It can be so frustrating when you are doing your best to live a calmer and more loving life and people do their best to challenge that. You can bite your tongue one time, but the next time you just remember how much it hurt. Not only that, but people can be so thoughtless and really push us. You may even ask yourself, “What is the point of trying to resist acting on my anger when I can’t do it all of the time?” That is a fair question. One, every time that you do manage to do it, you end up with less hurt feelings on the other side and less to apologize for later. As the picture above says, you are also working on rewiring your brain.
If you take the same path in the woods everyday, and then you choose to change it up for a week, the second path will not be nearly as worn in as the first. Similarly, if you have been a slave to your emotions for years of your life, and now you are trying to take control of them, the path in your brain for reaction will be a lot more worn in than the one for intelligently responding. It takes practice and, on occasion, we may slip and go down the more familiar path. Give yourself some compassion. It takes a long time to rewire a house. Can you imagine rewiring a machine with over 86 billion connections? That is how many neurons are in the average brain. They make up our ‘wiring’.
Doing your best to rewire 86 billion connections not enough motivation for you? Think of this – those people disturbing your peace would love to see you lose control. In fact, sometimes that is all they are after. By maintaining control and responding instead of reacting will infuriate them like nothing else. Done enough times and they might give up trying to upset you all together. What if you fail and let them get to you? Just remember, they may have won the battle, but the war is still yours to win. Use that feeling of frustration and failure to motivate you to keep control next time. As the picture above says, “Someone out there is holding their breath waiting for you to fail. Make sure they suffocate.” You don’t actually want to kill anyone, but killing off their desire to upset you would certainly help you live a more calm and peaceful life.
Keep doing your best to resist giving into anger. You are not at the mercy of your emotions, you are their master. That does not mean you should turn into a cold and unfeeling person. It means you should learn how to use and channel every emotion you experience. Both the good and the seemingly bad. I used the word seemingly because you can use them as well. Have a lot of anger? Go to the gym and get a great workout in. Feeling sad or down? Use that to reach out and connect with friends. Feeling lonely? Perhaps you could make friends with a stranger who could also use some company. Feel your emotions, just remember to master them as well.
The strangest thing happened to me the other day. Margie and I both work extremely hard. It is rare we have 2 days off in a row. For me, I don’t even have one. This coming Monday and Tuesday I do. We decided to take advantage and treat ourselves to a mini getaway. We chose a local hotel about 10 miles from our house. We like the restaurant that they have, but never stayed there. I stopped by to book the room one day after work. That was about a week ago. Just yesterday, they called to say they were canceling my reservation. Why? You might ask. It was because I did not live far away from the hotel. It would appear this national hotel chain does not book rooms to anyone who lives in a 30 mile radius. To me, this makes absolutely no sense. Why, as a business, you would say “If you live 30 miles from our hotel, we do not want you as a customer.” is beyond me.
The more I thought about this, the more it confused me. I am an author, podcast host and blogger followed in over 200 countries. If my next door neighbor wanted to buy my book, do you know what I would do? I would sell it to him. If my good friend in Australia wanted a copy of one of my books, I would sell it to her as well. I would not eliminate anyone from my business because of how close or far they live to me. I was willing to pay a good sum to stay at this location, and they refused my money. Margie, who was also confused by the policy, called the hotel to see if there was some mistake. The lady informed her that was indeed their policy and added for good measure, “There is no way I am going to rent you a room.” Not only does it appear this business is not interested in serving their local community, but they seem bent on supplying poor customer service on top of it.
Then I do what I always do. I started asking myself empowering questions. What is this lesson trying to teach me? How can I use this? What is good about this situation? What I decided was that if a hotel was not concerned about alienating their neighbors and customer service that leads to negative word of mouth advertising, I probably would not enjoy my stay there. It also reminded me of the importance of taking care of your neighbors. It put into my head an idea for a great charity event that I am putting together for next month. (More on that in a future post.) Then I asked if perhaps there was a better location that Margie and I were supposed to stay at.
With this in mind, I began to look for other hotels that may be more interested in taking my money. This Not-so-best Western ‘plus’ seemed fine without me. I drove to a hotel a few cities over, just to make sure it was more than 30 miles. It was a Country Inn and Suites. Not only was it connected to 2 amazing restaurants, but the lady could not have been nicer. Just to be safe, I asked her if they had any distance restrictions. She wore a puzzled look. I explained my situation from the earlier hotel. “Oh no. You could live 1 minute away and we would be happy to serve you.” she assured me. This was so refreshing.
In the end, the first hotel may have frustrated and inconvenienced me with their silly policy and waiting until the last minute to inform me of it, but it served me well. It not only gave me the content for today’s blog, but reminded me how important taking care of those closest to you is. It spurred a great idea that I can use to serve my community. Hopefully, as you read this, Margie and I will be enjoying our getaway with a heated pool, hot tub and free breakfast. Let us all learn from the Mistake of the Worst Western. Let us not be so focused on changing the world, that we forget our own community. In every challenge, there is the seed for an even greater opportunity.
