Month: December 2023

ARE YOU A VERB OR A NOUN?🤔

I like this question because it really makes us think. Are you confusing the two? Ok, that is a lot of questions. Let us take them one at a time. When we fail it is a verb. It is something we are doing. Therefore, we can continue to do it, or we can change. It is like when you hear people say, “I always am late.” or “I always start things and never finish them.” No, you always have been late. You have started things and not finished them. If you are not dead yet, and sense you are reading this I am going to assume you are not, then you have a chance to change. Let us not confuse an action with an identity. An action is something we do (verb) an identity is something we are (noun)

Many of us think of ourselves as failures because we have failed at certain things. This only becomes true if we have thrown in the towel on life and on chasing our dreams. Maybe you have even been a failure at something up to this point. I used to be a failure at being a good man. Relationships were not always my strong point. Now, I teach others on how to be an amazing friend and lover. How? I grew tired of the frustration of failing and realized it could drive me but it did not have to define me. I faced what I was failing at, and made it a point to turn it around. This didn’t happen overnight and it sure as hell was not a linear process. In fact, it is a lifetime journey of learning and practicing. Sometimes I still “fail” at being a good friend and lover, but I am no longer a “failure” in these aspects.

Let us take a look at the most storied example of this. Thomas Edison. Depending on what numbers you get, he either failed 1000 to 10,000 times to invent the light bulb before he got it right. How many times have you tried something more than 10 times before you gave up? I know that number is not too many for yours truly. He didn’t. He kept failing, but he never saw himself as a failure. At one point even telling a reporter, “I have not failed 10,000 times. I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways it will not work.” This represents the importance of our perception. Inky Johnson, one of my favorite speakers, has a quote that states, “Perception will always drive performance.” If Edison had perceived himself as a failure, do you think he would have continued to try? Of course we know the answer to that question would be ‘no’. How about you? Do you recognize that fail means “First attempt in learning?”

Remember to see failing as a verb in your life. It is actions, ones you can change. You are not a failure unless you decide to be. You can fail 1000 times such as Edison did and still come out victorious. It happened with the light bulb, why can’t it happen in your life? The antidote to failure is perseverance. I put that last line in italics because I wanted you to get it. As long as you are still working, you are not a failure. As long as you are willing to keep working until it works, you are not a failure. It may take encouragement. It may take inspiration. Do whatever it takes to keep fail as a verb and not a noun in your life.

GLIMMER YOURSELF 😧

You hear a lot of people discussing their triggers these days. Things that can set them down the spiraling path of sadness, depression or anger. Maybe it is something that reminds them of a past trauma they still have not healed from. Perhaps it is just an issue they are emotionally attached to? Usually, it is something that may seem innocent or harmless enough to the rest of us. I think Tony Robbins described it best. If someone would walk by and brush your arm, you may find them a bit overly friendly, but beyond that not much harm done. Now, if you had a open wound on that arm, and someone even lightly touched it, you would jump to the ceiling. Triggers are like emotional wounds. Until they heal, they are very sensitive. Unlike physical ones, they cannot be seen. It is important to understand what yours might be for two very important reasons. First, to avoid, as much as possible, putting yourself in situations that might contain a trigger. Second, when you know what your trigger is, you can begin to address and heal from it. Although that can be emotionally tough, it can limit the amount of anguish you will have to go through in the future.

Most people seem to have vast knowledge of things that trigger them or bring them down. Again, probably good, as you want to avoid those if you can. Equally, if not more important, is knowing what makes you happy and feel that inner joy. Here is why this is more important. When you are avoiding what makes you upset, you are not necessarily doing something that makes you happy. However, when you are doing something that makes you happy, you are certainly not doing something that makes you sad.

This also makes use of a principle that I refer to often. It is far easier, from a psychological standpoint, to add something to your life than to remove or sacrifice something. That is why people have such a hard time with diets. They feel like they are depriving themselves of what they want. Do you know what would happen if they just focused on adding healthy food to their diet? They would have less room to eat the junk food. By adding something positive, they would, by default, be limiting the negative. This works for many things in life. Want to see less negative things on social media? Start interacting with more positive things. You feed will be filled up with things that inspire and motivate you. Therefore, there will be less room for all the doom and gloom.

That is why I like the idea of ‘glimmers’ so much. I suggest making a list of what you consider a glimmer. In fact, it would be best to do this with a friend, family member or coworker. Someone you see on a regular basis. Tell them about what you learned about glimmers today. When you experience one while you are around them, say “That is a glimmer!” Share with each other what are glimmers to each of you. Get in the habit of discussing and talking about glimmers. We know what we give our energy to, tends to expand in our life. Why not give our energy to things that bring us joy instead of fearing or avoiding things that might bring us emotional pain?

