A FUN ACTIVITY THAT MAKES YOU SMILE

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You are awesome!!! Yes you, right there reading this. Day to day we our heads and ears are filled with news of what we are doing wrong, of what we need to improve in our lives. These are all important things to know, but every story has two sides, and you my dear friend, are your greatest story!

Today we are going to pay ourselves back. This activity will need roughly 30 minutes of your time. So feel free to read through this and set it up for when that time is available. Give this gift to yourself.

Ok, ready? Here is what you will need, time and a pen and paper or other way of recording your thoughts. That is it. First step, title your paper “Things that rock about me” or “things that are great about me” Yes I know this sounds crazy, but stick with me I promise you it will be worth it. Now simply start to think about things you do well. If this seems tricky at first that is ok. We are taught to be humble. We are taught focusing on how great we are sounds arrogant. That is not at all what we are talking about here. We are talking about a balancing of the scales. We will be using this information to improve both our lives and the world around us.

Know this, a person who is aware of what is great about themselves, about what is beautiful about themselves can more easily put themselves in situations that allow them to shine and also bring them joy. What would your life and your future be like if you knew you would daily find yourself in situations where you would be using your talents to the fullest? Where you could accomplish great things and do so with ease? Life would be pretty great wouldn’t it? Well today and tomorrows posts will allow us to do that, so please take time to complete this.

Still staring at a blank page or computer document? Let me give you some ideas on my list.

Things that kick ass about Neil

  1. I enjoy talking to people and learning about them
  2. I love to read and learn new things
  3. I never allow myself to feel like a victim
  4. I work to empower others

Even if you can only come up with one or two for right now do not worry, you can always add to it. Now take your list and put it somewhere you see every day. Put it by the mirror, the coffee maker on your dashboard. Anywhere you will see it. That way when you hear your boss tell you what you lack in, you can know there is something great in you as well. When you see that commercial on TV about how you should be a size 2, you will know while you are working toward being the healthiest version of you that there is already greatness inside of you.

Ok, next post we are going to look at how to use this list to do more than just motivate you and have you feeling good.

SOMETIMES YOU SHOULD NOT DO ANYTHING

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This is a blog post that is more directed at my male readers of this blog, but pertains to everyone. I say men more because as men we seem to be hard-wired to ‘fix’ things. Someone shares a problem with us, we start to go into the “what can I do to fix it” mode. Sometimes that is not what people are looking for. Sometimes they just need us to be present. Try picking out someone you care about. Schedule a lunch, coffee or get together with them.

When you get together with them trying spending those hours, or day or whatever time you have just being totally present. If it is a phone call, try staying totally focused on what they are telling you. Often in conversations people listen with an intent to respond instead of understanding. So listen to hear what they are saying. Don’t offer advice unless they ask. Focus the entire time on the other person. Halfway through their story do not start thinking of a story you have that is similar, just listen to theirs. It is a difficult change in behavior, but it is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone.

ANOTHER BENEFIT OF FOCUS

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Yesterday we talked about the importance of focus. Here is a picture of me from last Friday. Why does me sitting in front of a DJ board have to do with focus? Just about everything. Let me explain. I normally DJ with my lovely lady who has been doing just such a thing for over 15 years. When something goes crazy, she knows what button to push, or what plug may be lose. On this evening she had to focus on her goal of creating designer cakes which is another one of her amazing talents. So there I was alone for the first time as a DJ. If I had focused on everything that could go wrong and how much I still have to learn that evening would have been a disaster, but I decided to focus on what I did have and what was working for me. The owner of the bar is also a DJ and could help if I needed. My lady was only a phone call away. The people that attend our shows are very understanding if I were to make a mistake.

When I tell people about looking at what is working instead of what is not I hear a lot of things about living in a fantasy world, or not admitting things are wrong. That is not at all what this is about. It is important to realize what is not working so you can be on the lookout for a solution. Just don’t live there. Once we know what is not right we can begin to work on making it right and begin to look for what is working. We do not have to focus on how terrible things are and what we lack, when all of us, no matter what our situation is, has so much. So is this a fantasy world? No. There is nothing less true about what is working than what is not.

This has more to do with feeling. Seeing what is both bad and good in any situation and choosing to focus on the good not only helps you feel better and enjoy your life more, but also helps you see solutions better and accomplish more. Why? Let me ask you when are you more productive when you are happy or when you are sad?

Here are two examples to prove this theory and an experiment you can try to prove this to yourself. Recently I dislocated my shoulder. I had to miss a few days of work. My job gave me a lot of grief. I have to ask for help doing the most basic activities. If I focus on this, which does happen on occasion, I feel frustrated. I really start to dislike both my job and my boss who has been not very understanding. In that same breath, that feeling has me focused on completing my schooling and moving forward with that. It has me realizing how many great people around me who are willing to help me with all of my needs. Both of those are equally real. Looking at my current situation either way would be true, but one feels a hell of a lot better. That is a big difference between living a life that feels great and one that feels terrible.

