By this time tomorrow we will be in a new year. The quicker we come to grasp the thought above, the better that year will be. The quicker we take full responsibility for our own life, the quicker we will be able to make the changes necessary to go from striving to thriving. If we are truly serious about improving our life and changing what isn’t working there are two things we must do first. We must be honest and clear about what isn’t working in our lives. If we say on occasion we don’t eat the best, when in reality our 4 food groups are ice cream, pizza, chips and beer, we will not stick with the change. Even if you have a map, you cannot get where you are going if you are not clear on where you are starting from.
That leads us to our second step. We have to become disgusted with where we are. If you want to get in shape in the new year, but the 30 extra pounds you are carrying around doesn’t bother you that much, let’s be honest, it is not likely you will stick with the change. We must demand better of ourselves. We must fully desire the best version of ourselves. We cannot do it for the money, for the opinion of others or for significance. No, we must be unwilling to accept our current state in life. Change your inner dialogue to one that drives and motivates you. Create a powerful ‘why’ that will carry you through on days you might not want to take action.
It is important to know that the only one with the power to save us in the New Year, is the person staring back at us in the mirror. If you put the power to do so in the hands of others, you are sure to be disappointed. Nobody should care more about your life than you. It is time to save ourselves in 2025!
There are several examples of this that we can look at. In 2024 we may have been hurt. We might have been knocked down. None of this could have been our fault. What we must focus on in the new year is what is our responsibility. That is our healing. There is a Latin phrase Amor Fati. It means the love of one’s fate. What we should strive for in the new year is accept what our situation is and learn how to make the best of it. We might not be where we want to be, but we must be honest about where we are. Not quite a best-selling author just yet? Good. You have a chance to learn more about the wonderful worldof book marketing. Perhaps your blog that is followed in over 200 countries is still not in Greenland? Great! There is still room to expand and goals to reach. These examples are purely hypothetical of course.
The point of all of this is to say that we must not curse our fate, but learn how we can improve it. Change our focus from our hurt to our healing. That is how we will make the best of the coming year. 365 days from now we can look back and be grateful for the healing we have experienced. We may still have hurt, we may still have struggle. By changing our focus from hurt to healing, we will be well on the path to inner peace and a more fulfilling life in 2025.
The next 3 days we are going to look at things to get ready before the New Year. Today’s post is about changing our perspective on happiness. Many people spend their lives chasing happiness. It really is a fool’s errand. For one, happiness is usually a reaction to outside circumstances. Joy, on the other hand, is more of an emotional state. Put another way, happiness is a destination, and joy is a way of traveling. What we can do is focus on the setting up situations that create happiness for us. It would be even wiser to focus on what has us feeling joy in our hearts. Let us take a look at a few of these.
During these last 360+ days of posts you may have grown tired of me bringing up a certain topic, but here we go again. What of the greatest ways to not only feel happy, but create inner peace and joy as well, is to foster an attitude of gratitude. The reason gratitude gets so much attention is because it works. Being grateful turns what you have into enough. It helps us frame life in a more positive perspective. Realizing there are many things that are worth celebrating in life. It can conquer fear, anxiety and anger. It can help with depression. Finding a gratitude practice to start in your life would be one of the best things you can do for yourself in the New Year. You could start a gratitude journal. You could fill a photo album of things you are grateful for in your cell phone. That way gratitude is a push button away.
In addition to gratitude, another great way to increase joy in your life is to focus on how you can best serve others. When you increase the amount of joy and smiles in someone else’s life, you cannot help but feel better yourself. The best service usually involves something you are naturally good at or enjoy. If you are a good listener, find a way to help people really be heard. If you are a good baker, fill people’s hearts with joy by filling their stomachs with treats. Help an elderly neighbor with the grass or shoveling snow. Whatever you do, use it to help others and your world will end up a brighter place.
In the coming year, do not waste time chasing joy. Instead, focus on filling your heart and journey with genuine joy. Be grateful. Find ways to serve others. Remember, the more people you bring joy to, the more happy people you will be surrounded with and the more they will want to do the same for you. That way, you will not have to chase happiness, it will naturally come to you.
This weekend as many of us ponder what our New Year resolutions might be, let us frame them in a way that we focus on what we will gain. Want to quit a bad habit such as smoking? Don’t focus on ‘giving up’ cigarettes. Instead, focus on ‘gaining‘ freedom and fresh smelling clothes and better breathing and sense of taste.
Whenever making an adjustment, whether that is a healthy diet, a calm mind or anything else we are looking to accomplish, I suggest focusing on adding a positive instead of eliminating a negative. Social media is a great example of this. Many people say it is too negative. They begin to try to eliminate negative people and sources. Not a bad plan. By simply adding more positive ones, the likelihood they will see negative decreases. This is the same way life works.
