Month: November 2022

WHEN NECESSARY, USE WORDS

On this site, we never push a particular faith. I feel what faith you follow is your business. We have drawn inspiration from many different beliefs through the years. It is my belief there is good in almost every faith. I think they all have great wisdom that applies to all of us. Take the quote attributed to Saint Francis of Assisi above. There is some debate as to whether he actually said this or not, but that is not important for our message today. This site is about the secrets to an amazing life. One of those secrets is living a life of integrity. There is nothing that would trip us up more than knowing we are not practicing what we preach. It will not only make us look like a hypocrite to others, but make us feel like one to ourselves.

I think it is important to ‘preach’ and share your message. In my own life, that has been one of encouragement and self-empowerment. I routinely share a message of living a positive and fulfilling life. How do you think that would resonate if I went around telling people the value, physically and mentally, of living a positive life, while I was always angry and belittling people? What do you think people would say? My guess is something like “Bugger off!” as my British friends say. Yes, it is important to walk your walk, but it is more than that. If you do not live what you preach, is it even worth the words you speak?

This applies to so many areas, but one that comes to mind often is that of a parent. You can tell your children what is right and wrong a million times, but they will learn more by watching what you do. If your words and actions do not match, they may stop listening all together. As a example of the faith you follow, make sure your actions match the moral directive put forth by that belief. For example, if your faith preaches love and acceptance of all (most do) yet, you find yourself telling racist or sexist jokes at the office, or judging people according to their beliefs, you are not preaching your gospel with your actions. As a parent, if you tell your kids it is important to manage their money, but you are sneaking in their piggy bank for the house payment, you are not preaching your gospel as a parent.

This week, take a second to think of the beliefs you share with others. Then, ask yourself, “How can I demonstrate these beliefs with my actions?” This can be your spiritual beliefs, your parental beliefs, your beliefs about being a good friend, or any other belief you may have. Think of the quote above as you make your way through the week. Preach your gospel through your actions, and when necessary, use words.

IT IS MORE EXPENSIVE THAN YOU THINK🤑

Another post inspired by the late, great Jim Rohn. If you are not aware who he is, I would suggest you look him up. He was a speaker and coach who taught and inspired Tony Robbins, who, in turn, inspired yours truly. This is something I got out of listening to one of Mr. Rohn’s talks on how to master your life. In his example, it was television he spoke about. At the time of the talk, which was given in 1981 if memory serves, the average person was spending 6 hours of their day watching television. To me, this seemed a bit alarming. I cannot imagine sitting in front of the television for that long. After roughly 2 hours of watching a movie with Margie, I am ready to go to bed. That also has a great deal to do with Margie, but that is another post entirely.

Mr. Rohn would then ask people in the audience how expensive their television was. They would give various prices that made sense in the early 80’s. After listening patiently, he told them they were wrong. The television was far more expensive. The cost was the 6 hours of productivity they were losing by watching it. How much is 6 hours a day worth? What if you spent 6 hours a day working on pursuing your passion? Starting your own business? This got me thinking about how we have changed in the last 40 years? Surely we have learned from all of this lost productivity and the cost attached to it. Well…

Remember that 6 hours a day of television in 1981? Let us look at today’s equivalent of the television – the cell phone. According to a study done in 2022, globally, people average 6 hours and 58 minutes of screen time a day. Almost a full hour more than the television in 1981! That figure has increased an average of 50 minutes a day since 2013. At this rate, in another 5 years we will spend half of our day staring at the palm of our head. So much for the theory of evolution. In fact, in the so-called evolved countries, the problem is even worse. In 2022, the average person in the United States spent 7 hours and 4 minutes on their phone! I am as guilty of this as anyone. I often do research, and even write some of these blogs you are reading on my phone. (Fear not, this one was written on my laptop.) If you want some more amusing, but alarming, statistics on cell phone use, read the picture above.

