major obstacles to lasting happiness in your life is…well…you! More specifically, your mind and its tendency to be a little lazy. We are exposed to so many different bits of information that our mind (more to the point, our reticular activating system) has to filter out what is important and what is not. This can be very helpful when looking for possible danger and challenges. It can be a detriment when trying to fill our hearts with happiness.

Right now, we could be focused on a million different things. How the air feels on our skin. How different articles of clothing feel resting on our skin. How the light is casting shadows in the room. How deep we are breathing. Most of these we just take for granted. If we tried to notice everything we would go insane in a relatively short period of time. Normally, our brains are on the lookout for things that need improvement at the moment. We are just wired that way. What if, you began to balance that by adding a question you periodically ask yourself. One question that could change your life entirely. One question that could help balance the scales and begin to bring more joy and inner peace into your life.

This magical question is simply, “What can I enjoy in this situation?” There are many versions of this. You could also ask, “What is beautiful in my life right now?” Look at the cat in the picture above. It appears to be enjoying the wind, sun or maybe even the smell of tuna in the air. It has stopped to smell the roses, or again, maybe the tuna. We can walk past so many ‘rose bushes’ in our life and never stop to appreciate them. I endeavor to do this on my way to work every morning. I look to notice businesses I may have missed. I notice the plants planted along the streets. I think about the wonderful night I had with my lady, or look forward to what we are going to do after I get off of work. Not only does this change my focus, but it starts my mind in a positive state on the way to work.

One great thing about doing this is that it becomes second nature after a while. When you get into the habit of asking yourself what is beautiful or joyous in your life often enough, your brain will start to do it on its own. How long this takes will depend on your own situation. It may help to start by designating a time to ask yourself this every day. Just like my morning commute. Yours could be asking what went beautiful in your day before you fall asleep. This will not only help you get better rest, but will set your day ahead up for success. Even if you had challenges that day, those are beautiful. They can often help you appreciate the challenge-free life you might take for granted.

LIFE IS A LOT EASIER IF YOU ARE RICH! 🤑

This should be a no-brainer for most people. Being rich seems like it would add a little joy to life. Not having to get up to go to work. Being able to do what you want, when you want. Not worrying about things like house and car repairs. When you are feeling ill being able to go to the hospital without first weighing the cost that you will incur by doing so. How about dressing nicer or eating at fancy restaurants? Yes, life is a lot better when you are rich. That is not at all what this post is about!

Many of you know that I am currently working on my fourth book. In doing so, I have asked many people their definition of a fulfilling life. Today I asked the person behind the counter at one of the local coffee shops that I frequent when I write. His name is Antonio and he is always a very pleasant fellow. His answer was at once both simple and profound. He said, “Being happy.” After a moment of contemplation, he expounded on that thought and added, “Being happy with your body, with who you are spiritually. Being rich in the important things.” It started me thinking on how we define true wealth.

The thing about the wealth we were talking about is that it is both conditional, and to a large extent, beyond our control. Stock markets crash. Business fail. Droughts and famine happen. Here is another thing about material wealth, it really is a bit down on the list if you stop and think about it. If you work on your wealth to the detriment of your own health, is it worth it? You work day and night and end up with a heart attack. How much is the money worth now? What if you spend all your time chasing material success and do not spend any time investing in your relationships? How could would it feel to be rich and alone? The picture above is a prime example. It shows me and my three book covers. It was taken in sunny Jamaica. It is great to have published 3 books and it is always great to be in the tropics, but if I had nobody to share it with, what fun would that be? The best part of that is the lady who took the picture, my fiancée Margie.

We hear of so many wealthy celebrities who turn to drugs or tragically commit suicide. Many of us ask, “How could they want to kill themselves? They had everything.” This is proof that material wealth does not, by itself, make a fulfilling life. Taking care of our mental health, and the mental health of those we love, is so important. Investing in our physical, mental and spiritual health is where the real wealth comes in. Spending the time to create a deep and loving relationship that will give us joy whether things are hitting the jackpot or hitting the fan is real wealth. Become rich is things the world cannot take away.