Ok, one more example and you can try this yourself with your current situation. Look around and find everything about your situation that sucks. I am writing to you from Starbucks. The door keeps opening because people are coming in and out. It is loud and a bit hard to concentrate. The coffee is rather pricy. They are a corporate giant that can put some small coffee shops out of business. These are all true. If I were to focus on this I would be having a rather uninspired time here. Ok, now look at your situation and find everything good about it. In my case, they have free internet I can use without having to pay for it. The have a reward program where every 12th drink is free. With my reward card I can get a refill on my high quality coffee for less than a dollar. The people who work here including my friend Kenny are both helpful and amazing. They are a corporate giant allowing them to offer these things at many locations which are always close to where I am.

Both of those views are true. One feels good and helps me enjoy life, the other does not. Try it yourself in your current situation.

ALL ABOUT FOCUS

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Let’s talk about what I consider one of the greatest skills one can master and that is focus. I used to give a passing fancy to the subject of focus but recent events and conversations with friends has changed the importance of focus. When I started thinking of it and reflecting on my past it became clear how much of a role focus played.

Have you ever felt like you could have 48 hours in a day and still not get everything you need done? I am sure we all have. One major reason we seem to resemble the hamster in a wheel just running in place and not going anywhere is our focus, or should I say lack of focus. You are starting to clean the house, but then you think of something you wanted to check on Facebook. An hour and several videos about your friend’s pets you realize pretty soon you have to start dinner. You start making dinner and a friend sends you a text about going to lunch. You tell her about how you spent all day trying to clean the house and didn’t get anywhere. 12 messages back and forth and dinner is on pace to be served at midnight.

We all have days like this. Myself included. We have all had the opposite days though, haven’t we? You know when we get lost planting the garden and are suddenly interrupted and look up and have all the rows planted. How does this happen? Focus. When we are focused on the end goal and keep that in front of us our actions become more focused. So how do we stay focused on committed to our goal? I have found something that works for me. Two things really. First, whether it is cleaning the house or getting in shape, create a strong ‘Why’ this will be discussed in greater detail in my next book, but here is the nuts and bolts. WRITE DOWN both what you will gain by doing what you are striving for, and what you will lose by not doing it. I know what you are thinking “So you are giving me even more to do, that is not going to help” Well taking five minutes to do this step will save you stress and grief going forward. I capitalized the first part of that statement because writing it down, especially when it comes to a goal that needs to maintain focus on for long periods of time it is essential to not only keep your goal in front of you but the reasons you need to get it done. Then when your cell phone starts talking to you send it right to voicemail. As Eric Thomas one of my favorite motivational speakers says “most of us would be more successful if we gave up our phone” So keep your goals and reasons in front of you. do this for a week and see what happens. There is one more thing you can do that I learned from major league athletes.

If I were to ask you, “who is the greatest of all time?” A lot of us, especially those of us who follow sports think of Muhammad Ali. Why would we think that? Because he told everybody. More importantly he told himself. That is what he focused on, being the greatest of all time. That is what we all need to do. We need to tell each other and ourselves that we are going to accomplish our goals. Les Brown, another one of my favorite speakers tells us to let ourselves “you got the right stuff” Put that on the mirror. There will be more about becoming the legends we were born to be. For now, focus on what you have to accomplish and why and enjoy the ease in which it seems to happen.

I NEED YOUR HELP!!!

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Would you like to play a part in changing the world? What if I told you that to do so would take no more than a click of the mouse? In doing so you will slowly begin to transform our world into one with more joy and peace?

With very little effort you could affect people’s lives across your town and across the world? With actions that take you only a few seconds, you could help save the life of someone suffering from depression or who may feel lost and alone.

Don’t think you can afford to help? This world-changing, life-saving action will not cost you anything other than a few seconds of your time. With those few seconds you can help heal relationships that are faltering, help inspire young people who may have lost their way, or remind our elders how important they are.

What can do all this? The very site you are reading right now! On it you will find some of the best information from leaders in every field, along with inspirational quotes, suggested reads and life-changing strategies. Still, we need help spreading the word about this website and all of its free positive information.

What can to do? Simply ‘share’ this post on your Facebook page, LinkedIn page, twitter feed, or feel free to create your own post about http://www.secret2anamazinglife.com if you would like i will even be happy to send to business cards you can pass out to people you think would enjoy or benefit from the inspirational and motivational information shared here. From Azerbaijan and Brazil to New Zealand and Zimbabwe i will gladly send them anywhere! Please feel free to comment here or send me a personal message. Do not wait, you never know when someone needs you to make their day, or even save their life. Alone we cannot do much, but together we can change the world.

From the bottom of my heart, and on behalf of all the lives we will touch, thank you

TAKE BACK CONTROL!

