Month: October 2015

THE MAN IN THE MIRROR

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Here is a picture of me from my latest seminar. Why am I holding a mirror? I am discussing the most important person in your quest to reduce stress and increase joy in your life. Yes, it is the person in the mirror. The one your greet every morning. Some of you may think this sounds selfish, or even wrong. I have heard statements like “but Neil, I have children at home who need me, I can’t think of myself” or “I have to make sure my spouse is happy” I have even heard “I have to think of paying my bills before I can focus on making myself happy”

Really? Here is a secret, bills will always be there. Here is another thing to ponder, how can you fill a cup from an empty pitcher? Increasing your joy and reducing your stress will not only able you to increase the Quantity, but the quality of joy you give to others as well. It is very hard to lend a shoulder to a friend to cry on when yours are weighted down with the burdens of a stress filled life. In fact, taking care of number one, can quite often be the best way to take care of number two. When you invest in yourself and learn how to improve your own life you can pass that information on to others. So today let us spend sometime thinking about the person in the mirror and how we can improve their life.

TODAY IS THE DAY

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This is a quote that really helped get my life on the fast track. Here is something I am often guilty of, thinking too far ahead. What do I mean by this? I will think of all the steps I must do to complete a project and become so overwhelmed I will not start. Have you ever done that? This quote helped me look at things differently. My goal is to be someone who can touch lives and  bring joy to countless people across this crazy planet we live on. If I thought of everything that would have to happen for that to be true I would quickly be overwhelmed and may be inclined to give up. Instead I find that asking myself a different question helps a great deal. I read this quote and then think of my goal and ask myself “What can I do today?” What steps can I take today that will help my cause in the future? Too often we focus on if we had only done this in the past, or well things will be better when I can do that in the future.

This need not only apply to life missions. Even things like the vacation you are looking to take. If you can’t afford the trip to Fiji tomorrow, what can you do? Look into getting your passport? Look at resorts in Fiji and which you might like to stay at? Talk to a travel agent and discover what time of year is best. Begin to visualize yourself there. So many steps you can take today. Start by putting $20 in a bank or savings account to put towards it. Little steps taken daily change your life. So let us ask ourselves, what can we do today? Even if it seems like a very small step, take whatever action you can towards your goal. You will feel better and gain momentum.

WHY FIT IN WHEN YOU WERE BORN TO STAND OUT

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This picture stood out to me for several reasons. Notice the guy in the middle, he is yellow, he is smiling, he has a sign that says “Thank you” he stands out. This picture is true of how it works in the world. When we are grateful we stand out and separate ourselves from the crowd. Think of how that person that always smiles makes you feel. We all know one. If you wish to stand out from the crowd do something different, be happy, be grateful. Then you will be like our friend in the picture here.

I must confess when I first saw this picture and thought of using it as a blog post this is where the idea sat, to stand out from the crowd all we need to do is be happy and be thankful. I even printed out the picture to help remind me of that. I welcome you to print out this blog post and share it with everyone you know. Let us fill the next picture with smiling happy guys saying thank you.

Would you like to know a secret? An additional thought came to me while I was pondering how to word this post. How to put this into an application that can be a win/win for yourself and those around you. Take this to a personal level. If you are a parent, try finding one thing a day to thank your children for, even if they happen to be driving you nuts. Try finding one thing a day to thank your coworkers for, even the one that you would rather be without. every time you speak with a friend, try beginning the conversation with something you are grateful for about them. Most powerfully, try this with your spouse. When, at the end of the day when you are laying down to retire try genuinely thanking them for something they did today. Especially if it has been a trying day. Do this for a few weeks and see how things in your life change. How your relationships deepen. I am just starting it myself and will let you know how it works.

THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL MAY BE YOU

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The title of this post is a phrase I use to close most of my YouTube videos (find them on YouTube under Neil Panosian) and is also a line I must confess to stealing from an Aerosmith song. What does it really mean? Well often something we may forget when searching for that feeling of joy or inspiration in our lives is the easiest way to get that feeling is to give it away. We never know who may be looking to us for their inspiration. You do not have to be an individual who writes or lectures about motivation to be in that category. Although let me tell you it is great to be reminded how much my work touches others. Perhaps you are a person who demonstrates a strong commitment to their faith as my friend Cari does. Perhaps you wish to let your challenges inspire others as my friend Travis does on his site bringitivity Whatever your situation or story may be remember you can inspire others as well. My lady makes beautiful cakes that not only bring joy to others, but serve as an example of the great use people can put their creative skills to.