There is one more area I want to mention that it pays to be rich in. That area is kindness and compassion. There can be no greater wealth than to be someone who is kind to others. The more you invest in this, the better you will make both your life and those you share it with. Someone who has a heart full of kindness and compassion is someone who is truly rich indeed. Someone who has a heart filled with revenge, greed and disrespect is poor, no matter how many dollars he has in the bank. Become rich in the things that matter. That is what will give you a fulfilling life.

SO YOU THINK YOU ARE GRATEFUL? 🙏

This is an interesting thought. So many people are talking about gratitude and its power to change life. What is ironic is that most people have an interesting definition of what gratitude really is. This was brought home when I was listening to the audiobook, The Magic by Rhonda Byrne the other morning. She said how if people asked her years ago if she was a grateful person she would have told them that she was. Her justification for that answer is that she always thanked people for a gift, or for opening the door for her. When we speak of gratitude here, or when you hear about the power of gratitude, it is far more than that.

Despite what we may have been told growing up, or even what we think currently, thanking people when they do nice things for us is not living gratefully. It is actually just really good manners. There is nothing wrong with that. If we want to discover the true power of gratitude, it has to involve more than that. True gratitude cannot be conditional. A few posts back we discussed how I was choosing to focus on what I had to be grateful for in my life despite the challenges I have currently been experiencing. In doing so, it has help me feel good and enjoy my life so much more. That is the power of gratitude.

How about you? Are you only grateful when conditions give you something to be grateful for? Here is a secret. There is always a condition to be grateful for. Gratitude, like much of life, is a decision. When you want to feel grateful, just look around. There are so many things in our life that we take for granted that we should be so grateful for. Our health for one. Going to work on a Monday morning can be tough, but doing so with a cold is even tougher. We can dread work or be thankful we do not have to deal with a cold while working. Things like sanitation, communication, entertainment choices we have, clean water, a place to live and a million other things. One of the best ways to appreciate things you take for granted is to have them taken away from you. It is rare you will hear someone who used to be homeless complaining about the color of their kitchen walls.

Even in the terrible situation of losing something, we can be grateful that it is bringing to our attention things we might have taken for granted. Even that is something to be grateful for. Here is another secret to an amazing life. Feeling grateful feels amazing! The more we feel grateful, the better the quality of our life will be. Do yourself a favor and start to work on developing an attitude of gratitude today!

IT IS ALWAYS AVAILABLE 🤔

This picture reminds me of a couple of things. First is the fact that for the first time in 4 years, Margie and I will not be going on a nice tropical vacation. Saving for a wedding will do that. Second, and most important for our time together today, is the power behind focus. These people are on the same bus, yet they are focused on two very different scenes. That focus will go a long way to determining the quality of their journey. The same is true in our life. That is why the power of gratitude, and developing an attitude of gratitude is so important.

In my own life, this could not be more true right now. My 2025 has started with these events. My grandmother on my father’s side passed away. Then, I dislocated my shoulder. Shortly there after I got an ear infection. Recently, my younger cousin on my mother’s side passed away. Nobody even knew she was sick. Yesterday, I found out my aunt on my father’s side passed away. All that and it is only February. Not quite the start to the year I would have chosen, but here we are. I could focus on all of this and start to predict what a miserable year I was having. If we looked at the facts, I could be excused for thinking and saying so.

While all of those above facts are true, here is some other things that are true as well. With the passing of my one cousin, I have reconnected with another cousin. I was able to purchase a new car which has made not going on vacation a little more tolerable. My health has rebounded and with therapy I am getting better every day. My beautiful lady and I continue to make progress planning our wedding for next year. Finally, there are words typed out to start the fourth book I have been working on for years. With any luck, it will even be published later this year. These facts are also true and are what I am deciding to focus on.