Think of healthy eating. If you add eating one healthy meal a day, your stomach will have less room for junk. If you spend more time with positive people, that’s less time you can spend with negative people. Focus on the gains this coming year!
When I was young, I liked the cartoon Mighty Mouse. He would swoop in at the last second with his favors cry, “HereI come to save the day!” After which, he would pretty much do just that. Growing up, that’s what I wanted to be. That’s why I always worked to be the best at whatever I did. I recall winning an award for being Milwaukee’s best bartender. That was cool. I won the ‘Friendliest person in Greendale’ award… twice. Also very nice. Came with a little plaque and flowers. Nominated for best Milwaukee author. That was an honor.
All those were great, but I failed to recognize what all these were a part of. It is the greatest award that any of us pursue, and none of us will be officially recognized for. Sounds great, doesn’t it? That is being the best version of ourselves. It is an award we will chase daily. Sometimes we will come close. We will not get a plaque or flowers. Nobody will hand us a trophy. What we will get is something even more priceless. We will have peace in our mind and our heart knowing that we did the best we could. As they say, an honest man’s pillow is his peace of mind.
The reverse is also true. When we don’t give it our all. When we cut corners. Perhaps we even cheated to get ahead or were dishonest. Yes, we may accomplish the immediate results, but at what cost? That knowledge will continue to eat away at our soul until there is nothing left.
I tip my hat to those brave souls who battle to be their best everyday. Not for recognition or rewards, but for the virtue of it. For the peace of mind and for the example it sets for future generations. Those are the true super heroes. Those are the people who will truly come to save the day.
After all the gifts are open, the gatherings have been had and family and friends have departed, it can seem the holiday cheer has dissipated. Today, however, it’s a good day. We can think of the thoughtful gifts and greetings we received and feel thankful. We can reflect on time spent with family, friends and those we love and careabout with gratitude.
Even after any stressful holiday moments, we can still be grateful we have made it through. Above is one of the coffee mugs I bring to work with me. It is a good reminder that every day is a good day to have a good day. If we search for the positive and that which we are grateful for in every day, it will be a good day. I would love to hear about some of your heart holiday memories from this year.
Here at secret2anamazinglife.com, we are honored and grateful to be followed in over 200 countries and by over 100,000 people. As you can imagine, this covers a wide array of faiths, cultures and beliefs. There is one thing that remains the same. That is our desire that everyone may enjoy this holiday season with their friends, family and those they love. May they be able to do so with health and peace and joy in their hearts. Another firm desire is that those of different beliefs may find the peace and love to honor each other and celebrate together.
In a world that is all to often filled with division and hate, let us use this holiday season to reach out and connect with one another in the spirit of humanity. Although our traditions may differ, we all enjoy time spent with family, friends and loved ones. Let us celebrate this common ground with one another. Share a fun tradition you do with another. Maybe share a dish that you make this holiday with another family or group of friends. Most importantly, greet one another with a spirit of togetherness. May your holiday celebrations be filled with joy and love.
Above is a picture of my family from 40+ years ago. In case you could not decipher, I am the young man in the striped shirt looking so enthused. As many of us prepare to celebrate holiday celebrations of our faiths and traditions, many are concerned with making sure everyone at the celebration is happy and the season full of joy. Some of this is giving gifts that bring joy to the hearts of the receiver. You may think that a self-improvement gent like myself would tell you that gifts do not matter. You would only be half correct. There is a gift that does matter. It is a gift that can make everyone happy and it is one we all can afford.
The above photo is sadly how too many gatherings look these days. Not sure if any of these fine folks would even notice if the person next to them was abducted by an alien or teleported to a different universe. In the first photo, the one of my family, I can tell you that at least 8 of the people are no longer with us and it could be more. This holiday season, one of the greatest gifts you can give your family or friends that you are gathering with is the gift of your presence. There are two very sobering facts to consider. First, it could be the last holiday they are there to celebrate with you. This is not to take some of the joy out of your holiday celebration. Quite the opposite. The only time we are guaranteed is the present. I think of relatives and friends that have passed on and what I would have wanted to ask them or share with them this holiday season. My grandmother’s cooking, my aunt’s wonderful creations and so many more. Enjoy those around you to the fullest. The second sobering fact is that you could be gone next holiday. Scary thought? Yes, but absolutely true. I learned that the hard way with my heart surgery. This could be the last holiday that you can bring humorous stories, uplifting greetings and just general holiday cheer to those around you. Can you imagine if you had just one more chance to express holiday wishes to someone? Look around you. For someone that will be true.