Start noticing ‘Glimmers’ today. They will add joy to your life and fill your spirit. Find yourself a ‘Glimmer buddy’ to share what lifts you up and makes you feel safe, warm and content. Let us take the focus off of what we fear and put it on what helps us gain hope.

10 TIPS TO DEAL WITH THE HOLIDAY BLUES 🥹

It is the holiday season. “The most wonderful time of the year” as the song says. To many, it is one of the most difficult times of the year. It could be due to the pain they are feeling because they lost a loved one. It could be feeling inadequate because they are unable to afford gifts for everyone they wish to buy for. Maybe it is the stress of planning, attending and getting to all of the social obligations that come with this time of year. Whatever the stress is, there are not many of us who make it through an entire holiday season without some.

That is why I am sharing these 10 tips for reducing stress during the holiday season. Everyone should be able to enjoy that love and peace that comes with celebrating with family and friends. The important things are gratitude for what we do have. One of those is the last tip – the ability to help others. Making the holidays brighter for someone who is also having a hard time is not only the right thing to do, it makes you a superhero in my mind. It will also help reduce any feelings of sadness and depression you may be feeling.

Remember to treat everyone with a little extra kindness this holiday season. There are so many who are fighting inner battles that we know nothing about. If you have any tips that we can use to help us deal with the holiday stress and blues we might be feeling, please list them in the comments below. We can never have too many.

TIME TO THRIVE!

Currently, I am working on my fourth book. It will discuss the tools and strategies that I used to go from a life of surviving, to one of thriving. Many of us, for a wide variety of reasons, are just focusing on living paycheck to paycheck. We show up at a job that does not feed our soul, and often not even our wallet. So sad is this, that the highlight of many people’s day is to go to the bathroom, sit down and look at their phones. This is not how our lives are supposed to be!

What can we do? We have to work to pay the bills. In my next book we will look at several methods to change our perspective, our emotions, and in doing so, our life. Today, I am going to give you a very basic and powerful tool to start with as you wait for your favorite author to complete his next book. Using this one tool can change mornings from something you dread, to something you can’t wait for. If this sounds a little crazy, trust me when I tell you I can understand that. I wake up for work at 4am Monday – Saturday.

What is this one activity? Finding a project that feeds your passion and makes your soul start on fire. The thought of adding one more thing to your already busy plate may seem like the last thing you would want to do, but it will actually give you energy and not drain it from you. This could be taking up a sport like bike riding or pickle ball, which seems to be all the rage at the moment. It could be planting a garden. Maybe working on that book you always wanted to write?

Having something to look forward to doing, either before or after work, will give you reason to make it through the day. It can also serve as a great mental escape when you find yourself at a job that is slowly draining your soul. You know that your passion project will help fill it back up again. It is vital that we have something to give us that inner peace and joy that allows us to make it through all that life has to throw at us. I would love to hear what passion projects you work on to feed your soul in the comments below.

ISN’T THIS GREAT? ACTUALLY, IT IS! 🚙

This weekend sure was a busy one! Friday was my lady’s birthday. After work, I plannned on taking her out to dinner. I also had to get the gifts that I got her together. Then, I worked Saturday morning. After which, I was going to go to the gym. That evening, I planned on taking my lovely lady out for a second, more romantic dinner. Sunday, the gym again, plus we DJ at night. That is a lot of activity. It also involves a lot of driving.

It started with climbing into my car to go to work at 4:30am on Friday morning. What happened next, has probably happened to a lot of you. My ‘check engine’ light came on. It wasn’t even five o’clock in the morning and already I was facing a significant challenge. I had a lot of driving to do and my car was telling me that it was not feeling the best. Was it something serious? Was my gas cap just loose? Would it die on my 35 minute commute for work? Would I have to cancel the amazing dates I planned? A million questions swirled in my head as I pulled out of the driveway. The light wasn’t flashing, so I figured it was worth a shot of making it to work.

To counteract the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, I decided to focus on what I was grateful for as I drove along. I was grateful my car was still running. I was grateful I was going to work to earn money that could be used to fix whatever problem this happened to be. I was grateful to have such a beautiful lady to be celebrating, even if I couldn’t take her for dinner. It was painfully clear that nothing could be done until I was able to take my car to my mechanic. I was grateful to have one that I had an established relationship with.