What does all this have to do with me? You might find yourself asking this very question. Perhaps you don’t think you have a skill that can inspire anyone? Think again! No matter what your state or occupation you have the chance to do it with passion and joy. I personally cannot count the times my day has been made better by a cheery face behind a counter, stocking shelves or even cleaning the hotel I am staying at. They have all inspired me. The great thing is it works both ways, I have also had the good fortune of inspiring them. Too many times we may forget or take for granted how important each one of us is. Showing kindness to everyone we meet can be the light at the end of their tunnel. You never know what people may be going through and what they may need. So do yourself and the world a favor, if you can’t find the light, be the light.

YOU DO HAVE CONTROL

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“I would be angry a lot less if my wife/husband would be more understanding and not make me so angry” “I would love to be more positive, but everything keeps going wrong for me”

Have you ever heard others around you saying phrases like this? Have you ever found yourself uttering the same type of phrases? Today’s post is about one of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn. I once heard at a seminar that nobody can make you feel anything, that all emotion comes from within. My first instinct, as is so often the case was to challenge that notion. After all, how can the girl who just broke my heart not make me sad? How can the person who just said something hurtful and insulting to me not affect me?

Did you ever notice that some people can be put through the same event, but come out feeling two completely different ways? Have you ever told a friend “I don’t know how you stand that, I would have been so mad” or something more colorful? How can people be affected so differently by the same things? The answer is simple, and a bit hard to believe, but once you understand it will give you a personal freedom you may not have ever had. How we feel about any given situation is based on the meaning we attach to that situation. Does the person who is insulting us really suffer from some internal pain we do not know of? Are they really jealous of us and therefore put us down to make themselves feel better? I know it can really be hard to not be affected negatively by outside situations. Believe me between adults that act more like teenagers and last minute adjustments to my seminars, I have had lots of practice deciding what challenges mean to me. So how do you start to change your course from ‘reaction’ to ‘action’? The quick easy answer is change your question. What do I mean by this? When you are faced by a seemingly negative situation there are 3 questions you should train your brain to ask. Perhaps writing them down on a small piece of paper may help as you are beginning. They are as follows. 1) What else could this mean? as we mentioned earlier in the case of the person insulting you, maybe they were hurting or maybe even jealous of you. Perhaps they have really low self-esteem or maybe it might be an issue people insult them with as well. 2) What can I learn from this? Sticking with our previous example, perhaps the person is simply pointing out an aspect of your life you need to work on, and just doing so in a very unhealthy way. Sometimes all you learn is that person acts like an ass. Why is this important to learn? When they do so in the future you will know that is just who they are and take it with a grain of salt. 3) How can I use this? Out of all of the questions I find this one to be the most powerful. It puts negativity in your life to work. You could use the persons insult to remind you to treat others with more compassion. You could let it serve as a practice for these principles. In my own life recently when my seminar was forced to relocate a mere 15 minutes before it was set to begin, I used that as an example of how to remain positive in the face of negativity. Which just so happened to be what the seminar was about in the first place.

Trust me this is not always easy. It is something that you can work on over a lifetime. Controlling your emotions instead of letting them control you sounds so simple, but takes a lifetime to master. Just last night I dropped the ball on this one. So what to do when you do mess up? My suggestion is the same as above. If you have already reacted and let others actions get the best of you, do yourself a favor and ask the three questions anyway. Why? It will both give you some insightful answers and a way to put this to work for you as well as begin to show you the power of acting from your own place instead of reacting to their emotions. It will also show you how in control and wonderful you can feel in the face of situations and emotions that used to challenge you. If you continue to react time and time again, just remember a certain blog writer/self-improvement author is still working on this himself.

Watch “LEARN ABOUT YOUR NEIGHBOR” on YouTube

A video i filmed during the summer, a great idea anytime of year

KEEP YOUR DREAM SAFE

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“A blog about happiness? that is just stupid!” “writing a book is more complicated than you know, it will take to long and cost too much” “Ok, so you wrote a book, don’t expect to sell too many copies” “My friend wrote a book and all he sold was a few dozen copies so don’t expect too much” These were actually all quotes I have been told. Some by very well-meaning people who I believe just didn’t want to get my hopes dashed. Do you have people in your life like this? They seem to find the thorn in every rose. Like I said earlier, some even mean well. They don’t want to see your dreams get crushed, but little do they realize that by doing so they are contributing to the crushing. I am here to tell you that I believe in you. I have seen people with every disadvantage succeed. For my own story and the quotes above I did manage to launch a blog, the very one you are reading presently. 3 years and getting bigger every day. I also managed to complete my book A Happy Life for Busy People and learned some great things along the way. I have sold about 500 copies to date and look to get it in the hands of more people. If you would like a copy just click on the title above and it will take you to a place where you can order it.