This is not me being ignorant to the fact that there is a good amount of challenging circumstances that have occurred in my life so far this year. It is just that I am choosing to focus on the ones that reflect all the blessings and good fortune I am grateful enough to have. I am choosing to be like our friend in the bus looking out the window. Yes, it is a choice. What wrong is always available. What right is also available to focus on as well.

Some may view that as ‘sticking your head in the sand’ or ‘looking at the world through rose-colored glasses’. As if it were somehow cheating hardship. The opposite is the truth. It takes more work to look for and focus on the positive. Especially when there can be so much negativity and chaos occurring around you. Being able to say confidently, “Despite all I may be going through, I sure have a lot to be grateful for.” takes a lot of courage and resilience.

Remember the axiom, “Where focus goes, energy flows.” What we focus on determines how we feel. How we feel determines the quality of our lives.

NEW AGAINST OLD, YOU AGAINST YOU 🥊

This is one of those reminders that we do not like to get. I recall, in my own life, how this hit home. Looking back, there were a lot of character issues I had. One day while reading a book about Theodore Roosevelt, it occurred to me that I really needed to work on me. For years I had been blaming my behavior on a host of different factors. None of which were the real cause. The real cause was me and the choices I was making at the time. It was the actions I was taking and those I did not take that I should have.

It was at that moment I realized I had to take ownership of my own life. This was at once both scary and liberating. Scary because I had to admit all my past behavior was my fault. Scary because I knew it was up to me to fix all of it. It was at the same time very liberating. When I stopped trying to blame other people and circumstances for my situation, it meant I also had the power to fix it. Different decisions could be made. Different actions taken, or not taken as the case may be.

Some of you might be in the same situation. Your life is not all that you know it could be. It is far too easy to blame our upbringing, our grumpy boss, our controlling spouse or our seeming lack of opportunity. If you trace all of those circumstances back far enough, you will see that they have the same common denominator – you. Taking responsibility for your own life can be scary. As stated above, it can also be very liberating. It is up to you to change your habits, routines and decisions. Rest assured this will be a struggle. It will be tempting to fall back into old habits. The old version of you will not want you to change. It will take work and it will be a never-ending battle. By fighting that battle, you gain the ultimate freedom. That is control of your own life.

TIME TO STEP UP! 🤑

Many of us hide our true goals and ambitions from the world for fear of what they might think. It is time to ask yourself, it what ways have you been playing small? Why have you been doing so? In what ways might your world benefit from being who you truly are and chasing what it is that you really want?

YOU MATTER ALL OF THE TIME ⏰️

Here is a very important message all of us need to see. Yes, you reading this matter. It does not matter if you just accomplished the biggest goal of your life, or just made the biggest mistake of your life. You matter. If you are on top of the world, how you treat others who might not be there yet, or who can do nothing for you can tell a great deal of your character. Plus, how great does it feel when someone you think is further along in life than you, stops to compliment, encourage or help you? I know that makes a world of difference to me. You also serve as an example of how hard work and perseverance pays off. That could really help the determination of others who are struggling.

What about when you are seemingly on the bottom of the world? You may have messed up at work? Perhaps you made a mess of things at home? You certainly matter then. How you manage to treat people when you are hurting or struggling will not only speak volumes about your character, but inspire others. How valued do you feel when you know someone is really hurting but they still go out of their way to be nice or support you? You not only feel really loved, but your opinion of that person goes through the roof. When my beautiful lady still puts together a delicious meal even after a long day of making cakes, it has me loving her, and appreciating her more than ever.

When you are down on your luck, how you pick yourself up, and dust yourself off, can really inspire others. It also happens to be a great jazz song, but that is beside the point. We love reading stories of people who were down on their luck and came back. Why not have your story be one of them. Not only will you inspire those who know and love you, but looking back you may just inspire yourself.

You see, no matter who you are, or where your life is at, you matter. You can make a big difference and you can inspire others and yourself. Never give up. As cliche as it may sound, rock bottom makes a great foundation to build upon. Many great stories started with a very tough beginning. Yours may be the next great story.