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Last post we talked about not holding on to negative emotions. The easiest way to do this is to not have too many of them in the first place. Easier said than done right? After all how can we help how our family, boss, coworker or even spouse treats us? We can’t tell them “I’m trying to live a more positive life, could you please not act like a jerk?” OK we could tell them that, but not with very positive results.

So how do we limit the effect that other people’s actions have on us? This can be done by asking two very simple questions. I suggest you write them down on a small piece of paper and carry them with you for when such an event takes place.

The first question is this, “what else can this mean?” Quite often the answer can be the other person is just a jerk or has just treated you poorly. Which again is on them and not you. What others do is their business, how we react is ours. So look for a deeper meaning? Often they are hurting and may be expressing that hurt in a very unproductive way or in other words taking it out on you. Another popular thing to note is that often anger is a cry for help. Hearing your spouse say “If you ever stopped playing golf long enough to do something else” may be their way of saying “I would really enjoy spending more time with you” Which brings us to the next item. Sometimes they are bringing to our attention some aspect of our character that could use some work. This is often hard to see if done hurtfully, but ask yourself if there may be a ring of truth to what they are saying? Could you improve a little bit in that area?

The second question we should ask is “How can I use this?” Turn their hurtful emotions to your benefit. Can you use it as positive motivation? Can you use it to learn something about them or even you? Perhaps you can just use it as practice to control your emotions or practice forgiveness?

Either way, understanding we can control our emotions by asking two simple questions “What else can this mean?” and “How can I use this?” Will certainly give control to us.

If you still get upset or hurt see our last post on the power of forgiveness and how it is truly a gift we give to ourselves.

UNLOCK YOUR PRISON

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This is one of my favorite quotes. We hear far to many people bent on “Paying back”  people who hurt them, or worse, they just carry around the anger and resentment from the someone, or the world at large has done to them. What many of us fail to realize is that by doing this we are allowing that very same situation, or person,  to continue to hurt us again and again.

It makes sense to be more cautious around someone who in the past has shown they cannot be trusted to have your best interests at heart. Sometimes you must even do your best to eliminate them from your life. Continuing to harbor resentment or hurt after the fact does little, if anything, to affect the offending party. Quite often they are either ignorant of your discomfort or in extreme cases take pleasure in it.

Nelson Mandela did spent over a quarter of a century of his life in jail for nothing other than belonging to the wrong race. When the people who put him there finally released him if he were bitter, or angry I think we all could understand. What he understand was feeling that way would only affect him.

It was Buddha who said

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned”

There is great truth in this statement. Your actions and feelings may eventually cause harm to the one who hurt you, that is you may ‘hit’ them with that coal, but by the time you do so you will already have been burned.

I see two major ways in which this happens. One, the physical way anger or hurt affects your body. Your blood pressure is elevated. You often feel lethargic. Quite often it leaves you feeling sick to your stomach. You can develop a terrible headache. These symptoms are also the same as a body who has been poisoned, and for very good reason. When you harbor a negative emotion it is literally a harmful poison put in your body. So not only can these people affect your emotional state, which you may transfer to others only to compound the problem, if you hang on to those feelings they can affect your health as well! Who would want to say to someone “you have just hurt me emotionally, allow me to help you hurt me physically as well” Sounds crazy but that is just what we are allowing them to do.

I mentioned there is another cost to hanging on to negative emotions. The other being mental focus and production. When your time and energy is spent on revenge, anger or depression it not only steals the joy from that moment, it costs you moments of happiness, productivity and creative creation. Projects you are working on will take twice as long and prove twice as difficult. Nobody wants that.

So do yourself a favor and get rid of all the negativity in your life. It is true what they say about forgiveness, it is not only the gift you give the other person, it is more the gift you give yourself. So give yourself that gift and free yourself from the prison of your own creation.

YOUR GIFT GIVING TROUBLES ARE OVER!!!

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We all have them, people on our holiday shopping list whom we don’t know what to get for them. Perhaps they are one of those people who have 3 of everything? Maybe it is a person who really has nothing and you wish you could give them the world? If you are anything like me. You to love to give a gift people will not only treasure, but will certainly make them happy.
So what can you do? Spend endless hours searching countless crowded stores often in terrible weather? I have the simple answer. What if I told you there was a gift you could give that would take a lot of the stress out of the holidays for anyone who received it? Not only that, but they would be filled with a peaceful happiness they may have never experienced in their life before. Every morning they woke up with a smile on their face and joy in their heart they would know it was you and your thoughtful gift that changed their life from that day forward.The best part? This gift will only set you back $10 but the rewards will continue for the rest of their lives. Truly the gift that keeps on giving. What can do all this? A copy of my book “A Happy Life for Busy People” available at www.amazon.com/author/neilpanosian with shipping times running long during the holiday, don’t delay! Order copies for everyone on your list today. Get them in time and I would be happy to sign them as well. There is no better gift than to fill one’s life with joy. They will be not only thanking you this year, but every year for years to come. Think of the stress that will save you. Truly the perfect gift for anyone. Don’t delay order today!