Does my own story not inspire you enough? Still finding it hard to listen to people saying no to you time after time? Trust me, I can understand. Promoting my books, website and seminars has taught me you have to go through many ‘nos’ to get a ‘yes’. So how do I keep going? Well, in addition to the tips I mentioned in yesterdays post on determination I have one more for you. Keep a record of, and read about people who have overcome challenges to achieve their dream. Here is one to get you started. There was a gentleman who was creative and determined to achieve his dream. Sadly, the one thing he was missing was capital. So this man went to the bank to try to find funding for his dream. They said no. He did not give up, he went to the next bank, they also said no. Imagine how that must have felt. Being rejected personally twice? Here is the amazing thing. It took over 300 banks to get a ‘yes’. I don’t know about you, but I am not sure my self-doubt would not kick in before bank 300. Still this man succeeding beyond his wildest dreams. For us, these days there are things like the internet, crowd funding and virtual banks to assist us.

Oh, and who was this man? Walt Disney when he was trying to get funding for Disneyland. Imagine the loss to millions of adults, not to mention children if Mr. Disney had not been so passionate about his dream. So believe in yours, find people who also  believe. read and discover stories about others who have succeeded and remember often the people putting down your dream may just be hurting because they have not achieved theirs.

WHAT MISTAKES TRULY MEAN

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I speak with people often on a variety of subjects. Sometimes people ask me about living a more positive and rewarding life. On occasion people ask me about my relationship and how they can also have a fabulous one. I also hear from people after my seminars and people who have read my book A Happy Life for Busy People here is something I hear a lot, “Neil I have tried to achieve this goal, but it didn’t work” I then asked them how many different things they have tried. Usually they look at me slightly confused and give me an answer ranging from one to three. I then share with them a fact I find truly amazing. Edison had tried over 10,000 different items to make a filament for a light bulb. When asked if he was upset by failing so many times he replied “I just learned 10,000 ways to not make a light bulb” I am not sure to many of us would try 10,000 times to make the perfect cake or a tasty dinner.

When trying to promote my book or seminars I often think of this story. How much further would we be set back if Edison had given up? How much longer would we be without the light bulb? You may say “well that’s not me, I couldn’t do that”. I am hear to tell you that you used to do it. What do I mean by that? Let me ask you this, how may times as a baby did you fall before you learned to walk? Did you give up and say “this walking thing might not be for me” You see all of us begin life with a determination to succeed at our goals. If we didn’t there would be a lot of adults out there crawling around.

So how do we develop a determination to match Edison? I believe the answer is two-fold. First, develop a strong enough why. If the reason to succeed is important enough to you the how will be found. Second, remember if you as a baby didn’t give up, why would the adult. Is it because we have learned to accept failure? Is it because it is easier to give up? Perhaps we are just not as focused on what we stand to gain by our success or lose by our giving up.

I am going to leave you with one thought and a quote to take away from this. The biggest area I hear this in is relationships. People tell me they tried to make their partners happy or bring the passion back to their relationship, but it just ‘didn’t work’. I always ask, how many things did they try? Think of how important your goal is, what you stand to gain and what you stand to lose. Think of all you didn’t give up on when you were young. Reading, writing, learning your language. How would your life be different if you had just tried once we these things? Remember if you find yourself giving up, even determination is something you have to be determined to succeed at.

Here is the quote I promised you. It comes from the famous baseball player Babe Ruth

“You just can’t beat the person who won’t give up”

FEELING GRATEFUL

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A lot of what I write on here is about feeling grateful and how it can change your life. Tonight I have A LOT to be grateful for. I gave my second seminar based on my book A Happy Life for Busy People and the support could not have been better! From my good friend Christie who hosted it, my friend Travis who introduced me, my amazing friend Cari who always supports me and my lovely lady and her daughter who helped every where they could.  Life really blesses us with some great evenings and some great people to share it with. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

THAT IS NOT FUNNY!! OH WAIT,YES IT IS

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This is something to think about. It is always important to find and have something in your life that can make you laugh. It is even better if you have people in your life that can assist you with this. Life is truly a never-ending source of comedy once you are determined to find it. How hard can that be? Let me share a recent example in my own life with you. Because we are a bartender/dj couple on most nights, my lady and I have to grocery shop at some odd hours. Last night, or should I say at four o’clock this morning we found ourselves picking dish soap and things for dinner for the week. In the middle of all the food some previous shopper had left a toy pig that grunted when you squeezed it. My lovely lady found this quite amusing and proceeded to carry it with us as we shopped finding different noises she could create. It had us laughing as we went through the aisles and even startled a few other shoppers. the point is that is was just a random thing we had found in the grocery store and used it to create a evening of laughter. Now besides the benefits listed above, we also created a great memory to share between us. As mentioned in yesterdays post, it is very important to stock pile fun, loving and silly moments with those you care about in your life, both friends and spouses. So do yourself a favor and pick up that movie that makes you laugh, grab a joke book from the library or whatever else brings a smile to your face. The benefits will amaze you. Not to mention it feels amazing.