My point here is not to demonize the cell phone. As I mentioned in the paragraph above, they do serve many useful purposes. You can use them for a GPS device to find your way around. You can find out what movie that was that had Will Smith and Kevin James in it and who the leading lady was. (So you don’t have to use your phone it was Hitch and Eva Mendes respectively) The point here is to think about what those 7 hours of your day staring at your hand are truly costing you. Those people who buy a new phone every year (Can’t imagine this myself) think they are spending on average $370 dollars a year ($555 in the U.S.) are underestimating that price significantly. We work 8 hours a day and demand a fair wage for doing so. Yet, we give away 7 hours of our day to a device that not only does not pay us, but cost us countless dollars in cell phone bills, the building of our dreams and memories we could be creating with our loved ones. I don’t know about you, but that is far too much to pay for a cell phone. It is time we make the cell phone cheaper. Not with our wallet, but with our habits.

ARE YOU SAYING “NO!” TO ANGELS?😇

I am not sure if you heard this story before, but I would love to share it with you. It first came to me while listening to a speech from Jim Rohn. It involves a man who finds himself trapped in his house during a flood. The water is right to his door when a rescue boat rows up and tells him to get in. “No thanks. The Lord will save me.” is the man’s reply. The rain continues and the water is now up to the second story. Another boat comes by and tells him to get in. “I know the Lord will save me.” the man informs the would be rescuers. Things are getting pretty bad and our friend finds himself on the roof of his house. The storm is raging and a third boat can hardly reach him. “This will be your last chance!” They plead with him to get in the boat. “I am not worried. The Lord will save me.” he informs them. Reluctantly, they leave the man. Finally, he is on the ridge of his roof, on his tip toes. His head just above the water he cries out for God to save him. Suddenly, a helicopter appears above him. They start to lower the ladder, but the man waves them off. “God is coming to save me!” He yells over the storm and the helicopter. Moments later, the man drowns and dies. Up at the pearly gates he asked God, “I prayed to you over and over. Why didn’t you save me?” God replies, “I sent 3 boats and a helicopter.”

This story is told mostly to reinforce the axiom “God helps them who help themselves.” To be sure, while praying we need to do our part and take action. No matter what your faith, or what you believe, you need to act and do your part to help yourself. I think it is a humorous and great reminder of that. Another lesson that we should take from this is that help comes in many shapes, sizes, colors and of course people. There are many people I know that have a hard time asking for and accepting help. Whether you believe these people are divinely sent or not, it is important to learn to both ask and accept help with a good deal of grace. Why? Let me ask you this, how do you feel when you are able to help someone? How about someone you really care about? Have you ever been able to help a stranger? How did that feel? If you are someone reading a site about living an amazing life, I am guessing you have done most, if not all, of them. Didn’t it feel good? Especially helping someone you love and care about. However, knowing you made a complete stranger have a little more faith in humanity can give you a little spring in your step.

Now, I ask you this, why would you deny that feeling to someone else? We may feel like we are being a burden to those offering help. In reality, we are providing them an opportunity to feel valued and important. Want to make it even better? When the help has been given, or even before, let them know how much they are appreciated. Again, just remember how good it felt when you were told you were appreciated. There are few things better than being informed how much you, and your help, are valued by the person you are offering assistance to.

When you say ‘no’ to those offering their assistance, you may very well be declining help from those who were sent to you. Whether you believe that is from God, the universe or whatever else that may be, it does not matter. It would be rather uncomfortable, to say the least, to be in the position of the drowning man. To ask God why your prayers were not answered; only to find you turned down angels that were sent to you.

GET PREPARED FOR THE HOLIDAYS!🎁

Here is something many of us are dealing with right now – stress for the holidays. What does this consist of? Is it trying to find the perfect gift? Maybe working extra hours to make sure we can afford the perfect gift? How about shopping in a crowded store filled with crazy people to find that gift? Maybe even stressing about ordering online to make sure our gifts arrive on time? Then there are the get togethers. Will everyone get along? What day can everyone make it? What are we going to eat? Who is going to make it? These are many of the usual stresses. Add to that the extreme weather that is around this time of year and holidays can turn from something we look forward to, into something we dread. It does not have to be that way.