Turns out that this was a fuel pressure sensor. This is nothing that will destroy my engine if I kept driving it. It was also a reasonable fix that I will be able to do tomorrow. All of this was more to be grateful for. Discovering this issue before my car refused to start or before I was stranded in the middle of nowhere was certainly something to be grateful for. I also would be able to do all of the things that I had planned that weekend. Once I get it fixed, I was told I might even notice a slightly better fuel performance. Another thing to be grateful for.

Like many things in life, having your ‘check engine’ light come on is seldom considered a blessing. Really, having such a warning can ultimately save us money, inconvenience and help us be safe. It allowed me to shift my focus on what I had to be grateful for and to practice some of the very things I teach. That opportunity could not have been had without the challenge. How many opportunities are made available in your life through struggle? Are you able to see them that way? 

WEEKEND ADVICE FROM A PLANT 🪴

For my younger readers, this here is Robert Plant. He sang for a rock band you may have heard of – Led Zeppelin. I am not sure if he really said the quote above or not. It doesn’t really matter. It is great advice we should put into action this weekend. Monday through Friday we are so inundated with news of the world. This can come from coworkers, family, friends and is even sent directly to our phones. There is war between Russia and the Ukraine. There is one now in the middle east. There are politicians fighting to outdo each other in looking asinine. It is never quite clear who is winning. I suppose it changes depending on the day. Do you know what being up to date on all of this information gets us? Not much. We can carry on a conversation in the office. It also seems to foster a feeling of hopelessness for the human race and a feeling of disgrace for humanity. Sounds fun, right? Not hardly.

This weekend, turn off the news and turn up the music. Do you know what you will lose by not being up to date on the world’s conflicts and the fools often put in charge of them? You will lose stress and a disturbance to your inner peace. Instead, do what Bob Marley advocates, and let the music take the pain away. In my first two books, A Happy Life for Busy People and Living the Dream, I advocate creating a ‘happy playlist’. Songs that lift your spirit and fill you with good vibes. It is my firm belief we should expose ourselves to positive influences at least 51% of the time. Far more than that if you would like an amazing life. Since you are reading a website titled “Secret2anamazinglife” I would surmise this to be the case.

The more we balance out the negative influences we are exposed to with positive ones of our choosing, the more inner peace we will experience. In today’s crazy world, being able to exist in peace is nothing short of a super power. Turn off the news and put on some Led Zeppelin, Bob Marley or music of your choosing. Let the music carry you away to somewhere happy. I know I will be as I celebrate my lovely lady’s birthday. How about you?

TRUE LOVE DOESN’T COST A FORTUNE 💰🤑

This post was inspired by a very special lady, who is celebrating a very special day today. Before we get to her and the reason we are celebrating today, let me clear a few things up first. There have been countless reality shows about love lately. Here is the crazy thing, none of them come close to the reality of what love truly is. Worse than that, they have started a very disturbing trend. People are confusing the entertainment they see as standards for what love should be. There are even news stories of regular working people refusing to get out of the car on dates because the restaurant they were taken to was not expensive enough. They film themselves sitting in the car acting like a four year old throwing a temper tantrum. They should be grateful they are being taken out for dinner.

Refusing to get out of the car on a date because you are not being taken to the same restaurant that Kim Kardashian was taken to, is like me refusing to go to a book signing because I am not being booked in the same hotel say a Stephen King or Bill Bryson would. They are authors worth millions of dollars. I am still waiting to be worth millions of dollars. Instead, I am grateful to be asked to appear at a signing. With that attitude, I have often been asked to return, as well as offered new opportunities. When you are grateful to be taken on a date, you are far more likely to be offered, and taken on, a second date. It may even be to a fancier and nicer place than a first date. You also give yourself the opportunity to appreciate love in its deepest sense. When you refuse to get out of the car because you are being taken to a restaurant that is not on a reality television show, you will not only not enjoy that date, I can almost assure that you will be asked on a second date. When you are in a relationship for material reasons is ceases to be love and becomes a transaction.

My love and I

True love, my friends, does not have to cost a fortune. What true love really costs is far different than what you see on television. The price for true love is attention. It is caring and focus. It is affection and understanding. True love can often cost you your patience, and if you are dating a future best-selling author, your last nerve. Above is a picture of myself with the love of my life. I followed the picture of Kim Kardashian with hers for two reasons. First, she is a big fan. Second, for my money she is far more beautiful and I consider myself lucky to have her. She knows the meaning of true love and how to express it.

She has been working hard these last couple weeks with her daughter. As a reward for all of this effort, they were featured in a news story. You can see the picture as it appeared in my news feed above. I will share the link to the story at the end of this post if you would like to read all about my amazing woman. Speaking of her, today is her birthday. I am looking forward to taking her out to a nice place she has been wanting to go for a long time. Hopefully, this birthday date and dinner will be amazing, but it will not be nearly as amazing as what she did for me the other night. It was a great demonstration of love.