One of the areas people complain the most about is social media. Why is it so negative? Why are all the posts they see political or making fun of people. My first question is who chooses what you see on your social media? That would be ‘you’. If you have a person who routinely posts such content, perhaps you can live without their input online. If this person happens to be a friend or family member and deleting themwould only serve to start even more issues, you still have two choices. The first would be to ‘hide’ or limit the posts you see from them. Most social media platforms have this option.
The second option is even better and is what we will discuss here. Flood your feed with positive items. Follow people who provide positive content. There are endless motivational and inspirational pages as well. You can also change the discussion to something more positive. Look at the picture above. It is one of those things I happened upon on one of my social media platforms. Why not get people talking about what they like about each other? Do you know where people talk good about someone? At their funeral. Why not start doing this while they are alive? Post this picture and see what people like about you. I would love to hear what answers you get. I will certainly share mine. Encourage your friends to share the same picture so you can share what you like about them. It sure beats the “share this or God will fill your bed with fire ants.” or the “If you don’t share this, I know you don’t care” type post. Let us get people focused on, and discussing, something positive. Maybe ask people one positive thing that happened during their day? How about having them name a person who made a positive difference in their life? There are so many ways we can change the narrative.
As an added bonus, try using this in person. You can begin to change the narrative of in person conversations as well.
Our lives are a constant balancing act. We must make sure to balance enough self-care and relaxation with our efforts to create and maintain the life we desire. That equation changes daily. Some days we work more and some days we recharge more.
One temptation on the weekend is to throw that scale 100% in the direction of relaxation. After all, you did just work hard all week right? I am one for making the most out of the time we have for recharging. Especially after we earn it. Just as spending all of our time working is not healthy for us, neither is 100% relaxation.
Working all the time without recharging will lead to burnout and a host of physical problems. Spending of our time on leisure activities will lead to us falling behind on our dreams and leave us feeling frustrated and even disappointed in ourselves.
This weekend, just do one thing that will bring you closer to your goals. Remember, most people do not work on the weekends. If you want a life that is more amazing than the average person, you will need to put in a little work. I would love to hear what one thing you will do this weekend to bring you closer to your goals!
It seems everyone is fascinated with reality television today. There are shows on every channel and streaming network. Many people’s goal is to appear on one of these programs. That could be a great idea to assist us in living the best version of our lives!
How can imaging paparazzi following our every move help us to improve our life? Let me ask you how you would act if you knew millions of people were at home watching your life on their television sets, laptops or even their cell phones? It is a point I consider for when I become a world-famous author.
Would your life be an entertaining program? All lives, including our own, fit into 2 distinct categories. Our lives are either a warning or an example. How about yours? Which one is it? Fear not if your life currently fits in the warning camp. How many movies and television shows start when the main character is at rock bottom?
You might not be on every network,or have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. There are still people watching you. Your life is a story. It is a reality show without the camera and lavish budget. You are not only the star, but the writer, the director and the casting agent. If you are not happy with the reality show of your life, you have the power to change the script!
If there was a television crew following you, what would they see? Would they see someone working hard, or someone hardly working? Would they see a main character who treats others with dignity and respect? Would you be viewed as a hero or a Villain?If we view our lives as a reality show, we realize we control not only what the world would see, but we also have complete control over how our main character (that would be us) risesto meet challenges. How they celebrate victory. How they persevere. You only star in one reality show, your life. Make it a good one.
It is so important to take time to reflect on our life and where it is going. Thursday, is a great day for that. I would love to hear on what you are reflecting on this Thursday.
Being filled with love has so many benefits. It may sound like a fluffy, new-age way of living, but it is much more than that. One, it helps everyone you come in contact with feel better. Even if you are someone who doesn’t care much about the people around you, although I doubt you would be reading this blog if you were, there is a benefit to you when they do. Do you know what happens when you make everyone around you feel good about themselves and life in general? They usually return the favor. Imagine doing this for a while and then you have a rough day. Suddenly, everywhere you go, people are kind to you and wanting you to feel good. Your rough day stands a very good chance of improving. Trust me, I have been there.
Another benefit to being filled with love, is that life seems a lot more beautiful. Remember how it felt when you first fall in love with someone? Nothing seems to bother you. Everything seems brighter and more amazing! Now, I am not advocating being someone who falls in love with a new person everyday. No, I am advocating falling in love with life! A great way to do this would be finding as many things as you can to be grateful for! Before you know it, your heart will be filled with love! Again, I have experienced this personally, and it is a great feeling!