If we are going to stress or spend our time thinking about something for the holidays, I suggest doing so for just one thing. Don’t worry about the perfect meal or what the place settings look like. Don’t even spend too much time worrying about the perfect gift or how hard it will be to find. Instead, let us focus on one thing – creating memories that will leave our hearts full of joy for the entire holiday season. This year, Margie and I already started looking forward to spending the holidays together. I am not thinking about gifts, or even the super delicious food that both her and her daughter create. Those are indeed wonderful blessings to be grateful for. What is in the front of my mind is sharing a cup of hot chocolate with my lady. Holding her hand as we look at holiday decorations. Seeing her sweet smile peaking out from underneath the furry hood of her winter coat. What kind of fun and silly holiday pictures we can take. Christmas cards we can receive and send to friends and family. Watching holiday movies together with a bowl of popcorn or some other fun snack.

From baking cookies together, to religious and family traditions, there are so many ways to make joyous holiday memories. Holidays can be tough for those of us who have lost someone near and dear to us. Nothing will change the feelings of loss and missing them we have, but why not try recreating some of the fond memories you had with them? How about doing something to honor those we miss during the holidays? A special ornament we put out? Maybe making a dish they enjoyed eating? Including others in our holiday celebration can be a good way of making us feel good. In fact, brightening anyone’s holiday is a sure fire way to make us feel better about our own. Why not see how many people you can bring holiday joy to?

One last suggestion. This year, the accent seems to be on how different we are and the things that divide us. Why not learn about some of the holidays our friends celebrate that our different than ours? Here is a bit of a news flash for some of you – celebrating holidays with those who are different than us does nothing to diminish the celebration of our own beliefs.

WHY BE KIND?🤔

How about this for a powerful picture? The point is fairly clear. It is so easy to get upset with our fellow humans. They can certainly give us plenty reasons to do so, can’t they? One of my annoyances lately is reckless driving. It really is on the rise. So much so, our city is now issuing a fine of $10,000 for reckless driving. This may seem extreme, but when you consider the cost in both money and life that this can cause, it is understandable. There is also no reason for it. The streets are not a video game. It used to really upset me to see this, and it still does on occasion. One goofy phrase I have introduced into my vernacular is “Maybe they have to poop.” Let us be honest. We have all been there. Innocently driving home when all of a sudden… nature calls. In an effort to reach a destination where it is safe to conduct our business we may have to bend a few traffic rules. I am not sure if there is a rise in intestinal distress, but I sure find myself using this phrase a little more often these days.

It is not just crazy drivers that this applies to. I recall a story that Stephen Covey once told. He was on the subway with a man whose children were running wild and yelling. As the ride went on the children behaved worse and worse. The father seemed oblivious to their behavior. Finally, Mr. Covey asked the man, “Don’t you think you should do something about your children’s behavior?” The man looked up and looked at his children who were misbehaving and replied, “You are right. The truth is we just left the hospital where their mother passed away. They don’t really know how to act and to be honest, neither do I.” Imagine how he felt after hearing that. It is true that his children were not behaving properly for riding the subway, and Stephen Covey was in his right to speak up and say something. Not knowing the complete story behind someone’s actions can certainly lower the amount of compassion we treat them with. Just like the story above, we never know the full story behind people.

Traumatic childhoods, abusive relationships, and stressful home life may not be excuses to treat someone with no dignity or respect, but it can help us to understand and maybe help that person heal. This is not easy. I still get upset with others and may be tempted to give them something to heal from rather than to help them heal, but stories like the one above are a stark reminder that is not the right course of action. When someone does something to hurt us physically, mentally or emotionally, it can be quite difficult to stop and consider what made them act is such a fashion. If we learn to do so, we can not only reduce our stress, but help others and the world we live in.