I came home after a 9 hour workday. She informed me that we were going on a date. I was excited to see what she had planned. When I got home, I was shocked to find she had the bathtub filled with water scented with some of my favorite essential oils, and the the bathroom had a light that made the walls and ceiling look like the ocean. In addition, there was a nice scented candle lit. “Get in.” she urged. Then she added a very sweet, “You deserve it.” While I relaxed in this amazing atmosphere, she created a wonderfully tasty meal. I got out before it was ready. She had the bed made with my electric blanket turned on and warmed up for me. “Lay down and relax. You must be tired.” She offered. She was correct and I took her kind suggestion and made the most of her loving efforts. When I awoke, dinner was ready and we ate while watching a Christmas movie. There was even more amazing things that evening.

The funny thing? All of this was created with stuff we had at home. Did I feel cheated? Would I have rather went to an expensive steak house? Absolutely…not! First, if you ever had Margie’s cooking, you will know there is no place I would rather eat than home. Second, her effort is putting all of this together showed more love than purchasing any meal ever could. The thoughtfulness of knowing that I was sore and tired from a long work day and would really appreciate all of the relaxing items meant more than a fancy night out. It also made me feel more loved. True love is considering what your partner may be going through or need, and acting on that. True love is being there for someone.

I am so proud of this beautiful, sexy, amazing, loving woman. It is her birthday, but I am the one celebrating. Being able to love each other is one of the greatest gifts we give each other, not only today, but every day. In the past year, she has taken back control of her health and looks more youthful and beautiful than ever! It is as if she is aging in reverse. Knowing how to express love is a great gift that she has. Being able to appreciate the love that I give her, only has me wanting to give her more! Happy birthday my love. Thank you for showing me what true love is all about.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE ARTICLE ABOUT MY AMAZING LADY AND HER DAUGHTER

DEAD PEOPLE RECEIVE MORE FLOWERS 💐

What a powerful thought for us courtesy of Anne Frank. In case you are ignorant to who Anne Frank was, she was a young Jewish girl who kept a diary while hiding in an attic from the Nazi invasion in Amsterdam. Her surviving diary gave us a great insight into what it was like during those dark times.

This particular thought is powerful because it is so true. We see people overcome with emotion at funerals. Flowers are everywhere. This is as it should be. Losing a person is the most difficult thing we go through in life. The worse emotion people experience at a funeral is seldom loss. No, worse is the emotion of regret. What we should have said, or the time we should have spent. Regret can haunt us for the rest of our lives. It can also serve as one of the best reminders and motivators to change our behavior in the future.

What should be just as, if not more, powerful is our gratitude for the people we have in our lives. Take one person that is really special in your life. Think about everything you are grateful for about that person. Do this for at the very least 30 minutes. How long do you think that list would be? Just in passing, as I write this, my list is quite long. When you focus solely on what you are grateful for about any special individual in your life, those feelings should begin to swell. When we realize how lucky we are to share life with these amazing souls, we would want to cover the room they are in with flowers!

Still not convinced? Try using the opposite end of the spectrum. Imagine everything you would lose and how much pain and lose you would feel should you lose this person tomorrow. Not very fun, I know. What it will do is help you appreciate the great gifts this person brings to your life. Combine them both and you will be surprised at how you are feeling. It may not make you want to buy them flowers, but it will overwhelm you with a feeling of gratitude for sharing life with them. When you are full of emotions such as this, can you imagine the impact it will have on your relationship with them?

Try doing this with a different person each week. You will see your relationships taken to an entirely different level. Don’t take my word for this. What takes us from the life we have to the life we love is action! Try this for yourself. Just a focused, uninterrupted 30 minutes of gratitude for one individual. Maybe do it for a week straight. They do not even have to know you are doing it. Watch what it does to your relationship with them. Not to ruin the secret, but there is an added benefit. You will be filled with more inner joy than you can imagine. Feeling gratitude is a great antidote to all of life’s trouble. The more we talk about this, the more I am excited to put this into action myself. How about you? Is there someone special in your life that you are extremely grateful for? Don’t you think they are worth 30 minutes a day of your time for a week? You owe it to them, and you owe it to yourself. Take your life, and your relationships, to the next level.