One of the best benefits of smiling is that it confuses those who would rather not see us smile. It could be the office gossip. Maybe the fellow who insults something we passionately believe in. How about the customer that that unfairly treated us harshly at our job? Nothing confuses these people, and sometimes drives them crazy, as much as our ability to maintain our happiness despite their attempts to steal it. We can do so by practicing what we have learned in this blog, and the two prior. Fill our hearts with love. Make sure we spend enough time on self-care. Make sure we keep the key to our happiness in our pocket. Have reminders of what we have to be grateful for everywhere. A picture of who we love as the screensaver on our phone. A picture of the vacation we are using our job, and therefore that customer, to save up for. How about reminders of our families, friends and the people and things we enjoy? That will keep us filled with love.
Keeping our hearts filled with love will not only make our life better, it will confuse anyone who is trying to make the world a less loving place. Being able to maintain that love when they challenge it, is not only confusing to them, but will drive them crazy. Want to take it a step further? When someone treats you harshly, or is negative, treat them with love. It will not only fill you with a feeling of pride that you were able to overcome their negativity, but prevent you from feeling the regret of sinking to their level. Who knows, it may even start them thinking how much happier they could be if they were filled with love like you!
Here is something very important I have learned by having followers in, and talking to, people in over 200 countries – we all have basically the same issues. Sure, there might be slight differences in the nuances, but the core issues tend to be the same. We are going to take a quick look at the six listed above and how they can dramatically improve our life. Who wants to make their life a lot less stressful while making it a lot more productive? I can safely assume we all have our hands up for that one if we are reading from a blog called Secret2anamazinglife.
We are going to go through these quickly for the sake of keeping this post short. You are welcome to research a little more on your own, or just incorporate them into your life and reap the benefits. Exercise is a word many people either fear or think they don’t have time for. Exercise does not have to mean hours in the gym several days a week. It can be a walk after dinner. It can be zumba class, a pick up basketball game or even water aerobics if your joints are sore. Whatever you enjoy and are likely to stick to. One thing I promise you will discover is not only the feel-good chemicals that are scientifically proven to be released in your body with physical exertion, but also a sense of pride in your accomplishment and the improvements in your body. Do whatever you enjoy.
Meditation. Another word that has far too much baggage attached to it. Meditation does not mean sitting in the lotus position (something my body is not capable of at the moment) on a beach, like the lady in the picture above. No, meditation can take so many forms. Essentially, meditation is being present. This may sound easy, and in essence it is. What is tricky is how many distractions we face in the world today. That is why I suggest a walk in nature leaving your phone in the car or at the very least, turning it off. Walking in nature has its own benefits, but being fully present is something that is missing in today’s world. Even taking a few moments, closing our eyes and paying attention to our breath for a few minutes can do wonders. Throw an inspiring word like ‘peace’ or ‘relax’ in the exhale is even better. Find whatever type of meditation works for you. Done a few days in a row and stress will begin to melt away.
Reading. This is something not a lot of us do in today’s world. Yet, there is more information, on more subjects, available today than every before! Want to become more attractive? There are things to read on that. Want to learn more about your job and increase your chances of a promotion? Yep, there are things to read on that subject. Do you want to increase the joy and reduce the stress in your life? You can read the book the wonderful lady is reading in the picture above. It can be a paperback, an ebook, articles online or any other source. Sitting down reading will allow us to learn a host of information we desire. It also helps us to slow down and be more present.
Reading is great for learning about others and the world around us, but what about learning about ourself? Why do we do the foolish things we do? Why do we always date the people who seem so wrong for us? How come we don’t take actions that will get us ahead? If you want to learn the answers to these questions, hire the greatest therapist of all time – a journal. You can learn so much about yourself just by writing down your thoughts. In addition, it clears space in your head when you are feeling overwhelmed. Often, just writing things down will allow you to gain some clarity and see patterns in your life you may have missed by attempting to keep everything in your head.
We have done entire posts about the importance of self-care. If you want to bring the best to others, you have to be the best version of yourself. The only way to accomplish this is to care for yourself and make sure you are 100%. The better shape you are in, the more you can help others. Self-care may seem selfish on the surface, but it is often the best thing that you can do to serve others. Which, is why we are here in the first place, to serve our fellow humans. (and animals.) Make sure you take the time to practice some self care. If doing so comes with any feelings of guilt, remember that the better you are, the better you can help others.
To accomplish any of these items quicker, and to make sure they stick as habits in your life, make sure you are having fun. That is the whole point in life. If you are not enjoying your life, you are wasting your life. You can have fun exercising, as we pointed out in that section. Find ways to look forward to meditation and journaling. Make self-care something to treat yourself with. Pick a good book, like Living the Dream, to look forward to reading a little bit of every day. The more enjoyable you make any of the items we have listed, the more likely they are to be effective. Coming up with ways to make them fun is enjoyable as well!