GRAFITTI KNOWLEDGE 🤔

I saw this quote online and it really started me thinking. First, who brings a sharpie into a bathroom to write meaningful things on the tile. Second, and more to the point, how similar we are. Speaking of quotes, I once heard Tony Robbins say, “Money will only make you more of what you already are.” Meaning, if you are someone who cares, you will have more to care about. If you are a jerk, sadly, you will have more to be a jerk with.

It also brought to the light that at the end of the day, we are all still human. Most of us anyway. When we leave this world, it will not matter the amount of material possessions we have. It also doesn’t change who we are inside. If you are a miserable person who only focuses on what they lack, no amount of money will have you feeling rich. This is actually a good thing. What that means, is that if you develop an attitude of gratitude and appreciating everything you have, you will always feel wealthy. This is not to say you should not strive for more and better things. While you are doing so, being grateful for what you have will have you enjoying the process. As you do gain more and better things, you can be grateful for those as well. In this way, life will only continue to get better. When life does throw you a little setback, being grateful for what you still have will not only soften the blow, but allow you to regroup and start again.

Stay grateful. Stay humble. These are the secrets to living an amazing life. I would love to know some of the things you are grateful for today. I am grateful for a great day I had walking around the zoo and going out to lunch with my mother and the amazing night I am going to have with the love of my life.

THE CHALLENGE BEGINS 🥶

What a crazy week it has been! November in Wisconsin, the state I live in, can be one of the hardest months for me. To say that I am not a fan of cold weather is one severe understatement. My good fortune is that up until recently, the weather has been mild for this time of year. In fact, last Thursday the high temperature was 75 F. By the next day, the high temperature was only 40F. If you are keeping score at home, that is a drop of 35 degrees in one day. On top of that, I get home from work at roughly 2:40pm and today the sun set at 4:29pm. Not much light to enjoy which causes the energy levels to plummet. I even started wearing my winter coat.

All of this can really cause my mood to go south as well. This year, I am determined to keep my spirits up. I am going to really put into practice a lot of the things I teach in my first two books, A Happy Life for Busy People and Living the Dream. I am also exploring some new things such as daily use of a ‘Happy Lamp’ for artificial sunlight and creating a list of things that lift my spirits. This should help a great deal. Those of us in the Northern hemisphere could use a little lift and I am suggesting you approach it as a challenge. That is what I plan to do. I can’t change the weather, but I can find more and unique ways of adapting. If you have any other additional tips and tools to help keep my mood up as the sun stays down I would LOVE to hear them.

FUEL OR ENTERTAINMENT?

In my journey to living a healthier lifestyle, one of the greatest challenges is eating better. This has become even more of a challenge in the last few years because I have a lady who is an amazing cook of delicious food in my life. One thing that helps me keep myself in line is this question, “What is the purpose for eating?” In simple terms, the answer is so you don’t die. Everyday for lunch I eat oatmeal. It amazes some, confuses most. I noticed one difference between healthy eaters and those who are…um…less than healthy is that the healthy eaters understand the consumption of food is about fueling the body, while those who are less healthy eat what is fun and tastes good. They view mealtime as a sort of entertainment. That is not to say you should eat bland food at every meal. Ponder what that pound of gummy bears might be doing to your body. Mix in some healthy options and find dishes that both taste great as well as provide fuel for body and brain.

The funny thing is that this is not a post about eating or healthy meal choices. It is about the reason and benefits behind our choices. The question we asked about food is the same we can ask about our viewing. Do we spend hours in front of the television watching reality shows that have very little basis in reality? Do we stream hours of mindless programing on Netflix? Do we spend a large percentage of our day watching cat videos on YouTube? Consuming information can be the same as consuming food. It should not be just an entertainment option, but should also fuel our brains, or even our spirit. Can you imagine how your day would start if you read something inspirational for 10 minutes before you checked your email and social media? How about swapping out one of those reality programs for one on improving your relationships?