POWER TO CHANGE ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE! 🫡

Here is a concept that many of us seem unable to grasp. In fact, the number of people fleeing from this great opportunity. The opportunity I am speaking of, is to claim responsibility for every situation in your life. Many people think the opportunity is to find someone else to blame. This may seem like the easy way out, but the opposite is actually true. If it is “someone else’s fault” then it is easy to shrug our shoulders and believe there is nothing we can do about it. Do you know what happens to improve our life when we believe there is nothing we can do about what is challenging us? Do you know what changes when we constantly believe that we are the victim? Not. A. Damn. Thing.

This point was driven home by reading the great book above. Extreme Ownership is a book that will allow you to better understand the power that comes with taking responsibility for every situation in your life. Circumstances may be beyond your control, but how you deal with them is not. When we are constantly blaming others and pointing our fingers, we are putting the keys to our life in their pocket. If we find ourselves saying things such as, “They made me mad.” We are admitting ‘They’ have control over our emotional well-being. If we say, “I chose to get upset over their actions.” That puts the onus right where it belongs, on our own doorstep figuratively speaking.

This is also where it will do the most good. When we take responsibility for something, then we have the power to change it. The more we take ownership for in our life, the more we can control. When we transfer the responsibility to others, we are left feeling helpless in our own lives. An interesting thing happens when we begin taking responsibility, we gain respect from others. Consider you are having a disagreement with another party. This could be a friend, a coworker or even your spouse. If they say (because we know you are more enlightened now) “It is your fault!” or point out everything you did wrong, how will that make you feel? Will you hold them in high esteem for bringing your faults to your attention? I am guessing the answer will be a hard ‘no’. Now, what if that same person said, “This is my fault. I could have handled this better.” Maybe they even go further to list what they did to contribute to the problem and promise to work on those things for next time? What would your opinion be of them now? What if you knew you did at least a little something that may have contributed to the problem yourself? I am guessing that despite feeling a great deal of angst for them in the moment, you could not help but respect their ownership of the problem.

One of my favorite ways this comes in handy is when we make mistakes. This also happens to be one of the most difficult times to use this. When we make a mistake, we already feel bad. It can be very tempting to look for circumstances beyond our control to blame it on. What does this do to other’s opinions of us? Does it increase their trust in us? Probably not. What about someone who stands up and admits their mistakes? Who displays ownership for them? This is someone you are likely to trust more. You know they will own, and learn from, the things they do wrong.

In your own life I recommend taking ownership over as much as you can. This may be a difficult for many of us, but it will lead to massive growth and a better life in the long run. To get a jump start on this, pick up your own copy of Extreme Ownership.

IS IT JUST ANNOYING OR IS IT A MIRACLE? ✨️

This past week we have been talking a lot about miracles. Today, I had an example of just such a thing. I would love to share it with you because, although it caused me a good deal of stress at the moment, it really pointed out a great example of how we can miss miracles. We talked about how miracles can often be overlooked because they seem like ordinary things. Today, served an example of how we can lose them in a sea of stress and chaos.

I was returning from one of my many hikes in nature with my mother. Traffic was heavy because it was about rush hour. We were turning from one busy street onto another. As I was turning onto the street, a young man on a bicycle went through the red light and I had to slam on my brakes to miss running him over by mere inches. I honked my horn. The young man, blissfully lacking in care or concern for any accidents he may have caused as well as his own life, did not even turn to look in our direction. My mother and I, on the other hand, had a rather unexpected trip closer to the dashboard and steering wheel than expected. The contents from a craft fair my lovely lady was in shifted greatly.

The rest of the drive to drop my mother off at her house and take me to mine was stressful. For anyone who has almost been in an accident, you know that you get shakes and your adrenaline spikes. My mother was questioning how the young man could be so careless, even after the incident. What we both decided, that it was a miracle that nobody was injured or worse. It would have been his fault, but I cannot imagine the knowledge that I injured or killed someone on my conscious. It was upsetting, and many people would have continued their anger, and rightfully so. That would only serve to continue our stress. We chose to focus on the gratitude that everything turned out for the best.

All of this does not mean we were ignorant to what could have happened. Quite the contrary. By realizing how this could have impacted so many lives and families negatively, only made us realize how much we had to be grateful for. What this did was take us from an emotional state of stress and anger, to one of relief and gratitude. This only helped make our day better. Finding the gratitude in such a crazy situation is a miracle in itself. Focusing on gratitude in a stressful situation is far better for your mental and physical well-being. Stress can drain us and deplete our immune system.

Next time you find yourself in a stressful situation, do your best to find something to be grateful for. It may be difficult at first, but it will save your day and might end up saving your life. Prolonged exposure to stress is the cause of many of our most severe health issues. Anytime you can take actions to reduce stress, or better yet replace it with gratitude, you are doing yourself a favor.