Put the six items in this blog into action and there is no way you will not be living a more amazing life. I would love to hear about actions you take in any or all of the categories! All of us are looking for new ideas to make our life more positive and rewarding. Sharing how you do, could give us that idea! In everything you do, remember to have fun!
People often wonder what the secret to the relationship I have with Margie. Firstly, it helps that she is an amazing, patient and understanding woman. However, there are certain things I do on my end that ensure we will continue to not only maintain, but grow our love for each other. They are 4 simple things that you can do in your own relationship, starting as soon as you finish reading this blog post! We are going to discuss how this works in intimate relationships, but as you will see, the four items can be used to create an amazing relationship whether it is platonic or intimate.
The first suggestion is to purchase the two book featured in the photo above. We will look at them one at a time. How to Win Friends and Influence People is my favorite book of all time. It not only is filled with secrets to help you navigate the often tricky world of interpersonal relationships, but to do so making the other person feel loved, valued and heard. The ‘influence people’ portion sounds like you might be manipulating someone, but it is quite the opposite. Let us say you would like your partner to be more romantic. You could try being direct and saying, “Why on earth can’t you be more romantic?” That would not only have them feeling defensive, it would also not stir up many loving feelings. If, however, you encouraged romantic behavior by telling them how loved you felt when they did ______ . ‘That’ being whatever romantic behavior they last did. Perhaps, you could start by doing romantic behaviors yourself. When they are overwhelmed with love, you can say something to the effect of, “I know it is important to let you know you are loved. Doing romantic things are the best way I can think of to show that.” These subtle behaviors will have them wanting to be romantic with you and they will even think it is their idea. You are influencing their behavior, but it is more guiding than manipulating.
Above are the 5 love languages, from the book of the same name. We are all a mix of each and doing anything from the list is good. Still, we are usually predominantly one. That is to say, we usually receive love best through one of them. Here is the tricky part, we also usually show love through one of them. What if the way your partner receives love, and the way you show love do not match up? You may feel like you are working so hard to show them love they are not really seeing it. That’s ok. There is a quiz in the book that will help you discover how you, and your partner, both show and receive love. This will allow you to have your partner feeling more loved than ever before and you can do so easier than you imagined. If they are on board as well, you will be feeling more loved as well. Talk about a win/win! If you are not into reading, or don’t have the time, get the audio versions of these great books. Listen to them on your morning commute or when you clean the house. Imagine coming home from work being a greater lover than when you left? Imagine if you did this every day for a month?
The 2 habits we are going to discuss are ritual and reminder. Do not let the word ‘ritual’ scare you off. We are not going to sacrifice a living animal under a full moon. A ritual is a dedicated set of actions done with intent and feeling. How does any of this have to do with creating a great relationship? Simple. Once you discover the way your partner best receives love, set up a ritual, or routine if that word still scares you, that accomplishes those actions. Let us say your partner best receives love through words of affirmation, my personal one, then set up a ritual where you do something on a regular basis that accomplishes that. When you start out, maybe do it once a week. One day it may be an online post letting the world know why you love them. The next might be an email letting them know all of the reasons they are amazing. The following could be mailing them a card with a heartfelt message.
The possibilities are endless. They are only limited by your creativity. Not so creative? That is what Google is for. An important side-note. When your partner takes the quiz, you will see they have a first, second, third and so on, list of how they receive love. I would throw in a few in the number 2 category as well. Remember, we are not just one or the other when it comes to receiving love. In addition to what you are already doing, maybe you could do a load of laundry for them. Stop at the grocery store and pick up something you know they need without them asking. You could even let them know you will be passing the store on the way home and ask them if they need anything.
How on earth are you going to remember to do all of this? That plays into the last of our 4 tools to an amazing relationship. A reminder. This leaves room for creativity as well. I like setting an alarm in your phone. Maybe for shortly after you leave work. Just a quick reminder to do one of the actions that make your partner feel loved. You can also make it your screen saver on your phone. Most of us look at our phone hundreds of times a day. What a better way to ingrain a habit into your mind that to look at it hundreds of times a day. How about picking a symbol? Meaning, every time you see the word ‘love’ somewhere it will remind you to take the actions to make your partner feel loved. It should be a symbol you see regularly, but not so much it does not stand out.
If you take these 4 actions, I promise you that your relationship will be better than before. It works for me and it will work for you. As you can see, this can be used for any person that you wish to increase a connection with. The tips in How to Win Friends and Influence People can be used in a business setting, with friends or family and anyone else you want to win as a friend. The 5 Love Languages even sound romantic, but if you replace the word love with the feeling of importance and value, you can see how it would work in the platonic sense. As for ritual and reminder, it can be used to call your mother, compliment your boss or check in on a friend. These tools will improve any relationship you want to focus on. The one at home has the biggest impact on your emotional well-being, but having great relationships across the board will improve your life!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 