I want to make it very clear that I am not advocating eating seaweed and oatmeal for every meal. I am also not saying you should spend all of your viewing time glued to documentaries about the effects of solar radiation on the skin. We need entertainment. That can be on our television or on our dinner plate. I just caution you to understand this should be an exception, not the rule. Our bodies work best when we feed them the proper fuel. So do our brains. There are times we need to relax and watch Dumb and Dumber for the third time. There are times when I enjoy a good pizza. When those cease to be something special and become our norm, we are not feeding our brains or our bodies with the right fuel. That is like having a sports car and putting the cheapest gas in it. Chances are it will not run as well as it should. If that sounds like something foolish to do, why would we do the same thing to our bodies? Let us try to strike a balance between fuel and entertainment. We should work towards putting the priority on fueling our bodies and brains while taking moments for entertainment. That is the secret to an amazing life.

WE ARE ALL GUILTY 😔

This post may be a little uncomfortable. For you, for me and for many of us. Many of us consider a life where we try to limit the hurtful and bad things we do, to be a good life. To some extent, this is true. Trying to do as few things to hurt your fellow man certainly makes the world a better place. Is it really enough? Voltaire reminds us in the quote above, that if we know of a good we could have done, but did not, we are guilty. Has there been a time when you know there was something good you could have done but did not? Maybe you did not have the time? Maybe you lacked the energy? Were you too nervous? Perhaps a little too shy? These are all true and valid reasons. Yet, if we deny some good to the world or our fellow humans, we are guilty as charged.

I know that I have been guilty of this as much as anyone. How many times have you thought about calling a friend or sending them a text message and then just became “too busy”? Meant to tell your spouse how wonderful they looked or made you feel, but then reconsidered it? Did you think it would sound silly? Maybe that they would not believe you? If you denied that good, you are guilty. I have worked my life to improve on this. I find when I have given all the good that I can in a day, that I can rest peacefully that night. Knowing that I did my best to bring all the good that I can to the world gives me a feeling of inner peace that is difficult to put into words. I am not always perfect, and I certainly have some work to do. I do my best to keep this quote of Voltaire in the back of my mind as I go through my day and would think it would benefit most of us to do the same

Remember, you are not only guilty of all the bad you did do, but also all of the good you did not do. Uncomfortable thought? Yes. It is still true. Let us take advantage of every good presented to us today.

I DON’T THROW STONES AT DOGS 🐕

For those of you who know me personally, the title of this post should not be much of a surprise. On any given day, I would rather speak with a dog than some people I know. If you read into the quote, it also fits the author. In this case the dogs that bark are people and situations that cause a distraction. When you are working on transforming your life to one you not only can be proud of, but one you will enjoy living every day, you cannot stop and worry about what Jane said about Susan. You can’t even really worry about the gossip that Jane or Susan may be saying about you.

In 23 years of bartending, and now several years being a DJ, I have noticed there are plenty of people who could fit in the category of barking dogs. If I did stop and worry about all of the people who wish to be detractors, I would have a lot less energy and time to work on improving myself and my life. Add to that, the input I receive from the over 200 countries this website is followed in, and there are countless people with something to say. This is not to say you should not listen to feedback. To me, engaging with people around the globe is one of the best parts about being international. What we should not fall victim to is the ‘keyboard rangers’, as Greg Plitt used to refer to them. Those are the sad souls who spend their lives criticizing from behind a computer screen. These folks are generally not putting in time to improve their own lives and are more focused on tearing down others. Do you think people like Warren Buffett and Jeff Bezos sit down and respond to every negative comment about them? No. They are busy running their respective companies.

Next time you are tempted to respond to ideal gossip or some ‘keyboard ranger’, ask yourself, “Will spending time on this bring me any closer to my goal? By doing so, will it take precious time away from improving my life and my position in it?” There are a lot of people who feel they need to respond to everything that is said and done. Is that not letting your emotions control you? I know there are people who slander you and continue to say negative things. I know you would like to get back at them and get some feeling of revenge. Trust me, it is not worth it and gives them even more power over you. Still don’t trust me on this point? That is fine. I will leave you with the wise words of the singer Frank Sinatra.