This all may sound a bit somber, and it a way it is, but there is far more behind it. It is an urgency to feel grateful for everyone. Even those relatives that may get on your nerves a little. You will miss them when they are gone. It is an urgency to be present. It may be your last chance to hear someone’s laugh, or to make them laugh. Soak it all in. Be fully present and give the gift of your time, your attention and yourself. These are gifts that everyone loves to receive. These are gifts that bring joy to everyone’s heart.
One of the greatest self-improvement tools are affirmations. They help us access the subconscious mind and improve our inner dialogue. This can be vital as according to research, 70-80% of our inner dialogue can fall into the category of negative criticism. Can you imagine being forced to hang out with someone who talks negatively about you 70-80% of the time? That is what most of us do between our own two ears. Changing your inner dialogue can be a tough task. That is why affirmations can be such a helpful tool. As helpful as they are, there are several issues with affirmations.
Some of the greatest challenges of affirmations are the conscious minds disagreement with the statements. If you are repeating “I am full of abundance.” and you are sitting in your broken down car, your brain will be tempted to say, “No you are not! Look at your car.” This is why is is helpful to change it to things like, “Abundance is all around me and flowing to me.” Something your brain can’t argue with. Another way to get around this is using ‘Askfirmations’ which we will address in more detail in a later post. Essentially, it is rephrasing your affirmation as a question. Such as, “Why am I getting more abundant?” “Why do opportunities keep showing up for me?” The reason this works is that if you give the mind a question, it is hard wired to find an answer to it. It is rather like putting your mind to work for you.
Affirmations work best when done consistently. One of the challenges to this is the crazy busy world we live in. How do we remember, and more importantly, dedicate time to doing affirmations? One way to tackle this is to set an alarm on our phone. We do this for a time we can reasonably count on. For 5 minutes we repeat our affirmations. We can do them 5 minutes before bed. Not only will we say them, but the mind will continue to work on them as we are sleeping. Our partner may wonder what we are mumbling on the pillow next to them, but we can just reassure them we are working on creating a better version of ourselves.
My favorite way to do affirmations is to work them into things we do everyday already. One opportunity that often goes under used is your reply to a common greeting. How often do people ask “How are you doing?” or some other form of the question? Average people are asked several times a day. If you are in an occupation where you work with the public, that amount goes up considerably. Therefore, the answer to that question is something you say daily. Why answer with a simple, “Good.” or “Fine.” when you could turn it into an opportunity for improving your inner dialogue? Can you imagine answering something like “I am great and getting better all of the time.” or “I’m getting healthier and happier every day.” If you get in the habit of making this your response, you will be automatically saying an affirmation several times a day.
You can see how your response to a simple greeting can improve your life. One word of serious caution is to avoid what people think are cute, sarcastic answers. They work in reverse of what we just talked about. I can’t count the times when after I tell someone I am living the dream they respond, “Are you sure it is not a nightmare?” I hear people say things such as they are barely surviving and trying to get by. Why you would be feeding your mind this kind of thought over and over is beyond me. It not only brings down your frequency, but does so to anyone else in earshot, including the person inquiring about your well-being. Use the opportunity to make your life a more positive and enjoyable place to be and to make that voice between your own two ears a more positive one!
You may be tempted to dismiss today’s post. That would be a huge mistake. In the photo above lays the secret to changing the world. Yes, those little acts of kindness will change the world. I have written several times about the difference some of these acts can make. Think of the shopping cart example. How can returning one shopping cart make a difference? Considering how much danger the ignorant and lazy souls who leave their carts in the middle of the parking lot cause, the difference can be substantial. Even just returning your cart adds up. If you shop once a week, that is 52 carts a year. If you live with a baker like I do, it could be 3 times a week which is 156 carts a year. That is roughly how many carts a grocery store has.
We have written about picking up trash before. Once piece of trash a day makes for 365 pieces a year! If you don’t think that makes a difference, put 365 pieces of garbage in your living room and see how it looks. If you and your best friend do these things, that is 730 pieces of trash! What a cleaner community you would have! Trash and shopping carts are one thing, but people are entirely a different matter. We have discussed how to improve our world with small changes, now let us look at a more direct course of action.
The first suggestion is to tip your server. Tipping these days has become a little over the top. There seems to be an ‘opportunity’ to tip everywhere. It makes me glad there are no longer men’s room attendants. It is just one of a million ways to show small acts of kindness to people. The holiday season is stressful for a lot of people. Especially those in retail. This only creates a great opportunity to show a little kindness. It is also the time that our kindness means the most and will have the greatest impact. Thinking showing kindness to just one person wouldn’t make a difference? It reminds me of the starfish story we wrote about some time ago. In case you did not read that post, or just do not remember the details, the story can be found below.
This holiday season practice as many acts of kindness you can. It is not only a great gift for the world and for others, but it will be a great gift for your own soul. Share any ideas you may have for acts of kindness we can engage in this holiday season.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 